If a man does the breaking up with a woman, does he also take time to get over her? Is he also upset?

My ex of two and a half years broke up with me about five weeks ago for reasons (in his words) "not to do with the relationship". When we were together, he really loved me and would tell me every day that he was lucky to have me. When I asked him about why exactly he broke up with me, he said that it was because he is going through something at the moment, "he didn't like the person he was becoming", and that he could see he was beginning to treat me badly. He didn't want us to end up resenting each other six months down the track, and he didn't want to keep hurting me. He said he loved me, he would always love me, and that for that time I was the most important thing in his life. When I asked him if when he was ready he would come back, he said yes. He was extremely upset when we broke up, just as much as I was if not more, I haven't seen a guy cry like that ever.

For three weeks after that, he would keep contacting me, much more than I did him, acting like he did before we broke up. Until the very end when we were out one night at a function we went to together and I was about to ask him to give me some space. He interrupted me and exploding that I had to accept it was over forever, and "get over it". Then when I asked him why he said he would come back, he said it was "because it was what you wanted to hear", and when I asked why he was doing this, I knew he wasn't like this, he said it was because he's "an arsehole, a ****", and that obviously. I was crying at this point, and he stood up, muttered "I can't keep doing this, I can't keep having the same conversation over and over", and stormed off.

We haven't spoken since, but I have bumped into him a few times around campus, but I just blank him as I don't know what to do or say. He reacts weirdly, by looking at me in this funny way. We were extremely close as friends before dating as well, he has always maintained I was one of his best friends.

What I want to know is, why hasn't he contacted me since, and would he be as upset about this as me? Is there any chance for us to be friends after this at the very least? What should I do? I want to give it some time before doing anything as I need to get over this, but I think at the very least I deserve an apology for the way he was to me that night. Do you think he will contact me ever again? I just want some consolation that he feels as sad or as regretful as I do, and that maybe there is a chance for us to be in each other's lives.

Spoke him today for the first time in three weeks, tried to be friendly/civil. It was ok, incredibly awkward. At the end I said "I'm sorry for what has happened", and he said "me too". We said we would be friends, and not just "hi/bye/awkward" friends.
We met up eventually and talked everything out, he apologized sincerely for hurting me and I apologized for pressuring him. We're now on good terms, still quite close but now in a new and equally as frustrating situation! Bloody love stuff is a bitch :(


Most Helpful Guy

  • Hi there, I don't really know how to answer you in all honesty.

    I went through a similar situation a few weeks ago. My girlfriend of nearly two years broke up with me by phone about a month ago, and was crying saying she is unhappy and wants to call it aday. She sounded upset about it and was crying on the phone. I accepted her decision and left her a week and emailed to ask for an explanation as I had some questions to ask for me to get over this and close it out in my own mind.

    She replied basically its over, stop sending her emails and don't contact her ever again. I was taken back by the sudden what seemed to me like nastiness. It felt really weird and ididnt know how to handle it, As only a week before we were lieing in bed together, she was speaking to me like a complete stranger - all I asked was for a polite explanation and she replied Why are you emailing me, I don't need you sending me aggravating emails.

    I then heard the week after we split up, she was out sleeping about it town with another guy.

    This really upset me if I'm honest, because it felt to me, like id been dumped on the phone by my girlfriend of 2 years with barely an explanation except she is unhappy and doesn't want to do it anymore and in the same week she is sleeping with another bloke. At the end of the day that is all that matters but I thought as a boyfriend of that long I deserved a bit more and maybe a discussion atleast.

    How wrong I was! I was shocked! To me that is out of order but has she done anything wrong. I just feel I've been left high and dry with barely an explanation. And it felt horrible.

    Anyway, I was speaking to her friend 2 weeks later about if somthing was going on with her and this other guy as id heard gossip etc. Is that weird of me?

    And she must of got wind of it. She exploded and sent me an email saying she doesn't love me, doesn't miss me and if I ever contact her friends again id be sorry. She told me, do you want to know the truth about her and this other guy? It is true I have been sleeping with him.

    She went on and on saying really hurtful things and finished it with, if you ever see me and my friends ever again just walk on by because nooned wants to here your sob story. She is the happiest she has ever been as she doesn't have me weighing her down like the embarrasment I am.

    God it hurt. I've never mentioned it since and not heard from her and I don't want to. I want to forget the last 2 years of my life.

    I don't understand it and never will. Maybe some people are just horrible people inside. I thought I knew that girl. I'm shocked and hurt by it but what gets me most I just don't understand how anyone could speak like that to somebody they have spent 2 years of there life with. I treated that girl like a princess. She broke up with me by phone and all I did was question it to get closure and maybe see how things went wrong and I opened the biggest can of worms I could ever imagine.

    Its been over a month now, but the reaction still puzzles me

    • That is awful, I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through a rough time as well :( I don't understand people, you think you know someone, that they love you, and then they can turn around and treat you like that!

      I guess though people deal with things differently. One of my friends said that if someone has broken up with you, they probably have been thinking about doing it for a while so they've had more time to come to terms with it. No consolation for us though huh.

    • Thanks, I was never upset with us splitting up. Yeh it hurt to hear she slept with someone else the week we split up but I cannot get over why anyone would react like that just for speaking with her friend. Or am I in the wrong? Is it weird to ask someone 3 weeks later if a girl you were seeing for circa 2 years is sleeping with someone else? I don't know what I think anymore. Anyone I have mentioned this to said I have done nothing wrong and she is being a cold nasty person.

