Need help with a clingy bf... I don't know what to do?

What do I do, I've been with my boyfriend for about a year now, we have been arguing, disagreeing, having constant conflict for probably about 9 months of the relationship. At first I really did think he was my soul mate. Yet I have always been a girl that has a cold personality, have a lot of guys as my mates, plus we all dance and that's how we socialize, catching up to dance. My bf has always had a problem with me catching up or talking to them via text or fb. I'm always told I'm not emotional enough, I need to be more affectionate and he knows it's not who I am. Yet i now barely see any of my friends, I have to tell him when I have heard from any of my friends, and what has been said. I hardly go on fb because of the constant drama around it all now (time and time again I've been accused of going on when I haven't been on)
And now over the last 2 months I have tried breaking up with him because I know I deserve better, a relationship to me shouldn't be like this. And when I told him I had enough of the fighting and I was done he begged and cried and would storm in and out of the room, (creating a scene infront of my mum.) said he would change and wrote down this contract about what he would do to change. And the fights kept going about the same things. So I tried breaking up again, and the same things happened, this time the fight was worse he got angry and would use it to scare me and not let me get away, didn't touch me, yet I pushed him away because I wanted him out. But he wouldn't leave. this has now happened 3 times, and the last time was at his house which I still wasn't allowed to leave. I'm so emotionally drained, I don't know what to do. And on top of all that I've started having feelings for another guy, who showed me that I do deserve better. I don't necessarily want to be with him but it has just proven to me that I need to get out of this relationship... Any ideas on how I can do it? I don't want to hurt my bf tho, he really is a good person.
Updates:
I like to hip hop dance. And my friends I used to go out with consists of majority guys and a couple girls. We used to go to the local club to just dance for the night.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • "I don't want to hurt my bf tho, he really is a good person.", every single motherfucking one of these ends with this. It's retarded. Just hurt the bastard ONCE and get it over with than setting yourself up for these inevitable waves of conflict and making everyone more bitter.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Either way it's obviously your current boyfriend isn't going to get out the relationship without feeling hurt. Just lay it out for him and tell him it is over one more time. Since you said he scared you the last time you tried to end things I would recommend bringing along a friend when you deliver the news or do it in a public place and then leave if he starts to make a scene. If he refuses to listen start changing your relationship status to single and call him so it hits home that you're through. If he still has a hard on for you and won't leave you alone change your number and think about a restraining order, because he seems like he isn't all that emotionally stable.

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What Guys Said 33

  • You deserve better. You need to just tell him its over and cut off all contact with him. I would suggest (provided your new guy is strong enough), get this new guy to kick his ass. But I think thats a little dramatic and would only end well in a perfect world. :)

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    • The last part? Really?

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    • For her and the new guy I mean. Plenty of films end with that sort of thing. The girl is with some asshole and she is saved by the brave knight or whatever. And there you have it, a happy ever after. Of course, @Agrojag, you understand I originally intended this as a joke. As a real world situation wouldn't end so smoothly and I wouldn't advise this sort of action sincerely.:)

    • Well I was hoping but I never assume anyone's intent on the internet. Haha!

  • My opinion is that maybe you are not ready for a serious relationship. Going dancing with your "mates " who happen to be mainly male mates can be seen as you wanting different things in life. Usually when someone settles down it becomes easier to enjoy your experiences with you other half to the point of having your own family etc. Would you then still want to meet up with your mates and dance while your baby daughter sleeps at home?

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  • Let make an assumption perhaps you don't like him you just love the drama that goes around your relationship. Its not worth the trouble. Lets say if you both get married its going to be non stop arguments. So break up with him because that's an unhealthy relationship. I mean what if you both had kids they are going to be in the middle of all that.

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  • If "hip hop dancing" means grinding on a bunch of dudes while he's not around, I can understand his concern.

    That said, if he's forcing you to do anything or refusing to leave when you ask him to, he's not "a good person". It's fearmongering and emotional abuse, and that's not okay.

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  • Sounds like he's insecure about himself and he doesn't trust you. A relationship without trust never works. If the whole crying and begging thing worked before then he'll use it every time. Don't fall for it. End that relationship.

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  • It seems to me that no good can come of this relationship. I can only see the arguments violent, you have to make the break it is best for both of you. If he does become violent then report it you must for your owne sake

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  • Leave... Don't look back no matter how much it hurts. Your not going to help yourself by staying in an unhappy relationship. Be selfish and grow yourself before worrying about an emotionally controlling man.

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  • Your in a tough spot. I've been that guy, but not as bad. There were drugs involed with my ex. I loved her so much. She had lots of boy friends. I didn't like her hangin with any of them. They were drug dealers and scumbags. Sorry this isn't helpful.

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  • You need to have a heart to heart conversation with him. Tell him exactly how you feel. You are so terribly drained because of the stress in the relationship. All the arguing, fighting, and contracts. Love shouldn't be this way. Tell him you need time away from relationships. And you think it would do him good too. He will get upset, but stand your ground and don't give in. You may say your sorry. Tell him you got somewhere to be, and don't let him question you. If you have to answer, tell him your going to a quiet place to clear your mind. If he still won't let you go, have a friend call you up to meet some where.

