Iknow ineed to throw the towel in, but... Can I change my role?

So me and my ex have had a serious relationship before. Twice actually. The first time she left me, then ileft her. We've both made amends (few months back) over the reasons why. But after ileft her , she got back with another ex ayupnd i got put on the back burner. Now, she only hits me up when they're having it rough. Like, I'm clearly the backup plan. Last time she hit up, we started hanging out again, talked some things out, and almost got back together. then 180°, and she just wants to be with him. The recently, she hits me up, adds more back on social media, then when iask her to go eat, she "doesn't wanna lead me on" and poof! Gone again.

I've been in the game awhile, iknow that means role of fall back. Sad as it is, i still love her and keep getting myself in trouble. I've got other girls (I'm young and single, don't jump my case please) to hang with and talk to, but guess true love doesn't die? I don't know, can't seem to get her outta my head. She was my best friend and lover after all... But I'm in a bad cycle. This has gotta stop. Ineed to get out soon. Tough addiction to break tho, huh? But, before i go... Can iwork/earn/manipulate (however it works) my way into being most desirable to her again?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Never be anyone's second choice. Have a little more respect for yourself. You can't make her love/want you, and trying to do so will probably have the opposite effect. You know you need to stop, so stop. It really is that simple even though it feels impossible. Addiction is the perfect way to describe it, but you just have to go cold turkey. If she wanted you to be her #1 guy, you would be, but you're not. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but sometimes we need to tell ourselves the hard truth. You'll find someone who treats you better. Never give priority to someone who treats you like an option.

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    • Thank you so much. @mansinmancy

Most Helpful Guy

  • Okay bro I feel you man, why did she leave you in the beginning? Then why did you leave Her the second time?

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    • She still didn't know why she left me the first time. She claimed it was money and adventure, but then later she said she still really didn't know why.

      Ileft her because iwas really depressed (terrible slave driving job iwas only working to pay college debt) and a lot going on at the house. Iwas in a bad way. Ifigured we needed time apart.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Manipulate her to want you again? Seriously? Just friggin stop.

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    • Yehh, iunintentionally did last time. Iset up shop, New job, New super hot girlfriend. We went from taking again, to She comes running back full speed. Ididn't mean to, but jealousy helped that happen. That's manipulating ab emotion, even if it wasn't all for her. I was just bettering myself. It worked tho.

    • Be unavailable

  • You make the same mistake many people make: you are still available to her. She can only keep you on the back burner because you let her. When she decides to be in touch, you respond. When she doesn't want to be in touch, she simply isn't and doesn't care. She knows exactly that she can continue this sort of behaviour and that you'll just be there whenever she wants you to be there.

    You should delete her from social media again (if you haven't yet) and when she contacts you you either ignore her completely or take your time to get back to her. Don't respond right away. Don't be her puppy that is just waiting for her to give you some attention. I want to make it clear that all these suggestions are for your own sanity and for you to move on. Of course, there could be the side effect of her realising that she wants to work on your relationship, but that would just be an added bonus and shouldn't be your main motivation for removing her from your life and eventually from your head and heart.

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