My First Love Broke Up With Me and Now I'm Suicidal. What Do I Do?

My first love just broke up with me. He was my first everything. He had promised countless times that we would be together forever and get married. He really seemed genuine (introduced me to his family and friends).
This breakup came as such a shock and I'm still confused as to why he seemed so angry at me like it was all my fault. Admittedly, I did contribute a lot to the detriment of the relationship (I have depression), but I don't think I'm the only one to blame. I really did try. It hurts so much that someone who claimed to have loved me turned so cold so fast.
I'm having thoughts of suicide and even making preparations to hang, but I'm too scared to go through with it right now (fear of physical pain and hope that a miracle happens). Everything is sort of on pause, I guess. I don't want to tell anyone I actually know how I'm feeling because they'll just freak out and have me locked up. Can anyone relate? How do I get through this?

Updates:
Thank you so much. Your comments have really lifted my mood tonight. It's nice to not feel judged.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Sweetie, you're going to be okay!! Killing yourself will only bring tremendous pain to your entire family. Listen to me when I say that your ex is NOT WORTH DYING FOR. Your life has meaning - it has a purpose - and one day you'll be able to get past these feelings and you will feel so freaking strong and confident and amazing. You deserve to feel like that and I promise that if you just hold on for a little while longer you'll be able to make it through this. This might sound crazy, but objectively speaking, you should actually be glad that he left - it means he's not the right guy for you. Clearly he wasn't willing to stick around which should help you realize that you deserve a man WAY better than him!

    Please don't harm yourself. Your friends and family love you and one day you'll find a man who truly loves you for who you are and is patient and willing to help you through your depression. You have such a bright future ahead of you, filled with love and success and great friends and children, so please stick around and help yourself discover how strong you really are!!!

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    • I know it's extremely difficult to even consider being glad that he's gone, but one day you WILL thank your lucky stars that he walked out of your life because he was making room for someone even better to come along.

      The thing about suicide is that it usually doesn't happen like it does in the movies. One step off a chair usually doesn't cut it; you'll be conscious as you slowly suffocate and as your organs shut down. Your eyes will bulge out of your head and your family will be forced to live with that image for the rest of their lives. It sounds awful and horribly painful, and I'm sure it is. Please, please don't go through with it. Be strong. Your life matters and you are so lucky to be alive right now.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Well your life isn't yours to take sweetheart it belongs to God he is the one who created you he loves you more than anything you do have free will that he gave to you and you can make your own choices in but trust in God because he has a greater plan for your life

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  • It would be a complete waste of a perfectly good young woman! Imagine how sad your future husband would be if you are not around?

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What Girls Said 2

  • The first thing you have to do is get out the house and be around people who care about you and love you. Make an effort to spend at least 30 mins around others even if you don't want to. You can not put all of yourself in someone else it will leave you empty. You have a purpose in this world and you have to keep going to find it. Just keep talking and expressing yourself, when you feel down write, write, and write some more. Cry if you need to and get angry if you feel. it just don't let it defeat you. He is definitely not the only one who loves you.

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  • Don't go through with, don't do it. I know it's hard to get those thoughts out of your head but know that you WILL get through this. We're all fighting some sort of battle and this is yours. Don't be alone, you need to talk to someone. The more you bottle everything inside you're allowing your thoughts to control every bit of you. I was fighting depression and I had those thoughts as well. Talking is the first step. Your mom, pastor, best friend. Someone you trust. God removes people we don't need in our life, this is your time to focus on you invest all your time in yourself. Try new things, take yourself on a vacation get away for a bit. I'm sure this was not your fault. If you were happy with the wrong one, imagine how much happier you'll be when the right one comes along.

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