Are we breaking up or what?

Me: 32 with a 3yo son
Him: 36 with a 7yo son

We dated 11 great months. Our kids love each other, our families love each other, we love each other's kid. We both have said it feels like family when we're together. We've had lots of obstacles: he had surgery, my divorce was finalized, he lost a job and got a job, I closed by business, and MORE. But we sailed through all of those things without even a hiccup.

I left an abusive marriage 3 years ago. I'm past the relationship, obviously, but there are lingering effects. Over Christmas, things got really serious very quickly and I started to feel like we were already engaged or married. I pulled back out of fear and actually ended the relationship on Jan 1.

As soon as I did, I realized that my feelings were, indeed, very deep and that all my fear stemmed from being scared of marrying the wrong person... and that he's SO DEFINITELY the right person. My best friend. And I know without a doubt that he is the man I want to be with. I tried to fix it the next day, but he thought it best for us to take some time apart over the weekend to think - and that he especially needed to think. It's been a week since then. He's been texting me every day but I've been trying to give him the space he says he wants. I didn't text him at all for the last 24 hours and he texted with "I really missed not hearing from you at all today." But I'm so, so, so sad and confused. I don't know how long to wait for him to "think" and I don't want to pressure him by asking or trying to rush him - he's hurting and he's entitled to all the time he needs. And if the roles were reversed, I would sure be doubting him, too.

I guess I just want to know how long to wait... if I should wait. Or do I just consider it over to save myself from obsessing over it. It's harder every day.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You're too old to play this game. Just ask outright.

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What Guys Said 1

  • well you're only getting older and you have a child. just see to your responsibilities and try to make things work if you want too with him.

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What Girls Said 1

  • If he has asked for some time apart give it to him. If he wants you he will come back. I too was in an abusive realationship and understand what you mean, things trigger emotions. I have at times felt that things are locked away and forgotten about but sometimes something only scrapes the surface and it's all back again. You have to deal with maybe some of your issues, have you told him much about what you went through, as hard as it is. My partner at times when I had "moments", would panic because he didn't want me to think of him as an abuser and too found it hard at times to hear what I lived with for too long. At times he simply didn't know what to do, he knows how much love and respect I have for him and I know he would never hurt me. It takes a good man to put the broken pieces back together, give him space maybe meet at a mutual place when he is ready, explain best you can and reasure him that he didn't do it to you, but is the one that is bringing the real you back again. ( I'm sure you understand what I mean. Don't get yourself in a mess look how far you have come. Take care.

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