Ex Boyfriend Behavior any guy perspective would be great?

hi - I am in a complicated situation. I've known my current ex for 6 years. he had dated my friend previously 4 years ago for a month. they are still great and close friends and she has a current bf. it was not weird at all; we asked permission from her and she was over the moon about it back last winter. it was great. Starting off from there, there was no official title. but we would visit (it was long distance by a few hours) every month, me there, he here with me. I met the family etc . Turns out around beginning of the summer he was sleeping with my friend's ( his ex's) little underage sister and they both were keeping it a secret from me. HeartBroken, I stopped communicating, but still can see updates via social media platforms. I lost a lot of weight, and was trying to move forward. I was mad that we had 40 something mutual friends, and previously had already planned to go visit during the summer. I ended up going but not telling him and spent time with our mutual friends, but he found out i was there and was upset/ we met and then we reconnected after he broke down and cried. WE started to officially date end of this summer. The pain, and trust issues, and betrayal stuck with me though, I couldn't shake it. The worst thing was that he expected me to be 100% ok. AND this WHOLE time, from even the first break, he was still communicating with the sister and other exs. But I had to be ok with that, since he always ends things on a good note and is always "friends" with his ex's. We dated for 4 months and then it came to an emotional and bad end 1 month ago, I was sick over the stress and anxiety from his lies and indifference towards me. When I tried everything in my power to make things right when he put in no effort ( and the long distance). Now he seems absolutely fine, still checks my social media platforms, I have deleted him off of everything after I saw he deleted two pics of me off of instagram, even though he has all his ex flings and gf's pics there.

Updates:
I dont know what his actions mean, he's been mia on social media for a bit then now he's posting things that I know we would talk about ALL the time. and Refers his selfies to things he knows I like, and I could see some of my old gifts in the background. He seems so fine. And i just can't imagine, only after a month of officially being broken up, how he can be so dismissive that we've been in each others lives for so long and I wasn't anything worth remembering.

0|0
13

Most Helpful Guy

  • Seriously? You need a guy's perspective? All of the information you need is right there in your post.

    1. He cheated on you
    2. He slept with an underage girl
    3. He treated you like crap.

    If you go back to him, you're an idiot. Move on and find someone who won't cheat and will treat you like a girl should be treated.

    2|1
    0|0
    • I def agree and thank you. It just hard weve been friends for even before dating. and he is a nice guy and technically we never established we were dating back in the early part of the year. but he said he felt pressured to start dating bc he didn't want to loose me at all. and still doesn't want me out of his life but i got so upset by his indifference. but to be ok with it and just be cordial and friends for the sake of all of us is what i know i should do but i feel like a fool to be this hurt by a guy who clearly seems he doesn't care about me. but then claims he does and checks up on me. Its just confusing bc all his ex gfs are fine with him and even still good friends. I dont want to be the emotional bitch but i dont see how he can deserve my friendship even after only 1 month after officially breaking up.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Wow... You obviously need some help.
    Tell him that under no circumstances will you play GF to anyone that does not give you their undivided attention, that it is over. The guy obviously has problems, sleeping with little girls and playing dumb headgames. You must ask yourself: What am I worth? Do I deserve someone who treats me with respect and dignity? Why or why not? You need to sever any emotional connections with him and change some of your life patterns for a fresh start. You need to RISE ABOVE these bad experiences for a better life!

    1|0
    0|0
    • Thank you thats correct you all are so right and I feel foolish for being so beaten and degraded by this person. I felt worthless and ashamed and after all this. even worse. bc he has prob girls lined up and i dont fall for anyone easily. we were planning to live together i was going to move i took a few job interviews. just guess it was the loss of a future rather than the pain of loosing my best friend/boyfriend. the idea it would have been great I guess is where the pain is

    • Yes! Another thing to consider is not sleeping with anyone until you are married, so that you can save your love and feelings with the one who you KNOW will never cheat on you, disrespect you, harm you, but will honour and love you till his dying breath. LESSON TO BE LEARNED: Always go for the best, and make sure you and him are 100% happy about the idea of getting married, and keep yourself nice and good so that he deserves you as well. Water finds its own level.

  • My only question to you is "why?"

    0|0
    0|0
    • I dont know what his actions mean, he's been mia on social media for a bit then now he's posting things that I know we would talk about ALL the time. and Refers his selfies to things he knows I like, and I could see some of my old gifts in the background. He seems so fine. And i just can't imagine, only after a month of officially being broken up, how he can be so dismissive that we've been in each others lives for so long and I wasn't anything worth remembering. and then he just direct snap chatted me last night for the first time since the break up i have no idea what it all means.

    • Show All
    • Well then I guess you'll continue to see this pattern repeating. If you keep doing what you did, you'll keep getting what you got.

    • i can see that you are right. just was confused on his behavior. seeming mia then keeping gifts posting selfies. then directly snapchatting me last night and now all over social media when he never was. just can't see how he can expect us to be friends only after one month. or ever again. when he seems fine. but i dont know how guys act during breakups.

What Girls Said 1

  • See it for what it is. He's a collector who like to play with his collection. He's also a paedo, why hasn't he been arrested? That alone is a huge red flag & you shouldn't have reconciled after that. You have now learned the hard way that actions tell the full story & not words. Block him every way possible & remove any mutual contacts or friends from your life who have no issues in sharing your personal business with him! Do not be alone with him, do not speak to or allow him to contact you.

    0|0
    0|0
    • thankyou that is very helpful. its hard bc I've known some of our mutual friends from college, longer before I even knew him. its just hard bc i used to visit at least once a month for the past 8 years. it was my escape. and now i feel to sick to be around that town. which I loved so much. I can't seem to stop feeling so hurt by his indifference, and bipolar and media actions.

    • Show All
    • you're right. thank you. i want to have an escape. andmy true friends here have always hated him and are trying to get me to be distracted but its a lot of alcohol and destructive distractions. I dont know how to develop a mantra where i come off better and stronger. he's clearly obviously "winning" this breakup. and i feel his actions are confusing when he keeps snapchatting me our fav jokes and things.

    • You are giving him that power. Block him on snap chat or deactivate for a month. He thinks he can bring you back in. Be strong even when it hurts & keep saying "I care about myself enough to let go".

Loading... ;