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  • Aren't you hurting him NOW by not really making him see reason and the light?
    Each time every one of us has been hurt, we have grown - stronger and smarter.
    So... you can do this in two ways:
    One... with a very serious tone call him and tell him you need to speak to him. When you meet with the same non-nonsense-all-business approach tell him that you are moving on and you wish him well. No drama. Be objectivity personified
    Two... simply move away to a place where YOU are comfortable with who you really are. Go to a place, hang out with friends with whom you can be happy.
    If you are getting my drift... yes! I am suggesting that by trying to be somebody this guy wants... you are hurting yourself even more.
    Bite the bullet - move on. Cheers.

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What Girls Said 24

  • My boyfriend gets like this, lol. Minus all that crying crap. He really overdoes it sometimes forreaaaal. I understand where you are coming from dealing with his insecurities. I actually recall one time me and my hubby got in a really stupid argument, and I left and told him I was going to get pizza. When I got home he didn't even open the door he answered me through the damn peep hole like WHERE IS THE PIZZA? No joke at the time I was angry but we both got over it lol ANYWAY point is if you guys cannot work through this with time and discussion you shouldn't stretch this out any further. However, maybe it's just me... but I find it disrespectful going to the club with a bunch of guy friends and your boyfriend nowhere in sight. Maybe other "feminists" would disagree with me but I just wouldn't do it. I wouldn't like my hubby stumbling in at 3 in the morning with paint or moonshine spilled all over his shirt smelling like 10 different girls scents from a long night of clubbing. Sounds to me like this is your issue, you just don't like him as much as you thought you did. And he REALLY cares about you. Some people don't realize they are being controlling and manipulative. I love my boyfriend to death and I would never go clubbing with a bunch of guys, I barely go out unless it's with girls, I feel bad even responding to other guys! I prefer to stay home with my *future* husband. Then again I could be wrong and he could just be a manipulative jerkoff and you should run for the hills. But it does sound to me like you are not at a point in life where you can be capable of caring for significant others feelings and being in a relationship.

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    • Sounds like me and my man! Your honesty is good. Some people really can't tell how possessive they are.

  • OK u need to MOVE ON!! he is WAY to controlling!!! u can't do fb u can't dance with friends, he created a scene in front of your MUM -- those are RED FLAGS u can NOT afford to dismiss!!! AND u werent ALLOWED to leave... LEAVE while u can he could hurt u!!! MOVE ON!

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    • Why DO you EXCESSIVELY USE caps LOCK WHEN YOU"RE typing?

      It LOOKS REALLY weird AND NOT only THAT it makes YOU LOOK LIKE a try hard!

      Nvm I looked at your age and I kind of understood why you're doing it. It's because you're old. and people do things differently in the old country.

  • Tell him that if he wants to be with you, he should trust you. If he thinks you cheat on him he should leave you
    and find someone else. Make it clear that he has to choose, either stop getting so jealous or leave you alone. Make it clear you mean it

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  • Again I'm not an expert on any of this stuff but it sounds like to me you should get out of this relationship as soon as you can. He sounds mean and if I couldn't leave when I wanted to that would be enough for me. And you say that happened 3 times? Just saying.

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  • You know you have to break up with him as soon as possible. He shouldn't take it personally the fact that he's not your type. Don't worry too much about his feelings, he can handle it, he'll make it through. He'll be better without someone who's not interested in him, and you'll be better with someone who's not like him, kinda needy

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  • you said you did not want to hurt him, but you are breaking up with him 3 times and then take him back, that hurts you and him more. break up with him once, it will hurt then, but he will get over it. instead of what you are doing now you are just dragging this break up longer than it have to.

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  • Just break up with him. There will never be a "good" time to breakup with someone, so don't wait for the "right" moment. Both of you deserve to be in a loving relationship where both people are happy. I hoped I have helped at least a little bit :)

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  • Try breaking up in a public place next time and if he resists put your foot down and end it. This is wasting both your time and his! And if he gets aggressive, threaten to call the authorities, because he is a grown man and should act like so.

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  • It sounds to me he's a violent person and has trapped you in this relationship. i also think this may be caused by past relationships ending badly, i hate it when people say theyll change and they actually haven't. sounds to me he's manipulating you for you to not leave him. if he's at work one day pack your things and leave. he's a control freak you deserve better!! Good luck and wish you the best :)

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  • Okay if he's keeping you at his house against your will he is breaking the law. You definitely do deserve better-if you have to get a restraining order, change your phone number and if he's keeping you away from your friends that's a red flag! The fact that you are emotionally drained says that you have had enough-keep in touch with your friends that you know won't tell him anything and don't start dating this new guy yet. Be his friend but don't let it go any further until you appealed from this relationship otherwise you're not going to be making clear judgments. It sounds like you clearly know that you need to get away from him and if you've had conflict for so long now and he actually scared you-you need to get out! I hope your 2015 year is a great one because you deserve so much better!

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