Is it worth staying in the relationship?

I'm sorry that this is so long. My boyfriend is 20 years old, and we've been together for two years. He's had a rough sort of life growing up (his dad abused his mom, he's been friends with very bad influences, he's experimented with lots of drugs, including LSD and MDMA, things like that) and he has a mostly negative attitude, especially towards other people. Of course, I overlooked his flaws because I loved him so much at first, but now I'm not so sure...
Anyways, he likes to lecture me a lot. Not all the time, but it still happens. It's like he tries to act like my dad! He has criticized my driving, the way I do laundry, the way I handle conflict with other people, and basically anything else he disagrees with that I do. He used to go on and on for literally hours about how I knew nothing about the world, how I had such a poor attitude and that I was so flawed. If I argued back, he would get all defensive or tell me I was acting like a kid. Sometimes we have fights so bad that things actually get physical - I'm not perfect, I've hit him as a fear response- or we scream at each other (usually if he's drunk.. once he started calling me the names of all these different demons. like wtf?)
And then we'll be all fine and peaceful for a while, and we'll actually be a happy couple. It feels like a cycle where he'll lecture me, rant, vent, talk over/interrupt me when I have something to say back, or just get mad and blame me for his problems, and then he'll be sorry and treat me nicely. And then it starts over again. I don't know if other guys are like this, or if all relationships have problems like this, but it's starting to wear me out. I'm tired of always preparing to defend myself... or my boyfriend when other people call him out on his behaviour. If I disagree with him and stand up for the person he's mad at, then suddenly I'm the bad one. I'm getting tired of it.

Updates:
Update everyone! IT'S OVER! :D
Long story short, we had a baaad fight, I left the house, he yelled out the door that it was over, and I just kept on walking. I feel better about it no. I think I was just too scared/used to the treatment to leave, but I took your advice and it's finally over. Thanks all!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • hey girl! no, normal men do not act that way. Love shouldn't hurt. if you let this go on for so long he may influence you to be the same way and you may never have a steady relationship. Please leave him. this is so not worth it, he is not worth it. I know you said sometimes good moments but my interpretation is that is more bad than good. Which is a BIG red flag. Don't let him poison your precious soul. please.

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    • and when the time is right and the person is right, you will totally find someone lovely for you and you will remove this loserr from your memory

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What Guys Said 3

  • The only way for people like them to change is if they realize what they lost.

    If you leave him and give him time to change I mean time like several months, he may change. But you may get in another relationship, or he might. It's a gamble but hell you shouldn't put up with this crap lol your not even married with kids. Think how the future will look like if he still acts this way.

    Honestly if he had an abusive child hood, he should be doing the exact opposite and treat you the way he was never treated. That right there shows a lot

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  • You need to leave that guy lol that relationship sounds so toxic that I can't believe you let it go on this long

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    • His sister tells me I need to leave. Of course everyone in this kind of situation will say "well he's not like this ALL the time" and while he's not that way every single day, and we do have a lot of happy memories together, I'm just at a state where I just do not know what to do. You're probably right though. But emotional attachment sucks

    • It's not a matter of he's not like that all the time he doesn't need to be like that at all iv been my wife for a long time as iv not once berated her like your boyfriend has done you. I can assume you these problems be has will only get worse so keep that in mind because I'm sure you noticed how his behavior has escalated as your relationship has continued.

  • You don't deserve to be treated like that. It sounds like he needs to work out his issues before he is ready for a relationship. God has a better guy out there for you.

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What Girls Said 2

  • You need to leave him. He is not ok. He is un healthy and you will be ok. It will be hard leaving but you will be stronger for it. The hitting won't stop, the belittling won't stop. You are being abused. You are in an abusive relationship. Get out now.

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    • I did finally get out. A friend of mine was ignorant about it and tried to shame me for ever dating him, but I finally learned what I deserve, who I deserve, and that any man who acts the way he did is no man at all.

    • Good for you! Now stay strong, its going to take awhile to move on from him, and this. I know you are going to have moments where you feel amazing about being alone, and there are going to be times when you feel like you need him back to breathe. But you dont, and you will move past it. You dont know me, but you are an amazing girl for having the strength to even leave. Even though the relationship was toxic, it will still be hard. Dont let people tell you that it shouldn't hurt. It should, but you will get better.

  • My boyfriend just dumped me and he acted in this way. I can't tell you how relieved i am... i still miss him and the good times were really great. Sadly the bad times out weighed the good and he had alcohol problems, HUGE temper, and would always play the victim. Let him go and see what he does. Sometimes time can heal all things and help make people grow.

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