Why are there so many reports of "random/sudden breakups"?

... you know... the ones where they don't give any closure and just disappear all of a sudden?

I hear so much about them happening, and I mean personally I have never been on a date (because I never managed to get one), but I have hung around a lot on the internet in general over the past four years and see lots of stories of, "One day he/she just suddenly broke up with me."

It seems like one thing if there is an identifiable malfunction in the relationship, etc but what gives with all the sudden breakups?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Any anecdotal evidence relating to romantic relations is to be taken with a grain of salt. People are telling you their story from their view so even if they heard a thousand times "I need you to do this" and it went in one year and out the other they feel that it is "sudden" to them! They did "everything right" despite not having spent half a second listening to the other person. You get this scenario all the time; person does everything they think a partner would want, does nothing the partner actually wants, and they are shocked because they were a "good partner" in their own universe and essentially dated themselves.

    • That's what people have been telling me. I am actually in therapy in part for this reason (having artificially jaded myself through years of reading about other people's negative experiences and as a result demoralizing myself over them).

      On the other hand, sometimes I also hear about people's feelings just changing over time and then when they actually break it to their SO, it seems sudden to the dumpee.

    • That's very rare in humans for two reasons:

      1. Usually when feelings change, esp. over time, there are clear indications.

      2. Usually if it is well hidden there's an incentive to stay with the person and it's not sudden.

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