I have always had the tendency to get obsessed over things (like an interest or some peculiar thing).
In third grade, I was obsessed with "stocks" in the colonial times.
For a few months, I have been obsessed with heartbreak and breakups. Now, my dating history only consists of a few rejections, many failed attempts at trying to talk to girls and two unrequited loves, so I haven't violently had my heart shattered yet, but it has been a huge fear of mine and something I was going batshit crazy over (and partly the reason I am in therapy along with my critically low self-esteem).
Recently, I have realized that without pain and sorrow, life wouldn't be good and that it's necessary. On the other hand, my obsession and fear doesn't end. I continue to obsessively search up severe heartbreak stories daily on the internet (most recent one here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ndPjR1fVgE - god that really got to me). Partly I am so afraid because having always been a rejected loner my whole life pretty much and not having had a very active social life, I have developed a very low self-esteem in a social/romantic context. This poses is severe risk in and of itself, because naturally I am going to be so needy and insecure in my first relationship and then she'll dump me for that and that's IF I get a girlfriend which in and of itself is seeming so questionable (which is the heart of my demoralization I am feeling).
I have been feeling really miserable and dejected in general. I want to fucking cry and I have been trying to get myself to, but I just can't (I don't know why).
Now I am starting to feel moderate discomfort in my own heart.
Have I slowly broken my own heart through all this heartbreak story-reading and emotional self-destruction over the past few months?
Most Helpful Guy
You again... What did I tell you last time? Jesus man. Get a grip.
Don't even worry about dating. You are nobody yet! You have your whole life ahead of you! You want to find someone to love and hold dear to you forever? Well GUESS WHAT? If you don't love yourself, why would anyone else? They will just pity you or feel bad for you or take advantage of you. It is not a "them" issue, it is a "you" issue. You receive what you put out... if you put out shit you, will receive shit. First off GET AWAY FROM THAT RED PILL BULLSHIT. It is horseshit. Low life losers supporting each other in horrible negative ways.
Put yourself first. Get mentally healthy, get an education!!! Gain confidence, smart friends, open doors for yourself. Love should not even be on your mind right now (I know that is hard to conceive, but it is true). Set yourself up for success first, the rest will follow. THAT is how you find good quality women. They don't want people who feel sorry for themselves, they don't want people who are broken, they don't even want to be first in your priorities, have passion, drive, not caught up in this love game that has you broken.
Look up actualized. org on YouTube and watch some of the videos that are related to this. How to be a man, how to stop worrying, how to get good self-esteem, etc. but most importantly remember that UNTIL YOU ARE THE BEST YOU CAN BE, YOU WILL NOT FIND ANYONE WHO WILL GIVE YOU WHAT YOU NEED. Start at the bottom, that is, with YOU.1