Are all marriages like this or is it just mine? Is it enough to leave a good guy?

Me and my husband have been married for a year and a half now but we've been together for three. When we first got together he was fun romantic and outgoing. Now he is none of those things. Its hard for me because i am very outgoing i love to socialize but he's a true introvert. I think he did those things just to impress me. He doesn't try to romance me not even for sex its just "take your clothes off" and sometimes a more rude "open those legs" like eww that is in no way shape or form sexy. I've been dealing with this pretty much for 2 and a half years. But on the other hand he wants me to do allllll the tricks in bed when he barely do the minimum. The other day he said just eat your oatmeal in the bed while i "get it in" like um selfish. I am never satisfied and he doesn't try to satisfy me. I've given him lectures i even wrote a 5 page paper how to satisfy me in bed and out he doesn't listen. He never surprise me and take me out. After a long day of work if i say babe my feet hurt can you rub them, he would literally do it for a minute and its unfair because i rub his back for at least an hour each night. or at least i use too. there's so much more/ But long story short he's an awesome father and friend just a terrible lover. He does always have my back and is there for me. But Im not attracted to him anymore and don't find him sexually appealing especially due to the fact that sex to him means no kissing or touching just put it on in there. -_- He does nothing to make me feel special like how id think a true husband would make his wife feel. I surprise him with candle lit dinners after a long day of work and i don't get any special treatment. As a result I've found myself yearning to be touched or to feel special like I'm the only one in the universe. I stare at the guys that come through the office. Its pathetic. However I'm the only family he has and i don't want to leave a good guy for reasons that may not be justified. please help! hope it wasn't too long
  • Should i stay?
    Vote A
  • Should i leave?
    Vote B
  • Am i asking for too much?
    Vote C
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Updates:
Thanks everyone for all of the input and advice!! We've had this conversation numerous times and he'll try for maybe a day or two and go back to his usual. I do want to try for our family. I think I'll explain to him once more and emphasize how I feel and see if he listens this time. I've tried sex denial it doesn't work. I've tried almost everything. He knows I'm not sexually or romantically pleased he expressed to me how he doesn't want me looking elsewhere To find it but he does nothing about

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you should try couples therapy. If he's a good guy and you love him, there's no sense in leaving him just because he's being inattentive. Lots of men have the same problem--including my husband. I used to hint that I'd like the dishes done, that I'd like him to initiate sex or romance me or buy me flowers once in a while--but I found that I wasn't really speaking his language. You have to be very straightforward with men. They aren't very good at reading between the lines. In your case, I think you're communicating with him, but he's not listening. You could try to be even more blunt. When he tells you to open your legs, tell him no, you need foreplay first. But if he's still ignoring you, a therapist could help him to see how doing so is damaging your relationship. He might just be oblivious to it all.

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What Guys Said 7

  • I think for now you should stay and exhaust all options before thinking of divorce. Counseling, marriage and sex therapy is a start. He has to see his faults and go back to how he was in the beginning. Its been awhile (2 and half years) since he been the guy you wanted. This should have been done before marriage but better late then never.

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  • (1.) This is why you don't marry after only knowing someone for a year and a half.

    (2.) Always try consueling. Talking about your problems is much more effective than running way. Remember, as his wife you're his equal, so deserve equal input and respect. Marriage is teamwork. If he can't change through therapy and you riding his ass about it a divorce might be the logical option.

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    • You're right. A year and a half is short notice. But I'm a leap first think later type of person which has gotten me in a lot of trouble. I listen to my emotions and I just react. At first it was a match made in heaven and I was head over hills. Now he's complacent.

  • I think you need to have a serious talk with him, especially about his attitude and performance in bed. This should be a calm explanation, and not a screaming argument. He should be trying harder to please an satisfy you.

    Then show him this, because that's what he'll be up against in a year or 2.
    www.macleans.ca/culture/books/the-two-year-itch/
    If he hasn't got it right before that happens, there is little chance for getting it right afterward.

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  • Counseling. Do it.

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  • I think u should stay thats not enough reason to leave and as u said awesome father and always there for u
    But in other hand u write what satisfy u but still cold I think he need help from profesional maybe
    Or some langrie and music will be enough

    As a man langerie make me hotttttttt and more intrested in sex

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    • I wore lingerie on multiple occasions. I love lingerie, role playing, fore play. But he says its a waste of time. He sees lingerie as it's just gonna come off anyway. Perfect sex for him is, and I quote, "just lay on the bed naked with your legs open". Excuse the vulgar language. With no intentions of fore play. The problem is the lack of affection I feel. In the bed and out. I've told him what I like and what turns me on. He doesn't listen but even still having to tell someone over and over what to do make you happy because they don't try makes it feel like I'm making you do this rather than you genuinely want to make me happy.

    • If u think u spend enough time by telling him how to satisfy u but he still ignore try to ask help from profesional

      But what changed over the years since he was great? That could effect him

      The way he act is so rough and have no emotion I saw many divorced of that pro

      Just curious do know if some of his friends have bad mariage?

    • Nothing really changed besides us moving in together. I guess he feels he don't have to try anymore. He is a true introvert he doesn't have any friends that he communicate with. Just me.

  • Divorce is worst. Deny sex till he satisfy you.

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  • It sounds like he's treating you as more of a possession than a beloved wife! He needs to fix up or his stoopid ass deserves to be ditched. If he carries on I'd say it's not unreasonable at all for you to leave him.

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What Girls Said 4

  • You need to have a discussion with him about how the way he treats you in the bedroom turns you off, and tell him flat out that you are not going to have sex with him unless he makes some changes (and tell him what you want). And then stand by that decision. If he's unwilling to make any effort to improve, get rid of him.

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  • You guys need to go to couples therapy. You shouldn't divorce until you've dotted every i, crossed every t, and looked under ever rock. Your kids deserve better than to just give up because it's hard. Remember, you said for better or WORSE.

    He sounds really selfish, though. And immature.

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  • Tell him
    That if he keeps on ignoring what you want
    And doesn't listen to what you want
    You are planning on leaving him
    And if he doesn't try to clean up his act
    That leave
    But
    Tell him you are going to leave
    If he keeps this up
    Just as a warning

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  • Honestly I think you should stay. But you might start to "stray" due to the fact your husband can't satisfy you so you'll find someone who will. But you need to make him understand I don't think he's taking you seriously.

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