When your parents got divorced how did you come to terms with it?

I'm so freaking TIRED of acting like everythings okay with me in my parents' divorce. Yeah basically im just so tired of acting like Im alright and im sick of having two houses and it makes me feel like i have no family or home. I feel so alone and I need some support from someone who understands my situation.


0|0
129

Most Helpful Girl

  • My parents aren't divorced but I understand you, you remind me of me when I was 14, my parents were on the verge of divorce and I was scared to death when I heard them talking about it, especially when I knew that my dad had no where to go he can't afford a second home. I really think you should talk to someone with whom you usually feel comfortable with, you teacher a close neighbor, a cousin or even a psychologist if you have to, but remember this only a phase ! You won't stay like this forever so just be patient and calm and everything will work out just fine eventually, just go through this with the help of someone don't take the path alone.

    0|0
    0|0

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 9

  • I was twelve when my parents divorced. It hurt and affected me badly. Tell your parents how you're feeling

    0|0
    1|0
  • I was 10 years old. It was pretty tough because we (that is my mother, brother and I) moved to another country. So we could only visit our father for few days during summer and this not every year. This means my parents divorce caused a quick and huge change in my life. Many negative things happened since then, but I also must admit that many positive things happened as well to the point that Im almost glad my parents divorced. I understand very well how you feel. If there's anything else feel free to pm me.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I was too young (Age 5) when my parents got divorced. When I got older to realize that my parents were fighting each other over spending time with my sister and I, filing papers for child support and going to court a lot, it became a frustrating experience when I caught in the middle of it all. I wanted to spend equal time with them but with school and transportation issues, I just eventually grew out of it but it sure took a long time. Divorces really are not fun to go through.

    0|0
    0|0
  • My parents separated when I was 4 and officially got divorced when I was 9. I never did the whole house swapping thing because my dad had full custody of me and my sister. So my mom visited every now and then; then she eventually stopped visiting at all. My dad would recall how we thought it was our fault but I don't remember that. Overall, things weren't totally bad because I was use to my mom barely being in the picture as far as I could remember.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I made a friend like me, someone in a similar situation and we helped each other through it all. I'm now best friends with him... I think sometimes we are such close friends others question our sexuality (I assure you I'm straight)... We formed a bond because we basically saved each other, I pulled him out of depression, and he helped me get through a really stressful time in my life. Sometimes I'm still angry with my parents and blame them for whatever stress I'm going through, but then I talk to my close friends and I realize that everything's fine.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I dont really have an explanation why , but Im not very attached to my parents. Growing up they were separated twice. After the first time I realized that It didn't really affect me in any way except financially. While I was overseas (21 y. o.) they got divorced. I was very indifferent to the situation. If two people can't / won't get along then they don't need to be together. Bottom line.

    0|0
    0|0
  • its tough to accept but the only way you can "Come to terms with it" is live your life and do the things you always did before they split up

    0|0
    0|0
  • Sucky situation, but being willing to say you're not okay with it? That's good. You, at least, can stop pretending ><

    One thing I know has helped some friends is therapy. I don't know how palatable an option that is for you, or how feasible given your family dynamics, but a counselor ("therapist" or whatever) will have suggestions that can help deal with stuff. If you wanted to bring this up, it might be easier if you phrase things as "wanting someone to talk to who has experience and can give ideas on how to work through difficulties" instead of "you guys suck and I'm fucked up and need therapy."

    Good luck :(

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'm gonna be honest. I didn't like my dad for the reasons they divorced, so it was easy for me mostly.. . Just on my mum's side of the arguments.

