Why can't guys just be honest?

So I knew where this relationship was going from the beginning even if I pretended not to and after 5 months I started noticing this guy I was seeing was doing things differently, you know what I mean. I knew immediately it was another girl. So to cut a long story short I gave him an opportunity to be honest with me without confronting him and he said to me he needs time to decide about our future together. Then a girl posted something on his Facebook thanking him for an amazing evening. I snapped. I commented. He phoned. He got angry, I started crying and long story short, he broke up with me over this comment instead of working things out, which is what serious couples would do, you know replace the lightbulb, not the house? He sent me a nice email and again I gave him a chance to be honest and again he wasn't. Its kind of obvious because she is posting romantic things which he is liking and vice versa, they went to school together so they have a history already, his profile pics have changed, he was up until late on Whatsapp every night when he never even did that with me! And then this post from her.

I called him a coward and again he has not been up front, instead completely blocking me on everything and saying that he doesn't even want to be friends so that when he eventually does find someone he doesn't want to hurt me. What happens if I found someone first? Just gave yourself away! He knows its going to happen any day now so he didn't want me to see it so soon.

From the beginning we promised each other we would be honest no matter how much it could hurt. This is not the first occasion a guy has done this, why is it so difficult for a guy just to be honest? It actually hurts me more knowing he is lying to me and thinking I'm that stupid, than what it would if he was just honest!

I'm not at an age where I can play games and I feel like time was wasted. So I just want to know why and how can I prevent it from happening again?

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  • Frankly, if guys would be honest 100% of a time, women would detest us.

    At this point what did you expect to hear? "Honey, you're all nice and stuff and I totally like you, but I just got tired of the same pussy every day, but at the same time I don't want you to try another cock"?

    I'm not saying that what he did is good, it is not okay to cheat. Why he continued to lie? As Goebbels said (damn, I cannot believe I actually quote him) "If you repeat a lie often enough, it becomes the truth". Pretty much that was his strategy, but it didn't work with you.

    On a side note: don't expect men to be totally honest all the time. Just trust my word, if we would be honest all the time (even when we approach you), you would hate us.

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    • Thank you. The thing is he was pretty honest about a lot of things from the beginning, and I think that's why it hurts so much because if he can be straight forward with a lot of the things he told me, then he could've been honest about this.

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    • In short: generally it's a bad idea to wait to have sex. I mean, you're 31, you're probably not a virgin for years now. Don't you like sex?

      I'm not saying to jump into on a first date, but in general mature men (not some college students) usually expect something more private on a third date. When I was 18-20, I would wait for 2-3 months. Now I wouldn't wait for more than 2-3 weeks. I mean we're both adults and puberty-bullshit free, we both love sex and you already managed to get an idea what kind of person I am. If you keep dating me it surely means you like me, so what's the point in waiting? My boner won't get harder as I age, you know.

      Sorry to say this, but yeah, you should've known better.

    • Well I said we had done things already and he wanted to wait, he didn't want to give away everything in one go. I was ready, I truly was and he knew it and he couldn't come over due to a fall he had when I told him lets see how it goes. Its not like he didn't try but there was no real effort after that as "work was busy" and then another girl came in. And he was the one who said no sex the first date as it puts him off. We didn't. So I was following his lead.

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What Guys Said 10

  • Well all I can tell U is U need to find A Mature guy that has already grown up & no longer plays games with girls feelings !! That fella needs to grow up & find his self before he will ever be able to enter into A stable relashionship !!!

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  • We're not all like this. Unfortunately I think you've been unlucky with guys so far. I know it hurts, but think that it's better that those things happen now than later, at least you're able to see that those guys aren't the right ones for you. I'm sure that soon you'll find one who will be honest with you.

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  • That sucks. He's a heel. Some people lie because they cannot face themselves. Then you get caught up in it. It's not just guys. Girls too. How can you prevent it? You can't. There will always be risk. Move on ant find a guy who has other priorities.
    Good luck.

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  • "So I knew where this relationship was going from the beginning even if I pretended not to and after 5 months I started noticing this guy I was seeing was doing things differently, you know what I mean."

    But if you knew... Aren't you wasting your own time?

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    • Like I said, I want to know why they just can't be honest, regardless of whether I knew I was wasting my time or not.

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    • I know I'm guilty for hanging around but is it wrong for me to give someone a chance? I have gotten rid of a guy before and then years later I wondered if it could've worked out if I had just given him the chance. I might have sharp intuition but I'm not experienced with guys, that's why I'm on here. For help. So much for that. I just need to make sense of it all to make it easier to get over him as he just refuses to be straight with me. I know its him and not me, but I just need to know from a guys perspective especially a guy that has done the same. Obviously that's too much to ask!

    • "I know I'm guilty for hanging around but is it wrong for me to give someone a chance?"

      Yes.

      "Obviously that's too much to ask!"

