Is he trying to make me his fallback girl or did he officially dump me?

About 6 months ago I hooked up with a guy I go to university with. To begin with it was a casual weekend, mostly drunk friends with benefits type of thing. As this continued we both started to have feelings for one another, which we talked about because in the beginning he wasn't looking for anything serious and neither was I, so it was a bit surprising for the both of us.

3 months ago we started to hang out sober and get to know each other properly, and it has been going great. At one point he told me that he has never been in a relationship before because he usually gets bored and turned off by girls after a while, but with me it was different, and that he could actually picture me as his girlfriend. He also started to introduce me to all of his closest friends. We have been hanging out every day. However this Saturday we were out clubbing and I got REALLY drunk, to the point where I took some of my clothes of for a second in the club. He just told me to put it back on, which I did. But his baby brother was visiting, and I know that it might have shocked him quite a bit. I am shocked myself and ashamed. Anyway, I texted him the next day and told him how sorry and embarrassed I was, but I didn't get a reply and I was worried that something was wrong. I met him at school on Monday and everything seemed to be OK.

Then later, all of a sudden he tells me that he has to talk to me about something (face to face), and he tells me that he thinks we should stop having sex for a while and try to be just friends. That the last couple of weeks have been intense, considering he isn't looking for anything serious. He specifically told me that it has nothing to do with the incident this weekend and absolutely nothing to do with our sex life because he loves to have sex with me and that we might end up having sex again and for all he knew, we might even fall in love at some point. What I am supposed to make of this?


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What Guys Said 1

  • Give some space, but have in mind (or even make a deal) to go over the subject again after some time.
    And by giving some space I do mean avoiding any unnecessary interactions.
    Even if you miss him or something focus on yourself during this time.
    So later on you both will have "clear minds" about it.

    Well... at least I've been in a similar experience, and worked for me...

    • Thanks for your reply. I was thinking the same, and I kind of let my ego get the best of me then and there. I told him that I was fine with it, and that I kind of felt the same all though that is a total lie. It is a bit complicated because we share the same group of friends, take the same classes at school, we are even in the same study group. I dont want to mess things up, but I am really hurt and I can't really talk to our friends about it, because I dont want to involve them and make the matter worse. At the same time I dont want him to think that I dont give a shit, which I am pretty sure he thinks right now due to my passive response. He started talking to me (not involving the others from our study group) about school stuff later that day, and I could tell he was trying to keep the conversation going. I dont know if he was trying to check the vibe or what he wanted. I just answered his questions and replied in a way that didn't feed the conversation, but without seeming angry

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    • Also, you can message me if you want to talk this thought or open up. (As long as you don't mind random response intervals we will be fine)

    • I only told him I was fine with it because I was really shocked by this. I mean, the entire week we had been hanging out every single day, making dinner, watching movies and hanging out with his friends. I just dont understand how he can change so drastically over night, unless its something that happened that Saturday that he has not told me. I dont remember much, so I really have no clue. But again, he told me specifically that it had nothing to do with that, so I am totally clueless. I know that he is not the most emotionally available guy, but neither am I. I am just worried he considers me his backup plan or something. The way he said the thing about "we might hook up again or even fall in love at some point" makes think he does. A girl he used to have sex with is now his best female friend, so its not impossible that he is just trying to friend zone me. I am trying to focus on his actual words and how he said them, but nothing makes sense to me. I truly dont know what he wants

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