Those of separated parents. What was it like growing up and going back and forth?

I grew up with a widowed parent. But I'm expecting and we are not going to be together so I'm curious to know what my child might feel and go through so if you can share your thoughts feelings and suggestions on what you wish your parents would do differently


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think having your parents separate when you're still a baby or before you're born is very different from having them separate in the later years, at least that's what I personally find. My parents split while my mom was still pregnant so I have literally never known what it's like to have my parents be together. So, I'm just used to it. It's nothing out of the norm for me. I'm close with my mom and also my grandparents so I never felt the need to have my father around. Sure he has visited a few times and keeps in contact but he's not an active part in my life, and I'm fine with that, because it's all I've ever known, so I don't, like, feel a void or anything like that. But every kid is different so another person in my situation may not feel the same as me.

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    • Now stepparents... I think the same thing applies. Most of the people I know who have grown up with their stepparent see them as a parent. Whereas I got one later in life. Really, really hard to adjust to, never fully adjusted, really.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • I grew up with parents who had bad marriage they divorced in 1994
    but was separated for 4 years. My parents had many arguments over
    many things my dad made me sleep in cold house in Winter months
    my home life was bad at home with dad who was alcoholic, loss is job
    due to termination it was just bad..

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  • I didn't go back and fourth
    I grew up by my self, with the apartment under my moms name,

    She was with her bf and my dad left state to be with his gf

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  • My parents spit and my mother got custody. I was mildly entertained by their fights and I would mediate. I was comfortable just seeing my father once a week while i was living with my mother. I have cousins who went back and fourth they took it hard at first but they got used to it. They did however take sides

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  • Congratulations to you! Children are amazing and give so much love and ask for so little. If possible do try to keep the father as involved as possible and never show tension when around him and your child. It changes their perspective on the opposite sex in a negative way. Be disciplines and strong with lots of play time and lots of structure. You should do fine. I wish my mother left with my siblings and I. My parents were drunks and my father was more physically abusive than my mother and often hurt her enough to put her in the hospital. To be honest I wish my mother's mother and father's father married (both were widowed when I was a baby) and adopted me. I would have not pissed away 10 years of my life with bad women and bad drugs. Like the Beatles say "All you need is love". Cheers and congrats again.

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What Girls Said 5

  • My parents seperated when I was 18 months, and my step mum came into my life when I was about 3 I believe. So I don't really remember what it was like to have my parents together, but I found my growing up experience fine. Neither of my parents moved away from the city I was born in, so it didn't really make a difference when I spent a couple weeks at my dad's house over the holidays and such. But mum made the arrangement that I would mostly live with her and I would see my dad every second weekend, because she wanted me to have a routine, especially while I was in school. It worked fine, but I kinda wish I got to see my dad more often. My parents didn't really get along, but both agreed to be civil with each other when they broke up. I still remember them fighting quite often though when my dad dropped me off to my mum's and I hated it. As for my step mum, I love her like she was my mum, we have always gotten along :)

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  • Pink sang it best
    'I didn't wanna have to split the holidays, I didn't want two addresses, I didn't eantba stepbrother anyway and I didn't want my mum to have too change her last name.'

    It all depends on how the situation is, if both parents can at least be civil then to be honest it can be nice having two Christmases, two birthdays, and personally we left my dads side of the family in another city so I've been able to have somewhere to escape for a while when everything gets a bit much.

    All in all I got out of it pretty unaffected, I just wish my parents would be civil about eachother.. I don't think either patent should ever talk down the other parent infront of their child.
    I hope for my wedding day both parents will stay civil for me.

    Don't feel guilty or anything though, their are positives too separated parents. :)

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    • Oh, and congratulations :)

    • Show All
    • Oh gosh you're gonna get me all emotional!
      You'll make a brilliant mummy. :)

    • Sorry don't want you to cry then you'll make me cry lol I'm a very optimistic person and see the best in everyone. Her father's in the Navy and won't be able to see him very much because he will be stationed out of state as well as be deployed months at a time I just hope she can still have a great relationship with him and not grow up feeling like she doesn't know him

  • My parents split when I was 21, and even though I don't live with them it's been hell. It was messy, my dad had an affair and is still screwing my mother over financially after she didn't work because he didn't want her to their whole marriage. It's been really stressful on my sister and I, and having a good relationship with both my parents is kinda difficult.
    Even if y'all aren't together, just treat each other with respect. You may not be in a relationship, but that doesn't mean you can't both be good parents to your child.

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  • Okay, so I have a question for you? Are you and the baby's father, on talking terms? If not, here are somethings that might help you in your situation.

    Know, that this child will love you no matter what. Understand that at some point in your child's life, they are probably going to ask about their father. Be honest with that child. The only thing that really matters is realizing who was there for them the most. If the father decides to take you into a custody battle, be the strong woman and do whatever it takes, to prove that you are the better parent.

    I hope I helped.

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    • We are on talking terms. Very friendly we still go on family dates because he doesn't want to miss out on talking to the baby and feeling the kicks which is very sweet of him and I don't mind and respect that it's more of father daughter time and not a date between me and the father. We both don't want to take any time away from the other we want 50 /50 but with his navy job he knows I'll have her majority of the time and only asks to see her when he has time and I agree and want him to have whatever time he has free to see her when she does come

  • I don't have separated but I showed this question to my friend. She said it wasn't a big deal because her parents lived really close by each other. And her teacher gave her a two sets of textbooks to keep at each house

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    • With his job he is in the Navy so he'll be stationed out of state and gone months at a time. So I hate knowing that I'll have to send my baby to visit her father I know he's a wonderful man and loves her I just will worry if anything happens I can't get run to her or drive to her at a moments notice.

    • Well I guess that's up between you two and how much you trust one another

    • Yes. That's what it all comes down to

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