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 11

  • My parents were never married so when they broke up I was fine with it. They broke up when I was still pretty little. And I always remembered liking them apart rather than together. Sometimes things are better that way. In my case, it was. I understand that you're feel upset about the situation. But think of it this way... Would you rather your parents stay together for you, both of them unhappy, possibly fight all the time which will cause you to be unhappy? Or would you rather them be separated, regaining their happiness and in time, when you begin to understand it, will make you happier? There's a reason they divorced... They weren't good together. You should talk to both of your parents and let them know what you are feeling, and ask to talk to a therapist that specializes in children dealing with divorce.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I was about 3 when my parents officially got divorced, so I don't remember my parents together. I have always, and still do, the switch houses crap and it sucks but you get over it after it being all you really know. You shouldn't feel alone considering you still have both of them in your life and now you have 2 homes instead of just one. Just think of it positively because this happened for a reason. I'm surprisingly happy my parents aren't together anymore because I wouldn't know my wonderful stepmom (I got lucky ^-^) and my ex-step dad and my now step dad, also I most likely wouldn't have my siblings that I love.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It sucks I know that, my parents got divorced when I was about 5 and I remember my mom going back to work things out then packing us up and leaving again, I think it would of been better if she didn't go back but anyways, nothing I can sat will make it better except maybe I know what your going through and you don't have to act like it's all ok because it's not something you have had in your life to this point is gone but as much as everyone says it it's true, it will get better. Don't bottle up your emotions though even if your alone let yourself feel mad or sad or whatever it is you feel. You need to be able to work through those feelings as the come or they will become the only thing you feel when anything bad happens.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I've been through this as well, but you can't beat yourself up about it, and don't try to hide your feelings either as they will only get worse if you do, give yourself time to let it all go, your parents love you and that will always make you all a family, just because they don't want to be married doesn't mean they don't love each other either, just take it one day at a time

    0|0
    0|0
  • My parents got divorced when I was less than 2 so I don't remember the actual process of one house becoming two but I can say this: it will get better. My dad used to be a very heavy drinking and whenever I went over there it was miserable. But then he went to rehab and he got much better and now both houses feel like home and kinda like they're almost one place. It will take some time but I promise it will get better. I'm here if you need me :)

    0|0
    0|0
  • Hey, I know how you feel. On New Years Eve 2009, I was at my grandma's house when got a sudden phone call from my dad saying that my mom and I were going to have to stay with my grandma from then on. I had no warning that my parents were getting divorced, except for that phone call. It sucks at first. It really really sucks. But, after a while, you just get used to it. Five years later, I am completely used to it, even though I don't go back and forth anymore. I never went back to living in the house I grew up in because my dad lives there and about two years after he kicked my mom and I out, he moved his girlfriend and her two kids (who are around my age) into my (now his) house. It's really hard to deal with, I know. It just takes some time and adjustment.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't know how recent your parents divorce is but it will get easier over time.. My parents divorce when I was only one which doesn't sound so bad but it was... For the first 12 years of my life I was constantly swapping houses and had to pretend I liked doing it it was worse when my mum remarried and after 10 years divorced him to.. Which made it hard as he was like a second dad so I was swapping between 3 houses.. It was then I realised I had to tell my parents how I felt.. I was closer to my mum so she was the first one I talked to once I had talked it through with her I made the decision to live in the one house with my mum and he fiancĂ© and now I feel like I always have someone to talk to and don't feel alone.. This might not be your cup of tea of decideing to live with only one parent but it worked in me that's why I'm mentioning it
    Good luck I hope you feel better soon!! Remember it gets better over time

    0|0
    0|0
  • My parents separation was especially hard on me, it came the day before my tenth birthday. I was always closer to my mum so the divorce wasn't especially hard but I remember being in my teens and thinking of how great life was, we had an awesome house after all. Something that helped me through it when times were tough was a friend I had made during class. She had a very similar situation to me and prepared me on what was going to happen. Talk to your mum/dad and tell them how you feel or if you're not comfortable with that, talk it out with a friend. Call me crazy but talking to my pets really helped me as well, because they can't judge you about it.

    Hope I helped,
    xo

    0|0
    0|0
  • admitting you aren't okay does not make you weak nor does it hurt. talking to anyone can help so much. my parents are divorced and my mom has a boyfriend and it really sucks because i don't like him at all and my dad still loves her. but i get through it because i know that they decided it was best.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I weren't a little brat.

    Seriously kids need to get their shit together! Why do you want your parents to stay together, if they are unhappy that way? Are you that selfish? Get over it, it's not like they died.

    0|0
    0|0
    • No but understand when you get married and say theough better and worst and then when your tired of that person or when things get bad leave that's being hypocrite.

    • Show All
    • We'll see if your going to be unhappy in the future then don't even get married and make a family and split it up later.

    • That's a ridiculous argument. If people should stop getting married and have children, because they might not love each other in 40 years, things would go down. You don't know how you are going to feel about anything in 30 years, and that shouldn't stop you from doing things that make you happy now. Kids just need to get the fuck over it, mommy and daddy needs to be happy too, for a family to work.
      @Heyjessie15

  • My parents are not divorced, but for some reason they spent nearly ten years living in different cities. My dad took my sister and I to live with him in the countryside and we would only visit our mother during vacations. I don't know how you could cope with your current situation, maybe trying to face it differently might help.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading... ;