Best way to break up with someone I don't want to hurt?

The title says it all. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months now. I'm not getting what I need from the relationship and have tried talking to him about it before. What's the best way to end a relationship without hurting him? He's a good guy, just not ready to date.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • There is no way to do it without hurt, I hope you know that. Though you can do it, better than others. Many people just walk away, or say stupid stuff.

    Direct is better. It makes it easier on everyone, even if it seems more hurtful. You just need to tell him that he is a nice guy, but the two of you are not right for one another. He may ask lots of questions or be surprised, but all you need to do is say "We have spoken about where we are, and what we need several times. Nothing is changing. It is apparent we aren't for each other." Then tell him thank you for understanding and end the conversation.

    it is to the point and short. You aren't mean about it. He knows and has a reason, and understands that you are moving on and don't need "space" or "time" or whatever (and no one ever really understands what that means except that they hope there might be some sort of future after all).

    Best wishes! P. S. do it in person not on phone or text. That is more respectful.

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    • Thank you for responding and giving a good amount of advice. I think that is a great way to do it. I care about him, and he is a good person. But we just aren't meant for each other.

    • Been there, know how you feel. This isn't fun but he will respect you for it later.

    • I hope so :(

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What Guys Said 6

  • He's going to get hurt, regardless of what you do. "I don't think this is working for such and such a reason, I'm breaking up with you."
    That way he's not left thinking what did I do wrong and he can improve upon himself.

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    • Thanks for responding. It is sort of his fault that I want to break up though so I know it'll take it personally. But I'll think about your approach.

  • I love this.

    "How can I hurt someone without hurting them?"

    Only the best and brightest can do that and if you were one of them you'd not have to ask.

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    • If you have nothing of value to say, you don't need to speak.

    • Show All
    • You clicked my question so don't get it twisted. If it's valueless to you, why waste your time? :P

    • Because I love you. If only you could see that Allison. But you never look at me the way you do other guys. I'm sorry.

  • First of all, the discussion must be face to face. Second, you have to tell him everything you expected from him, but that which he didn't fulfill. So you've covered his side. but what about you? Where did you fail? A relationship isn't about one persons's failings. A successful relationship is about where both have failed, but both have endeavoured to make it right,

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    • I probably failed in not communicating as best as I could. I mean I've told him the issues I had when I tried ending it before. They got a little better but not by much. Besides that I can honestly say I've been a good girlfriend. I treat him well. I always spoil him as best as I can when we're together. So yeah I should of communicated more but he knew the issues I had and I didn't want to fight about it.

    • It sounds like you've tried to do the right thing by him, and now it's up to him to deal with it. There are only so many times you can be polite, before the person starts wasting your time of becomes an emotional drain. I have friends who continually get themselves into situations where they *are* too polite (by polite I mean, not being blunt), and then have to dig their way out. The advice I give to them is: keep saying no. An keep saying no louder and louder till the message gets through (obviously this is a metaphor, you can say "no" in many ways). Good luck.

  • Try to put him off so he breaks up with you. Suggest a 3 or 4 way with only other guys to him and see how he reacts.
    Or tell him you're moving back in with your parents and you want him to come live there with you.
    Make really awkward situations, like invite him out for coffee with your father and then just say you're going to the bathroom and just leave him there with him for ages.
    Have fun with the situation.

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  • I only see you as frnd and we can still be frnds...

    Say that and bam... he won't talk to you for a few days! And then its gonna get normal again!

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  • Say I got dildo, now buzz off

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What Girls Said 3

  • Easy. You can start doing things he hates in order to make him break up with you.
    But that's kind of manipulative and vile. It may also take a long time. You asked for advice though.

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    • I appreciate it. I don't want him to hate me though and he knows me well enough to know it would be an act. But if my first approach doesn't work, I might try it.

  • I would say face to face is the best way that's how I did it

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  • Sometimes causing someone else pain is unavoidable. Especially when it comes to break ups. He's going to be hurt either way, but the longer you wait, the more pain you both will go through. Just take a deep breath, and do what's best for you. Yes, it will hurt him. And if you're a decent person, it will hurt you to hurt another. But you'll both heal and move on in time.

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