How to crush her heart in the best way?

Truth is, I have been in a relationship with one girl for 11 years. I was "nice guy" from a religious family and was poor with women. I never had any relationships except her. She even dumped me after 3 months but then took me back. I settled for her (was never really that attracted to her). But we grew up together, and I started changing because I was tired of this "nice guy" shit. Hit gym, did hobbies, got out there, started climbing the corporate ladder etc. I obviously started attracting females but couldn't pursue this as I was with her. So I stayed with her because it was "the right thing to do". Obviously though it started bubbling and I confronted her about it. We tried making it work, then it bubbled again and then I said we need to split. Then she told me I could have sex workers in order to "try out" other women. Thing is, I can't do that. But by now you can see she really wants to keep me. She has also turned into a 30 yr old hottie who takes care of me and loves people and social things. I do think she is a phenomenal person and I could settle down with her... BUT like I told her, she could be the richest most beautiful girl in the world and it still won't be solving the main problem: I want to try new women and experiences. I want to be single. Just for the next 5 years left of my youth (I look like a 25 yr old athlete... but it won't be for long). Now she also wants children with me (and we have an excellent relationship)... but after Christmas and New Year (with her family) I am going to end it... I just don't know how to say it best after all we been through. She is also financially dependent on me... and I am happy to support her for a bit until she gets on her feet. Do I offer this to her or do I just cut her cold? I still want to be friends as we share so much history. What's the best approach?

0|0
34

Most Helpful Girl

  • I understand what you mean. It's hard to think of settling down with one person for the rest of your life.
    But this is douchy... I know a guy whose been married for a very long time, had like, 7 kids with a woman and then lost a butt load of weight. He left her as soon as he lost weight because of the same reason that you're describing... But it's incredibly selfish. Look at it from her position, she's given you ELEVEN years, That's a really long time and literally almost half of your life (roughly)
    There is no "nice" way to tell her that you want to be free from an 11 yr relationship.
    I think a girl who'd still want you after what you've told her, Is definitely a girl worth keeping.
    But I'm not you, and I'm sure I don't know every detail.
    I just want you to reconsider.
    If any of your future girlfriends found out that you turned away a perfectly good woman purely because you got tired of her and wanted to feel young? I'm just gonna go out and tell you that they're not gonna be happy and that is certainly not the kind of guy I would go for

    0|0
    0|0
    • Whats more douchy, leaving her for the truth, or living like this and screwing sex workers on the side? People split up for so many reasons, I think mine is as good a reason as any. Its not selfish as much as other reasons for break ups and divorces. My only regret was not having the courage to do this sooner.

    • Show All
    • It's a bit deeper than the want to feel younger. I want to do what I should have done when I was younger. It must be great being with a person you actually were attracted to, must be great going out on a date with somebody you live from the beginning, must be awesome taking somebody back to your place etc, I never had any of this.

    • ... love from the beginning.

Recommended Questions

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • Send her this post when you are ready to completely break away from her.

    0|0
    0|0
    • She knows most of this anyway. I am going to give her the marching orders. I just want to do it the best way. Seriously.

  • Saying you're a "nice guy" doesn't make you a nice guy, you sound like a dick tho if that's what your going for

    0|0
    0|0
    • Hence the reason why I put "used to be a nice guy". I have every right to this, why must I stay trapped in a relationship that I don't like,. Being truthful is better then being a douche. So must I stay in half hearted relationship based on lies and sex workers? I need to break this relationship but in the best way, can you, as a girl, help HER by helping me do this right?

    • Show All
    • Well... I think I would rather talk to her face to face then... Thanks.

    • And don't hate me... hate the variables that added to this situation. I am just one of those guys who woke up and figured it out at a later stage and unfortunately had this awesome lady thrown into it.

What Guys Said 4

  • with one of these...

    https://i.imgur.com/98ppWA0.gif

    0|1
    0|0
  • Remember when she dumped you, she obviously didn't have trouble dumping you back then, so don't worry about how she will feel if you dump her now. Tell her how you're still young and not ready to settle down with her, this is about what you want, not what she wants. She's financially dependent on you? Come on, she doesn't have kids so what's stopping her from getting a job? It sounds like she's using you, she needs to respect your choices so just explain it like it is.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Thanks man. She has a job, but a shitty one. That dumping story does get to me too... I must admit. She isn't using me, she really loves me (I wish she was using me as it would be easier to dump her). That's the thing though... the moment she mentioned kids... she kinda forced me now to take action... because I need to do this before kids.

  • Start by saying "I'm not happy. This is not working for me." Then you have a long conversation explaining all this you just wrote. It's not fair to either of you if you stay in a relationship you don't want to be in. If it continues you will probably have kids. A few years further down the road these feelings have been nagging you even more and you will snap and break it off and the kids will also be suffering over this.

    But, since she has already agreed that you could be with sex workers then perhaps another solution could be made. Instead of sex workers it could be a regular girl that you both agree will be acceptable. This way you will get you sex thing out of your way and you can keep your relationship with this girl you say is good for you.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Thanks man. I did discuss another option to the sex worker thing (like a friends with benefits or an open relationship... even swinging) but she said there can be no emotion. It is a high class sex worker (regulated... in Australia) only. But that's one thing that she also isn't into much... sex. She is so not sexually adventurous. Our first major fight came because of this and she tried getting better but I don't think she has a high libido or an adventurous spirit. She hates bj's too... If I was the man I am now, I would have probably ended the relationship after our first few sessions. But other than that... she is really good to me.

  • You are a douche holy shit are you trolling or somethin?

    0|0
    0|0
    • Why am I a douche? please explain? Really... I want to know... this is really happening...

    • shit man I'm really sorry I misread this entire thing. If anything talk with her, like i don't know, tell her what your feelings are. It'll be rough but your gunna have to break to her at some point

Recommended myTakes

Loading...