I'm sorry that this is so long. My boyfriend is 20 years old, and we've been together for two years. He's had a rough sort of life growing up (his dad abused his mom, he's been friends with very bad influences, he's experimented with lots of drugs, including LSD and MDMA, things like that) and he has a mostly negative attitude, especially towards other people. Of course, I overlooked his flaws because I loved him so much at first, but now I'm not so sure...
Anyways, he likes to lecture me a lot. Not all the time, but it still happens. It's like he tries to act like my dad! He has criticized my driving, the way I do laundry, the way I handle conflict with other people, and basically anything else he disagrees with that I do. He used to go on and on for literally hours about how I knew nothing about the world, how I had such a poor attitude and that I was so flawed. If I argued back, he would get all defensive or tell me I was acting like a kid. Sometimes we have fights so bad that things actually get physical - I'm not perfect, I've hit him as a fear response- or we scream at each other (usually if he's drunk.. once he started calling me the names of all these different demons. like wtf?)
And then we'll be all fine and peaceful for a while, and we'll actually be a happy couple. It feels like a cycle where he'll lecture me, rant, vent, talk over/interrupt me when I have something to say back, or just get mad and blame me for his problems, and then he'll be sorry and treat me nicely. And then it starts over again. I don't know if other guys are like this, or if all relationships have problems like this, but it's starting to wear me out. I'm tired of always preparing to defend myself... or my boyfriend when other people call him out on his behaviour. If I disagree with him and stand up for the person he's mad at, then suddenly I'm the bad one. I'm getting tired of it.
Long story short, we had a baaad fight, I left the house, he yelled out the door that it was over, and I just kept on walking. I feel better about it no. I think I was just too scared/used to the treatment to leave, but I took your advice and it's finally over. Thanks all!
Most Helpful Guy
The only way for people like them to change is if they realize what they lost.
If you leave him and give him time to change I mean time like several months, he may change. But you may get in another relationship, or he might. It's a gamble but hell you shouldn't put up with this crap lol your not even married with kids. Think how the future will look like if he still acts this way.
Honestly if he had an abusive child hood, he should be doing the exact opposite and treat you the way he was never treated. That right there shows a lot1