Would you date a guy who has issues with controlling others and putting other women down?

i made the mistake of dating this appliance installer trades guy thinking he was ok. i was ready not to judge his age, looks and other traits.
he told me he dumped a girl for being drunk, his family has a criminal in it, he used a girl for sex who had a kid, he also put her down and said she was 'white trash', he has his ex gf's on Facebook but told me to drop my ex bf's. so after he gets what he wants, he acts like a jerk and puts women down. he also laughed that my family is less fortunate than his is. he also said he went out with a girl 10 years younger and that she 'used' him for money (yeah right), and he dissed an Asian girl he was with as well.. why is it when you are with a jerk, you sometimes don't see this?
this is an arab guy and he's getting older every day, starting to lose his hair, starting to talk like a woman, slept around quite a bit and not ashamed of it. he's still not married or has a house, rents, was too cheap to even go buy a proper present for Christmas, except a stupid bottle of perfume he probably regifted to me, he apparently 'tested' me to see if i could clean and bake.
so many red flags. why was i so blind to his 'i have plans for us in the future?' i dumped him but it shouldn't have started in the first place.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • An abuser can be of any cultural background. I'm Arab too and I wouldn't think it a good idea to date any abuser, of any cultural or national background.

    He sounds pathetic, unfortunately for him, and a moocher, possibly psychopath, and definitely a manipulator. It's great you saw him for who he really is despite his promises and broke up with him. Just stay out of it as much as possible so you're not sucked into some BS of his. Stay out of his sight to be out of his mind so you can have a peaceful, drama-free life. Sometimes we need to come across a dirty, bitter psychopath to appreciate the pure honest ones when they come along. Something like that helps us to learn how to trust our gut and read the early signs to act accordingly and stay away. Better to go through a relatively harmless experience with one sooner than later and have that wisdom under our belt. Just be grateful you had it better than other people in similar situations.

    The lesson is, if when you see someone you get an instinct or internal reaction that's telling you this person is repelling you, don't try to rationalize it as ", oh, he's unappealing, ugly and offensive, but I'm going to be 'open minded' and give him a chance anyway because I don't want to be 'judgemental'." No! Your instinct of backing off is your heart telling you to stay away! Take that first instinct reaction as cue to run the other way.

    Always see how your heart, mind, and body agree. If they don't. Be cautious.

    I think though, right now, you are being too hard on yourself. You've made a mistake. That's ok. But you're beating yourself up about that mistake. Forgive yourself, please, and also forgive him. Believe it or not, he was doing his best, and he has problems to overcome and lessons to learn, he has more fear than love in his heart.

    you don't need to scold yourself anymore. I think you should be proud of yourself and pat yourself on the back for having the wisdom, self respect, and courage to walk out of that relationship as soon as you could. so Bravo!

    hugs :)

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