How do I make my husband of 20 years want to leave?

My husband and I have been together since I was 16. We weren't married until I was 22 but I realize now that I was too young and inexperienced to know what I wanted. I have fallen out of love with him. In fact he disgusts me. I have told him that I feel we have grown apart, that I'm no longer attracted to him and that I have grieved our marriage already. We have a 16 year old son who my husband feels couldn't handle it, but who tells me his dad won't talk to him and doesn't love him. I stay positive about my spouse in front of my son and tell him his dad is just quiet and trying to correct him. Since we have grown apart I am now in an affair with a friend of ours. My lover is also married and doesn't want us to seek divorces until my son is out of school. I believe he is sincere and really loves me. I want rid of my husband either way because I am so miserably unhappy. I feel like a trapped fly. How do I make him want to leave? He wants another chance and now he is trying too hard and smothering me. It has made him even more unattractive to me than ever. Thanks for any outside perspective on my situation.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • well you need to cut the affair asap. that is a recipe for destruction. if your husband were to find out he could divorce you, take your child and really leave you with nothing... typically infidelity will result in no alimony during a divorce proceeding.

    I think if you are just no longer in love you need to broach the subject of divorce to your spouse. explaining that maybe you wait until your son is in college or 18 but that you think it's unfair to you and him to be in a relationship in which you aren't in love with your partner

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    • Really depends where you live. Infidelity is irrelevant where I am. She could still clean him out.

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    • Yes her infidelity would have no bearing in court. Divorce is a woman's playground honestly.

    • I know states like New York and California have very distinct laws regarding divorce as a result of proven infidelity. I guess women should move to Canada

Most Helpful Girl

  • You need to remain firm in your desire for him to go. Say it and mean it. Or, do like I did and YOU leave. I found an apartment close enough to make shared custody of the kid easy, signed the lease, told him and left. We are currently very good friends now and ate drama free. It takes balls of steel but you can do it.

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What Guys Said 12

  • Do NOT stay together to "protect" your son. Finding out at a later date that this part of his life was a lie can be devastating and can lead to a more generalized crisis. Your son may question what else is a lie... his father's love... his mother's love... If you stay together, it MUST be to preserve the marriage for its own sake. If you are committed to divorce, sooner is better for everyone.

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  • Bullshit.

    You are simply trying to justify your behavior.

    Attraction always fades. Yet some people stay together for life. That's because love is a choice. It is an action, and you are rejecting love for your own selfish, lustful gratification.

    If you weren't cheating on your husband, I guarantee you would, with honest effort, find the ability to feel love toward him--because actions come before feelings. You are feeling disgusted by him, not because of him, but because his presence reminds you that you are cheating and you just don't want to feel guilty.

    And cheating with a married man. Your ability to lie to yourself is impressive if you honestly think that man loves you. He doesn't. He has no stock in you other than his dick. And are you really going to trust him in a relationship when he has demonstrated a willingness to cheat?

    I have suggestions.

    First, drop the lover.
    Second, buy a book called the Passion Trap by Delis and Phillips
    Third, go to couples therapy.
    Fourth, stop bullshitting yourself.

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  • You need to file for the divorce or tough it out for 2 years.

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  • Why don't you leave him and file for a divorce? Unless you want some sort of financial pay off?

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  • This soap opera has too many easy solutions and you seek none of them so there's far more to it than meets the eye. I don't want to play today.

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  • Show him this question, that should do the trick ;)

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  • Cheat. If that's too harsh for you. Just go for broke and tell him that you ain't happy with him

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  • Just file for divorce

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  • WHY do you want your husband to leave you?

    Why can't you leave him?

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    • Do I smell greed?

  • just go and have sex with a black man thats enough to file for a divorce and sure to piss him off lol.

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  • You come across as amazingly selfish, dishonest and mean. The goal of all your plans is just to get the best deal possible without paying any price (waiting till you and your lover want, getting rid of him, hoping your son won't hold it against you, etc)...

    The two-year-itch is a reason why quite a few women fall out of love with their partners. This happens with so many couples. Women usually deprive their husband of sex -- the glue in a relationship -- and really screw up things for the entire family.

    I usually don't moralise about other people's relationships. But having been through something similar, I can really see where you're coming from!

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  • This is just sad. I'm amazed someone would admit to all of this.

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What Girls Said 5

  • Ugghh. I'm so scared of having a relationship that ends like this.

    As I see, you have already been direct to him. Just hand him the divorce papers. If your lover doesn't Want to divorce yet, then that's fine.

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  • This is disgusting. You both are home wreckers... You should have not gone fit a married man while you are married

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  • You need to speak to him! Have you?

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  • You don't. You leave. Because obviously he deserves better than you. Cheaters disgust me. You should've told the MARRIED man no. I mean, you are breaking up his family. And your family. And for what? Because you're a coward... What you should have done is told your husband that you don't want to work things out, Had a family discussion about it all, divorced him, got your life stable, THEN you should have began looking for a new man. Now you're just trying to make what you're doing okay. When it is not. You are in the wrong. And not only that but you just wrecked another home/family. You should be ashamed of yourself. I hope you get your divorce because your husband deserves so much better than a lying cheating hoho...

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  • I'm pretty sure he'd want to leave if he knew you were having an affair. Tell him that so he can leave and find someone he deserves and not a coward like you

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