I don't want to be with my girlfriend anymore, but I don't want to hurt her?

So I've been dating this girl for almost 5 years now, and I just don't want to be with her anymore. We started dating in high school and she's great, the best person I know, shed do anything for anyone. And I love her, I'm just not in love with her anymore. I've just been trying so hard to rekindle things but for some reason I just lost feelings for her.
The most complicated part is that my brother passed away recently he was in his early 20's as am i, and she's been so great taking care of me and all of that, and she loves me so much and I know ending it will shatter her world. I don't know if I can deal with my brother's death and breaking up with her all at the same time. I would feel so horrible breaking up with her as we've talked about marriage and children, I tried doing it today and seeing her fall apart broke my heart, so I told her that I'll just try taking a break from her for a while to see if missing her will help my feelings return. She's staying at her parents house and I'm at home. I also know that a lot of my family will be upset because they love her, and I'm afraid her family will hate me for it.
Any advice would be direly appreciated.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • If you are absolutely sure that a break isn't going to change anything about the way you feel about her, then you need to end it now. It's never easy to end a relationship, especially after such a long time. But if the feelings are gone, it's neither fair on you nor on her to continue this. If you can't be in it with your whole heart, you shouldn't be in it at all.

    I realise it's hard for you to deal with your brother's death as well as with a break-up, but if you are sure that you see no future with her, it's just cruel to postpone the inevitable.

    If you feel like a break might help you to sort out your feelings and figure out what you really want, then by all means stick to the break. But judging by what you wrote, it seems like you are convinced that she isn't the one for you and that the feelings aren't going to return.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I recently broke up with my bf because im the same like you, I fell out of love and he loves me so much. I feel very sorry for him but I can't force myself to pretend. I tried to give it a time also to see if my feelings will come back but sadly no.

    No matter how much it will hurt her, break it off already. The longer you drag it, the complicated it will get. This is life, sometimes you have to play the bad guy. This is the first time I broke up with a boyfriend, my previous' they were the one who broke up with me so I now understand what they must have felt that time.

    Feelings change but memories dont. Just dont regret once you break it off and its given that you will miss her, but what you will miss were the memories.

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What Guys Said 1

  • I feel ya bro. The best thing to do is unfortunately the hardest. You need to just tell her how you feel in the most sensitive but direct way so there are no questions as to what you are telling her. You don't need to be an asshole about it but just explain how you are feeling. This is got to be one of the hardest things when there is nothing "wrong" with your current girlfriend but when your heart is no longer in it it is time to leave. There is no fancy way of letting her down easy because its not going to be easy and there will be a lot of hurt and your going to see her cry. This is life. But in the end she will respect you for being honest and just telling her how you feel. I would probably talk to her as soon as possible. The worst thing you can do is string her along. Be fair to YOUR HEART and HERS. She deserves that and she deserves honestly from you. Best of Luck to you...

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