      Look, I can try and help you stop hurting yourself by ruminating (which I figured, and I knew, but hey let's let you admit to your own problems right?) and being able to press on, yes you will run into "bad people" but no it's not the end of the world and your small number of partners are not evidence of anything other than human nature. The question is really where you stand because only you can control you and that's it. Insight into why people do X or Y doesn't help you, it doesn't make your ovaries any more fertile, it doesn't fix your relationship issues you will come across, and it in general does not even make you more aware or less susceptible to these kinds of attacks.

      Focus on what matters. Your life gets better. Focus on this petty shit? You get a bunch of "NOT ALL MEN!" answers.

  • don't generalize please... not every guy is dishonest.

    personally i'm honest always... ain't nothing to hide

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  • Why can't you just stop generalizing? Just don't hang out with the wrong kind of people.

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    • How when I attract them from all facets in life? This latest guy was from online dating which I said I would never do but tried it anyway because I get the same problem in real life. I'm sorry I'm generalising but I am yet to meet a man who hasn't done this to me or a friend.

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    • Wow, I am really sorry I can't help there and I am also sorry for you always getting the jerks.
      I guess, life can be harsh.

  • Its upto an individual and not the matter for being Guy or a Girl...

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    • No, its happened to me more times than I can count. Really. I just want to know why a guy just can't tell me sorry, but I met someone else, instead of you deserve to be happy. I don't do it. Neither do my friends so its a guy thing.

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    • Thank you, I appreciate it

    • No Problem they say that if you share your happiness it will multiply and if you share your sorrow it will be divided... So I guess this works well in life...

  • Hey were not all liars and cheaters

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  • You aren't married or engaged, he can see other women. Clearly you can't handle the reality of dating, which is probably one of the reasons he dumped you. Cry it out, then move on.

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    • Nice, so you think its ok if you are seeing someone and YOU said to her that you are in a relationship then cheat on her and its ok because we are not married or engaged? Clearly you don't understand relationships.

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    • Um yeah, he said we are in an exclusive relationship. Not me. He was the one.

    • That's life for you.

  • Lots of guys keep multiple girls around to casually date and see which ones they like most. Girls can't seem to grasp this concept.

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    • Well its because we value relationships. Which is a concept guys can't seem to grasp. Why must I accept that but you can't accept mine. Sorry, it works both ways

    • You can casually date multiple people. There's no law against it.

    • Well I can't.

What Girls Said 2

  • This whole Facebook saga is a really dampen mofo to go through. It's so stressful reading your details. I had to stop when i skimmed and saw Facebook somewhere in text. I give up.

    1) Find a nice guy that doesn't use Facebook or other social media, have goals, having a life, and enjoy the simple things in life

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    • Thanks, but I actually have found a guy who didn't have Facebook and the same thing happened. I don't know, maybe I'm just attracting the jerks who string me along and drop me when another girl comes along? I'm the fish you throw back and you don't keep. And I've only ever been with one guy sexually ever!

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    • Yeah not my strong suit at all. I only flirt once I'm comfortable but sometimes when I'm being friendly people mistook it for flirting but I was just being friendly. Horrible. Yes I have made it through my life not knowing how to flirt and damn do I blush!

    • You don't sound like you're comfortable in your own skin yet :) It is just a matter of gaining confidence in time.

  • Hi. Sorry to hear about this- But just curious, you said you knew where the relationship was going from the beginning. How did you know that? Did he tell you he wasn't interested in a relationship? What tipped you off to that? Im asking so I dont fall into the same predicamant :)

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    • Well I've been in the same boat before. I know that when a guy is into you, he will make an effort to see you, no excuses. For three months that's all I had from him, excuses. So in November already I wanted to give him the boot but my friends were like no, give him a chance. So I did, we met and we got intimate, not all the way but hey we had really connected both in person and online so it was nice. He made an effort to speak to me and stuff and he did try to get together again but then the excuses started when he went back to work after the Christmas break. Then he was too busy to talk and then bam, another girl entered into the picture. So I was right in the beginning. He wasn't making me a priority, he was actually priming me to be a booty call. I hope you don't fall into the same predicament. Don't ever think a guy is different, because even though I knew this I still thought, but he is different! Nope. If a guy likes you, he will pursue you. I hope that helps.

    • By the way, from the beginning he was the one talking about a long term relationship etc. He was optimistic about us and stuff and then excuses. His most recent excuse was he couldn't afford to even drive to his mom nevermind me, yet this girl lives even further away than I or his mother does. So there. I have always said it, I have always believed it yet I fell for it again. If your intuition tells you there is something wrong, chances are there is something wrong. Always believe your gut. 99.9% of the time its right. Mine always is.

    • hey thanks for replying! Sounds like this guy might be a player and one who likes stringing girls along and playing games. I agree with you if your gut instinct tells you something then go with it. He was a loser, you deserve better, Im sure you know it. ANd Im sure he will do the same with the next girl he dates. ANd wow is this guy your age? Thats really pathetic to be doing that at his age.. Chalk it up to lesson learned and next time you and I know what to look for. :)

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