Interracial Relationship Break Up Advice?

I don’t know what else to do to get over my break-up from November. It’s been so long. I just think I should be over it by now. I've never felt heartbroken this long before. Background: I've live in Korea for 2 years. I dated a great guy he was 28 and I was 25 at the time. We had a nearly perfect relationship. I've been in long-term relationships before but none of them felt right like this one. I really thought he was a guy I could possibly marry in the future even though we were only dating such a short time. It was just a natural click if you will. Just a one of those rare good matches.

However, everything was forced to end when his parents found out I was a white American. He’s Korean and a 2nd son, so not a 1st born but they still didn't want him dating me. Mind you I have never met them. They just don’t like me because I’m white and that's the reason they gave him. They threatened to disown him if he didn't break up with me. Eventually they pressured him with screaming phone calls so much he gave in and told me he couldn't continue dating me. Said I was important but that his parents had to be more important. He decided he’ll have to date someone his parents choose for him like they did with his brother.

It’s been months. I've tried dating other guys but nothing is working. I don't feel anything. I've accepted that it’s over and there’s nothing I can do to change it, but I still feel miserable. I miss him all the time without even wanting to. It also doesn't help that he chose to go completely cold on me after our breakup. Polar opposite of how he normally is. We still talk from time to time as friends, but nothing like we were. I just feel awful still. I've tried keeping busy, but its just not going away.

Any advice on how to stop what feels like this massive weight on my chest?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm very sorry you have to go through this. However, I think you are being too hard on yourself. You say that it's been so long, but it's only been two to three months so it's entirely normal that it still hurts.

    I, and many others, have been where you are now, and there's not much you can do unfortunately. It takes time. You say you already try to keep busy and that's the best thing you can do for now. Maybe it would be good if you tried to avoid him for a while, especially since you say he's gone cold on you. It must be painful to experience that and I'd not be surprised if seeing him reopened the wound a little each time.

    You will be able to like other guys again, but it's too early for you. That's not to say that you should stay away from other guys, but you also shouldn't think that you will never ever feel something for another guy only because right now your heart and head aren't ready.

    I'm sorry that there isn't a way to accelerate this whole thing. I'm afraid you'll just have to wait it out. I want to stress once again that it's not abnormal to feel the way you do after such a short time, especially when things ended not because you or he wanted them to end, but because of something/someone that wasn't within your control.

    Good luck, you'll get there, I promise :)


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What Guys Said 1

  • Sorry to hear you're going through this but I'll tell you one thing... life might have you thrown in dirt right now but your life continues. You can't go any lower so get up and dust yourself off. Yes you might feel a sense of missing him by your side and reminisce the moments you two had but by the sounds of it the parents were never going to approve of you. There would of been nothing but pain and tears between you two and it never would of ended because it was going to be coming from his own family which is a permanent bond. The best choice you two could have made is let things go. If both of you truly loved each other, each others individual happiness will bring joy into your own life. It might not feel like it now but eventually you'll look back and smile and be glad you did.


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