What does this guy mean?

my boyfriend broke up with me everything in our relationship was fine while I was still stationed overseas but when things started to become challenging in our relationship he ended things. I had gotten new orders back to the united states. even after I got back for the first few days things still seemed fine before he just got to the point where he said he can't do this. 11 days after we broke up he told me..."you're a great person but I don't want to be with you romantically, I care for you as a person, a friend but not a lover." yes I was crushed when I heard this because it made me wonder why in the world did he get into a relationship with me in the first place. days before he said these things he told me that he wanted to be by himself for a year or two to fix things in his life and that he keeps jumping from one relationship to the next and he never gave him time to himself. but for him to say this about me it made me wonder what was wrong with me. he told me that there was nothing wrong with me. then I asked him was everything based on a lie while we were together... he then responds and says "it could have lasted between us, it was just bad timing." what is this bad timing stuff have to do with anything and if he doesn't even like me romantically then how is everything bad timing? also his ex had just dumped him in June 2014 due to long distance. I was in a long distance relationship with him once I came back to the united states. it's like everything he had said he flipped the script once I got back over here to the states. all of the long term talk started to disappear. and after we broke up he says that we live apart and that sine i'm in the states he doesn't want to be with me anymore but this was days before he told me that he didn't want to be with me romantically. I remember when we broke up it had only been a day after the break up and he told me you need to move on. it's like he was being a total a**hole to me.


Most Helpful Guy

  • There are times some guys go into their mental den to get things sorted. It's hard or even impossible for a woman to help a man in this situation.

    Of course each guy and girl is a different person too, so I can't be 100% sure what's going on in his head. Here are my guesses :-

    1. He doesn't feel it's perfect with you and is getting "cold feet" or commitment issues. This could the case if he is physically attracted to you, but if you spoke about something like your guys future?

    2. He is finding himself attracted to another girls/had an affair and is feeling guilty because he doesn't feel too romantic for you but feels culpable for hurting you because he still cares of your emotions.

    3. He is going through a difficult phase (financial, emotional etc.) and needs to be by himself to reflect, think about himself and doesn't feel support by leaning on you. This could be true if your relationship is new or was based mostly on attractions and "good time" hang outs.

    Think about the events that have occurred and try to single out which it may be.

    • well I know a few days before we broke up his mom's car was about to get repossessed she was 600 bucks behind on the payments and he started snapping at me when he couldn't find any solutions. as far as another girl? I don't think so. I know after we broke up he said that he wanted to be by himself for a year or two because he felt like he kept rushing from one relationship to the next but he also gave me a lot of run around excuses like... hey lets maybe try the relationship again once I get to California, then he told me lets start over as friends and see where it goes... I mean he was all over the place. it was very confusing and very tiring. then he told me that we were just going to be friends and that's it. he said so much stuff it was a headache

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    • how can he feel anything telling me that he doesn't want to be with me romantically then turning around saying that it could have lasted between us and that it was just bad timing. in all honesty I feel deep down inside that if I had stayed with this guy he would have pulled my career down. i'm not trying to sound better than him but i'm in college working on my degree i'm in the military just like him. I work hard, I'm trying to build a future for myself, saving my money investing but he on the other hand wanted me to get out of the military while we were still together just because he doesn't want to stay in. before he came to the military he used to just hang out with his friends and smoke weed. i'm just being honest and I know he used to ask me if we did live together would I mind if he smoked weed in the house. I mean I don't know... I just felt like we weren't on the same page with goals but I hung in there with him trying to help him out. he doesn't have any motivation

    • Well looks like you have to get away from him then!

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What Guys Said 2

  • I presume he means what he said and nothing short or long of it.

    • every time I tried to talk about it to him and tell him that bad timing was not an excuse he would get mad and say i'm not trying to argue and that he was done talking for now. that's all I ever got out of him everytime.

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    • At least we all can agree that he was worthless. Life is better now.

    • lol. gosh I actually feel better now lol

  • Miss, this guy is on the rebound. The relationship you had with him was only there to fill the void he's encountering.

    Sorry for your loss. Avoid anyone who has just gotten out from a relationship because they are 100% on the rebound

    • EXACTLY. you're right about that. even before we got together in a relationship he got cold feet telling me wait for him for an entire year and then he would come to California to find me and then be together. I used to be stationed in japan and he is stationed there still but his home is originally California. My time was up in Japan and I got new orders to California.

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    • Seems like he didn't have enough time to heal himself.

      Oh well that's life :D Hope you'll move on faster

    • yeah that was a waste of my time. even though he claims that he had not talk to his ex or contacted her while we were together it still said a lot that he didn't respond and tell her that he had a girlfriend when she told him she loved him. that was his chance to tell her when she messaged him but he didn't.

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