I hit my cheating, manipulative ex... am I just as bad as him now?

My ex broke up with me about 6 months ago. He cheated on me, he deceived me and he basically acted like a really shit person.
We stupidly were getting closer again, but I had some reservations. I was so confused so I looked through his phone one night when he was asleep, and found some awful things which I wish I had never seen, including a lot of naked photos of the girl he cheated on me with. I found out he is still sleeping with her even though he had told me a while ago he had stopped.
After seeing this I was so angry and upset that I ended up waking him up and pretty much attacking him. I kneed him in the balls and punched him multiple times.

He was really angry about me hitting him, which is understandable. I don't think it was ok and I wouldn't do it again. He basically kicked me out in the middle of the night and we both said we didn't want to talk to each other any more and we haven't since.

I feel so disappointed with myself because before I did that I was the bigger person, I hadn't done anything wrong and he knew that. Now I feel like he's just as mad at me as I am at him, and he probably thinks I deserved everything he did to me. I don't think what I did was ok... but it was not nearly as bad as how he treated me.

If you treated someone like absolute crap and they eventually snapped one day, what would you think? I hate the idea that he might think his actions were reasonable because I'm 'obviously crazy'. I hate that he might just be like 'oh well she was a crazy bitch, good thing I got rid of her'.


Most Helpful Guy

  • What you did was okay, he emotionally attacked you, betrayed your trust and then tried to repeat it all, snapping under those circumstances is only human


Most Helpful Girl

  • You're both wrong. Just don't be around people who bring out the worst in you. I say this without spite, as I slapped a boyfriend once when he wouldn't stop fighting with other men every time we'd go out. Once, we'd had 3-4 discussions in the past on how his behavior was ridiculous, I slapped him when he tried to start a fight back up after it was finished.

    I felt horrible, like you, and there's no excuse... The ultimate lesson I learned was not to try to be with someone who brings out the worst in you with their horrible behavior.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Yes, being violent makes you just as bad. Would you be okay with a if he did that to you, if the roles were switched?

  • Yeah I don't really blame you on that one.


What Girls Said 1

  • <333 I was in a violent relationship for 2 years, I broke his glasses twice (self-defense; I was trying to distract him so I could get away - if I had only flung the glasses off his face, he would be able to put them on before I could get out the door; they had to be broken), and I threw a weight at his head (less defensible, admittedly but I purposely missed, more like a Warning Shot) and I ask myself this question a lot. 'Am I as bad as him?'

    The answer is: honestly, no. They pushed us to the end of our tether, they made us crack; what the fuck were we supposed to do? Your ex is an evil piece of shit & you're MUCH better off without. I'm so sorry, you are brave and strong and if you need help getting through this, I'm here. <33

    (By the way, honestly, I'm proud of you for doing what you did. I'll probably get downvoted 4 that, but I don't give a shit what anyone who isn't a survivor thinks about revenge against abusers).

    • What about her kicking his balls though? My 1st instinct was "YES!" mainly cuz guys have told me that it's humiliating (& of course painful as hell), but then I though that's too harsh.

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