Should you separate from wife if there is a baby or somehow work it out and stay unhappy?

I feel like my wife wanted this perfect life and I'm just an accessory in it. She's not a grateful person. I feel as though if I lost my money and had to live in a crummy studio apartment, she would leave me. She's not compromising at all. And if she ever does anything helpful, she will expect 10 times the amount back from me. Also she will mention multiple times "that time when she was helpful".
When I talk to her and tell her to be more supportive, she gets angry and starts a fight. She get super pissed off if I even suggest a separation. Truth is I am from a conservative family background and divorce is a taboo subject. I am quite unhappy with my life and I'm worried that it will affect my health. I can't help picturing how much better my life would be without her in it. Unfortunately we have a very young son (almost 1 year old). If we didn't have a child I would push for separation. I don't know what to do.. Is it too late for me to start over in life? I'm in my 30's and married with a small child. I discussed with my parents but they said work it out, divorce is out of the question. Can anybody give me advice. Thanks.


Most Helpful Girl

  • People seem to think that having a child = better if you stay together... truth is, a child will be much more damaged by growing up to fighting parents. It's better to be happy separately than it is to be unhappy together.


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What Girls Said 3

  • I recommend counseling if you two are up for it. It doesn't help everyone, and you may go through a few counselors. I really liked my last marriage counselor. And hope to see her again for myself as we continue down the divorce path. We have a 6 year old and 2 year old. They seem to be doing OK, but we're both very much involved in their lives and see them everyday. It's still difficult somedays and I feel like a failure, but I had to get off the wheel of hurt & resentment. It is not easy.

    • the counselor helped you get a divorce? how long did you go to him/her for? have you found it difficult to move on with your life? or have you managed well

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    • Not divorced yet, getting the papers together/finalized to file. I just told him I was done. And he moved out. There's a lot of other things/details. But it's the 2nd time we separated within a year.

    • what reasons did you give for this? if i may ask?

  • Ultimately the decision is down to you, not your parents.
    It's never too late to start over :)
    Have you considered couples therapy/counselling?

    • she's changed a lot. not the same person i married. its a sucky feeling to be going through this. I dont think counciling will help. also i don't want to hurt my parents. theyre quite old and im an only child. we are close and their feelings mean a lot to me.

  • As a child of parents who stayed together for the kids, I can honestly say me and my siblings all agree we would have rathered they didn't.
    It's a nice gesture, but tbh it's worse. It's much worse seeing a crappy relationship than having divorced parents and can seriously affect the kids and their own future relationships.
    Any people I know who's parents stayed together just for them, when I've spoken to them about it, they all generally agree with me on this to. It's just a nicer environment for the kids not to see it.

    • I can see your point. it might be more harmful for the kids if they didn't see the love and witness the affection. I don't even know how to go about this. totally confused. kid is so young. both are families involved. Both our families have gotten close. A lot of people will be affected and everythings gonna become complicated.

    • Only if you let it. It doesn't happen often, but some people really can end things amicably and both sides are still good friends, just not in love, some even still go on family trips.

      If you can't speak to her about all this without her becoming very angry, maybe you can just write her a long letter or email explaining everything and how you feel. Sometimes, it's easier to read it than hear it and easier to write it than to say it.

      All I know, is that growing up with parents who don't love each other but still live together is really hurtful and stressful. I know I definitely understood about my parents from a very young age. Kids really do pick up things way younger than we think.

What Guys Said 3

  • Try first to talk , find out what your and her pain points in this situation are: you aren't very clear.
    What are you lacking from her? What is she lacking from you?
    Then work out compromises.
    Does she work? In what job?

    My parents had more reasons to divorce than the story you tell but I only suspected that when i got 16-17. I'm glad they didn't.

    • one main thing i feel lacking is love. she's says it all the time, but true love would behave in a different way. and for the reasons i mentioned in this topic, i fear i am falling out of love. she works a lot.. interior designer

  • See if she will go with you to couple's therapy.

    • i don't even know how to bring that up. it will piss her off and she'll fight a lot with me. she'll make it a point to make me suffer. and she will probably make me suffer by taking my son away from me for a few days.. I really just don't know what to do :(

    • Then you need to lawyer up and protect yourself, unfortunately. Even if you aren't intent on filing for divorce, you need legal advice on how to proceed.

  • It's complex and the final desetion u must do it by urself any way u said ur wife treat u as accesories ! And she will leave u if u live in studio I think u should run from this women BUT after 1 more step ,, set with her and tell her everything u dont like in her and everything u like in her and everything u wish she do it for u and ask if u can start new page ,, and tell her I think if I lost my money u will left me ,, and u look for me as money only ,, if u love her tell her I love u and I want to continue with u to the rest of my life but pls change bcoz I love u and to make our marriage work and for sake of our son

    If she agree with u then u think u should stay

    But if she become angry and give u negative answers dont make it long RUN RUN RUN u dont need to waste ur life with this women 30s still young enjoy it with new wife which appreciate marriage life

    • yes I've often thought how my life would be with a more appreciative wife. But I don't act on it because i'm still married in god's eyes. Also they say grass is always greener on the other side. But that just may seem to be the case and not what u think in reality

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