I don't know how to be in a relationship since my divorce. How do I deal with this?

I've been single almost 3 years. I just never got the feeling of wanting to be in a relationship again.

Now I find myself in one and I feel like I don't know how to be. I don't know how to incorporate him in my life and I feel set in my ways. Needing my freedome, independence and alone time. Yet I have a blast when I'm with him and he treats me amazing... And... We are really perfect for eachother. I am so guarded but can say that.

I don't know how to change my ways. It's a new relationship, though. Only been a couple weeks. I get overwhelmed a LOT because he wants to see me all the time. I have communicated all of this to him. And the fact we can have these conversations is wonderful..

Nothing with him is anything I never wanted in my marriage. He is actually everything I've ever wanted in a partner. So why is this so hard? Because I'm really THAT set in my ways? I didn't go looking for this. He pursued me. It happened. And I feel like I don't know how to enjoy this amazing thing.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • In your case, considering your divorce and the freedom and self-reliance you've become accustom to in singledom, your difficulties to adjust to an unexpected, fast paced transition into a newly, unexpectedly formed relationship is to be expected.

    With that being said, a relationship of any kind will unlikely completely change your individual needs, interests, or boundaries outside of a relationship in an instant. You need time to adjust.

    My advice: be exceptionally honest about your need to slow the pace of the relationship down until you are in a place emotionally to fulfil his needs and wants, or, at least, compromise.

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    • Yes exactly! I haven told him where im coming from... He seems to be leaving it in my hands and it kills me because I can tell he wants to see me so much more just by what he's saying. I pushed myself and will have him by tonight which I think is reasonable. But still, I am so caught in my routine. I would rather relax before another workday. Especially since it's a new relationship we aren't going to sit there in silence and it requires my energy and attention the most right now. I'm worried I will never change. I've been like him.

Most Helpful Girl

  • My husband left us a year ago when we had our last kid because he has always been afraid of having kids (so embarrassing). I was in a dark world, things did not go as we have planned when we exchanging our marriage vows, he hates kids and never plays with them even on their birthdays; he always wants to have me alone for reasons best known to him. I tried teaching him ways to love kids but he constantly keeps his distance away from them which made them to think that he is not their father.
    He finally left us to an unknown destination when he couldn’t bear with the pressure around him. I suffered and convinced them that their father will change to a better man and come back. This made me stand by my word because I don’t want to be a lying Mother, so I had to find ways to bring back my Boo as a changed man until I overheard a woman in a mall talking to her friend about a Spell Doctor called Dr. Osaz who help her sister get back her husband; so I quickly asked her if she can help me with the doctor’s contact if he can help me. Thanks to her and Dr. Osaz who changed my husband and brought him back to us as I promised our kids. He now loves them and plays with them. Dr. Osaz him a lovely Father and Husband. I am so happy that I finally fulfilled the promise I made to my kids. Contact Doctor Osaz if you are suffered relationship humiliation via: spirituallove @ hotmail . com

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What Guys Said 1

  • Still hung up on the divorce and in a relationship. You are in a "too good to be true" mode. I suggest you find a way to bring that down. easiest way is to just relax and let him steer the ship... in time, you will adjust to the flow of things...

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    • I'm not hung up on the divorce at all. That has long since been healed from

    • Show All
    • Oh that definitely, not just the divorce but what went on in the marriage as well

    • yea, its easy to see why. it takes a while to sink in that things are going smoothly after things went horribly wrong, its natural to be skeptical whether consciously or subconsciously.. thats why i said, stop thinking, relax and let him handle things, you will come back to the surface soon enough.

What Girls Said 1

  • Just do everything you did last time. Congrats by the way! But when I was bf/gf with David (I know I'm 13) we just hung out and had a good time. Don't overthink things and you'll be ok :)

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    • do everything she did last time? you did see the turn out right?

    • Yeah I know, but what do I say other than that? Most likely the problem was with him not her, right? So, tadda.

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