What would you do if you found your fiance of 6 years messing around behind your back?

4 weeks ago everyting seemed fine and happy.

3 weeks ago I noticed a video chat app installed on our shared phone and a single guy on there with a list of multiple (at least 15) past call type things. And his phone number. I curiously typed in the number and his number was listed as her cousin (the ousin is a girl)
She told me he was just a friend, but wouldn't explain why she hid his number like that.

5 days ago, I noticed a flight booked at a cost of $1000 and she told me she was going to take the boys to see her mom in the nursing home she is in, and check out a few places where we had planned to move.

4 days ago she was napping and a text came to our (shared and only) cell phone from the previously mentioned guy. Overcome by curiosity, I text back.
Him: "Hey my love"
Me: "Hey"
Him: "One more day"
Me: "I can't wait. Whats the first thing you wanna do?"
Him: "U"

I woke her up to inquire and she went ballistic. I took our kiddos out of the house since she was going to be getting him from the airport that night. His flight got pushed back and she calls me like nothing is wrong.
2 days ago: SHe picks him up and I had told her that I did not want them in our apartment. I stopped by to check and grab a toy for my kiddo and heard them inside. I called and pretended that I was going to be grabbing something and she said they were at a hotel and she was home. I told her I was pulling in and she quickly asked me to wait because they were there.

She spent the next two days with them, not talking to anyone, acting extremely flaky and then ended up driving them 650 miles to their hometown.

$1800, 4 days, and 3 nights, 2 guys later...
She's on her way home now. I'm devastated and hurt by the lies, was unaware of any issues between us, and now have to deal with near divorce like problems. How would you handle it? Try and make it work if she wanted to, or throw away 6 years that tested your resolve at times but were overall very good. Could I ever trust her again?
  • She's a liar, beyond repair, cut your losses
    Vote A
  • Give it a shot, if she wants to.
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Girl

  • If it happened to me I would leave him because if someone truly loves you they would not cheat on you, obviously she is not taking your marriage serious. Once trust has been broken it is hard to get back. I know it hurts knowing what you had with her but if she cared enough she would not have cheated period!

    • Technically, we aren't married but I fully get that point. But we have also been through a lot of challenging things from our only vehicle rolling over with all of us inside, being homeless, and dealing with family on her side with predisposition to end up with Huntingston's Disease (which she may have as well as our kids) I have to admit that we've been one another's rock for so long, being off balance without the other is a scary thought

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What Girls Said 7

  • Im young but no matter who i have dated i made sure that if they were going to cheat and no longer cared about me that they walked the heck away before any got hurt emotionaly but if she's shagging other guys instead of you and lieng then you better take your kids and leave becuase she must have ignored the fact that the poor kids wouldn't know what to call the guy who she's suddenly started kissing... but thats my view its your choice

    • The kids were never there when she was with these guys, I had removed them to where they were insulated. Had a great sleepover at their cousin's. I also can't be sure they had sex, but I find it hard to believe, even though she had just started her period. I've got a few major confirmed lies about a lot of super sketchy situations. Thanks for your thoughts!

  • I would drop him so fast... It would hurt like hell to leave the man I love, but if he ever did that to me, I'd disappear. I'd block his every attempt to communicate with me and ignore him should he ever be in my presence. I'd be dying on the inside, but I would make him feel like he's dead to me.

  • We would not ever get married and his ass would get kicked to the curb it that happened to me.

    • There is an enormous part of me that has that exact thought, but the part of me that remembers how happy we had been and all the crap we've made it through isn't as convicted to the logic of it. 6 years definitely helped set some deep hooks I guess. Or I'm an emotional wimp, either way lol

    • It's easy to think about the time that we have invested amongst other reasons why we would not want to throw it all away but clearly when something like this happens its not you who is throwing it away its the person who has done wrong. A lot of times we invest so much and we can't get that back so we dwell on it but it does not mean anything to her or she would not have cheated and she would not be investing her time and everything else that she should be sharing with you with another man.

    • Creole_Flavor, that addition was pretty much on point, and one thing that I had overlooked.

  • Hmmm, this is a TOUGH one. Once upon a time and in certain situations I felt things are pretty black and white. However, with kids, marriages, matters of the heart there is SO much Greg. Do you want to work it out with her? Does she want to work it out with you? It sounds like you two have a great deal of history. And it's quite possible there was a major kink in the communication department that went unnoticed for a while. If you feel you want to work it out, I suggest counseling. And if she doesn't join you, maybe for yourself so that you can gain some clarity about what direction you want to go in. I'm sorry you're going through this. As hard as it is stay strong and focused, especially for the kiddos.

  • you must be in pain. Wow, stay strong.

    • It sucks, more than anything it bothers me how she went about it. I'm 90% sure she intended to fly them up on this past Friday and get them a hotel while I was working, then on Saturday get a uhaul and pack up then run with them and the kids while I was back at work. I dodged a big bullet with that.

  • What goes around comes around.

    • I thought the same thing when she called me on her way back asking for directions, and I got to inform her that I don't know where she is (in more ways than one) and that she has to find her own way

  • she's lying. You should leave


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