We have been married nearly a year now. When we were dating, things were great. She showed interest in me, told me she loved me all the time, sent me messages telling me how much she loved me and missed me. On our wedding day, she chose to spend that night apart from me, with her friends instead of with me, and it's all been down hill from there. She shows me zero affection and there's zero intimacy - emotional or physical. She's glued to Facebook and her phone from the moment she wakes up until she goes to bed at night. She never wants to do anything with me other than watch tv, we never go out. If I don't say it first, she never tells me she loves me When I try to kiss her she kisses me with her lips pursed, like you would when you kiss a relative on the cheek. I bend over backwards trying to make her happy - I clean, cook, do the laundry, go grocery shopping, make her lunch for work, make her coffee when she wakes up, rub her back and feet for hours when she gets home from work, tell her constantly how beautiful she is, how much in love with her I am, and I get nothing back. I talked to her sister about her, told her about all the messages she sent me in the beginning telling me how she loves to cuddle, kiss, spend time together, etc, and her sister laughed then told me that was the fake "Amy" (fake name) she wanted me to believe she was, and now I was seeing the real "Amy", the mask has fallen off and now I am seeing the true person I married. Her entire family has all told me she is the problem, not me - her own adult daughter even told her to stop being a bitch, that she was ruining the best thing that's ever happened to her! When I try to talk to her about how I feel she gets very angry and tells me I'm just like the other men she's been with, that she's never been good enough, and the conversation goes no where. I am very much in love with this woman and would do anything for her, and divorce is not an option. How do I fix this?
Most Helpful Girl
For how long did you date this woman before you married her? I find it very weird that someone would put on such a show and then change completely on the day of the wedding. I also find it very weird that her entire family doesn't speak nicely of her and confirms she put on an act before marriage.
You say you are very much in love with this woman but in truth, it doesn't look like you can stand who she has become, or rather, who she has been all along but managed to hide before she got the ring on her finger.
I honestly don't know what can be done. If she's so calculative that she indeed put on an act to get you to marry her, then there's not much hope to appeal to her senses and to ask her to work (with you) on the marriage. You say you try to talk to her and she reacts with anger, so that's not an option either.
After a year, she most likely isn't going to change again and return to what she was before marriage, especially since her sister confirms that it was all fake. If I were you, I'd probably consider leaving her. I know it's easier said than done, but you clearly aren't happy and hoped to marry a person that was never her, a person that was never real. The only thing (aside from separation) that I can think of is that you give her the cold shoulder a bit. Stop going out of your way to please her if she isn't giving you what you need. That means no massages, no coffees, no compliments. Show her a little what it's like to be treated the way she treats you.1
Most Helpful Guy
"I am very much in love with this woman "
no you're not. You're in love with the mask, the performance, the character, the woman who never existed.
Run forest. Run like fuck and don't look back.1