Friend separated 6 years ago but still no further on with divorce... Why?

They live in separate cities, he left her, he doesn't pay maintenance anymore as she told everyone he wasn't paying when he was, she dictates his visitation to kids...
Kids seem afraid to go against mum's decisions regarding their dad... Eldest child completely brainwashed against her dad.
Mum has told them for last 6 years dad doest love them and doesn't pay for them. He left her but has always loved the kids.
Dad did pay her cash until she told kids he didn't give her money...
She bitches about wanting money he bitches about not being allowed to see kids but neither have gone legal with divorce, maintenance or visitation...
Kids are obviously being damaged by both parents point scoring...
Why can't they just do the right thing and sort out their mess?

Updates:
I'm the wife's friend and next door neighbour actually, I don't understand how she can't see that the point scoring on the husband is hurting ther kids or if she does see it how she can't see it's not right. I hear what she tells the kids some is true but I don't see they need to know adult issues.
I would get divorced and have visitation and money sorted in court.
I have not altered motives I just hate seeing kids hurt.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Perhaps he still cares for her on a level, even though she is being precocious.

    Too many people these days run to divorce the moment they "feel" the slightest bit "Unhappy". It scares people away from marriage, and is destroying the family unit in this country.

    It has been said, that once the family is destroyed, society will often follow.

    I hope she can learn to be humble, and that he can learn to forgive, and let God heal what's left, strengthen and bolster it. I hope that for the kids' sake. A softening of every heart in this family. It is really needed.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I know several couples who've not divorced because its either expensive, religious beliefs, etc. It could be a number of reasons. But the situation you described does not sound healthy at all

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What Guys Said 2

  • Why is this a problem for you when it shouldn't be?
    Im totally sure this " friend " happens to be your bf and I sense a lot of jealousy.
    If this is your bf friend why not ask him?
    Who here could possibly answer a question like that?
    You don't know the woman's side of anything. Only what this friends side has to offer really right

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  • "Why can't they just do the right thing and sort out their mess?", because Dr. Phil will always be gainfully employed.

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