    • I am going through same sort of situation . My Ex and I was so closed to each other , talking via phone every nite. The last trip when I went back to see him, we spent time together. He whispered sweet words and hugged me tightly while going to bed. He kept on begging me to go back to spend time with him till the recently, he asked me not to go back if I am too busy after a newbie started working with him day and night in his clinic. When I went back , he didn't make the effort to meet me

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What Guys Said 6

  • It all depends on ages, length of time the relationship was, how serious it was, is there children from said relationship, was you engaged or married, do you know each others families well, do you have mutual friends, circumstances of the break up and so on.

    There is no specific answer because there's a difference between some 16 year old guy dumping his girlfriend to be with another after being with her a week and a husband filing for divorce from his wife of 12 years and having children and assets involved.

    Remember I am answering the thread title.

    "If a man does the breaking up with a woman, does he also take time to get over her? Is he also upset?"

    as opposed to your specific situation.

    For you even though it was rocky throughout you both tried to make it work but it fell through, he probably did have a lot of feelings for you but doesn't sound like it was a true love meant to be situation.

    It will take him some time to get over you, even if you are happy to be rid of a partner it is hard to just wash your hands and move on which is why there is so many deluded people asking questions on here about if there ex who has clearly moved on and much happier now is still going to come back to them like some fairytale love story.

    It will take time to get over the awkward stage but you at least sound like you both left things amicably.

    Yes he will think about you sometimes and is maybe hurting a little but not as much as you are right now if I read between the lines.

    That's perfectly normal, its not easy to rearrange how you see your future now if you had pretty much built an image in your mind but time is a healer for you both.

  • If you don't mind me asking, how did he break it to you when you broke up?

    Was it an amicable break up? It seems like you took it well?

    I guess sometimes we will never understand other people and maybe you didn't know this person as well as you thought.

    In my book I could never imagaine intentionally saying somthing to hurt a girl id been with for two years. Knowing what hurt it could cause her and what it could do to her mentally aswell.

    Do you want someone who is capable of that in your life?

    You know deep down in your heart what is right and wrong. You know deep down he is bang out of order. That's what I have accepted. You may never understand it, you will probably never get an apology. Its hard but try and take it at face value. He is acting in the wrong. You have nothing to be ashamed of, you don't need to question it, its him with the issues, not you.

    You sound nice, get outand enjoy yourself and manipulative people like that will show there true colours.

    • Well he drove around to my house, he was supposed to pick me up to go to something and he had snapped at me on the phone before. he was extremely upset when I saw him, crying and sobbing. we had a long talk that night, and I saw him the next day. our break up was beautiful, incredibly bittersweet. honestly it was like out of a movie. I did initially, but then I wanted some answers. I guess it didn't help when I asked him about it a few times later, he probably thought I was crowding him.

  • No, it is generally taught to men that too be emotional is too be weak. Also we don't connect emotion and sex nearly so much as females. If he is typical, he would likely be a bit off for a week or so and will quickly locate a new source for sex and be happy again.

  • sorry for the rough answer but can mean only 2 things...

    Either he went to see other horizons and doesn't feel comfortable with it or he jsut got tired of relationship...

    Basically its over, he doesn't want to hurt you... but after that period not easy to break up properly.

    I'm not saying he won't regret it... but I can tell you he did think it through.

  • no, a guy only breakes up to see another girl, you have been forgotten already xo

  • In answer to your question yes.

    I broke up with an ex I had been going out for years. Why?, suffice to say we did allot of hurting and it got to the point I felt we needed our space to recover, that we couldn't both take this continual emotional trauma much longer.

    I broke up with her, ignored her, cut her out of my life. I tried to kill any feelings I had for her.

    But she would try and contact me, and it hurt. On the inside I was really feeling bad about the whole thing, but to her I had to maintain my position. I wanted to break up, even as on the inside I just wanted to be with her.

    Us fellas are human beings like you gals and yes, when relationships end, when hearts break, we feel it just as sharply as you lot. :)


What Girls Said 3

  • sometimes people react that way wen they feel like a jerk. mabye she/he was upset about what they did and mabye they probley still cared to some extent even if you want to break up with some one 2 years of feelings don't just disapear. I was on the giving end of that once. I felt so bad but wen asked why a week later I felt I was being accused even though it was civil. I blew up too. it was handled badly I admit and apolizied later. if the apology isn't coming then move on he's a jerk and isn't worth it really. if he was a good guy he would realize you were just hurting and respect that. you a have much more of a rite to be the one blowing up not him.

  • He cheated on you...

  • My ex and I broke up 2 years ago... and it took 2 months before either of us made any contact... we were together for 3 years... once contact was made it was hate mails... a lot of anger for one another, words that neither of us should/would of said to one another but did... 2 months later we appologized for it... started talking civil just as you two are now... then began talking about why... why it happened... avoiding personal feelings for one another... that is best... begin a friendship again... that is best... to this day we both are still single... neither one is dating another... I know in his heart he still deeply loves me... tho he isn't ready to tell me again cus he is still hurt from the break-up and he will always be the love of my life... we talk alot... email almost everyday... and live in two diff states... True love never dies... and trust me... if you two truly loved one another... LOVE WILL STAND ANYTHING... and things will slowly work thru... it takes time... and it goes thru stages... men react differently then us women... and try to hide their feelings... give it time... and things will work out for the best... I am more than sure... if you needed him for anyone thing... HE WOULD BE THE ONE YOU CAN COUNT ON... ALL THE BEST...

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