How do you trust again after a really bad breakup?

I've been single now for 3 months, and honestly I don't think I want to date anytime soon. My last relationship was off/on for 2 years and it was really toxic, I didn't trust him because of a lot of things he did and he was emotionally distant. Well after the breakup I find out he started bashing me on social networks! Saying cruel untrue things like I'm a psycho, phony and he even said I abused him? Since then I've been off all social networks because even his online friends were bashing me and he's managed to convince a lot of people I'm a narcissistic phony person. This has really not made me want to date again at all, I feel like I can't trust again. Why would a grown man who's almost 40 do this? Why would he say these things if I left him alone after the breakup?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • "Trust is not about how much you trust one person or another to do right or wrong. How much you trust another person is a function of how much you trust yourself to be strong enough to deal with their imperfections." Have enough faith in yourself to be able to put yourself on the line with someone, without any guarantee of what will happen next. If you're playing the game with sweaty palms, it's because you're afraid of what you can or can't do, or dealing with your own imperfections — it's not about the other person.

    Know that you will get hurt if you're in a relationship. There is no perfect person without flaws. Even a well-intended guy is going to hurt his partner. He's going to hurt your feelings. He's going to say things that you don't want him to say. He's going to do things you wish he wouldn't do and not do things you wish he would do. A relationship is an imperfect union between two willing spirits who say, ''I'd rather be in a relationship and share my life, share my joys, share my fun, share my activities, share my life than do it alone." If you want to be in a relationship, know that getting hurt comes with the territory. You just have to decide that you are durable enough, that you have enough confidence in yourself that you can handle it.

    Don't invest more than you can afford to lose. While it's important to move forward, you need to take things one step at a time. Don't put so much out there that you'll be emotionally bankrupt if things go south.

    Don't beat yourself up. You got through your last experience, you've learned from it, and now it's time to move forward You'll move on and be a champion in your next endeavor as you did in your past... Life is not a success-only journey. You are going to get beat up along the way."

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    • forgiveness is what you do for yourself, not for other people. When you forgive, it doesn't mean that you approve of what's happened. Rather, it means that you're giving yourself permission to move on with your life.

      Forgiveness is a choice. Don't wait for it to just wash over you all of a sudden. You have to choose it.

      Don't give your power away. The pain of what happened is inevitable, but continuing to suffer is optional. The only person you can control is you. By constantly reliving the pain of what happened, you are giving your power away to the person who wronged you.

      Don't cling to negative feelings. Anger is nothing more than an outward sign of hurt, fear, guilt, grief or frustration. While the pain may never completely disappear, forgiveness can help you release the anger and bring those in your life closer to you.

      There is no right timeline for recovery. For some people, making peace happens suddenly and spontaneously. For others, it takes time and effort. You may hav

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    • Thank you, it was very helpful and great advice :)

    • no problem good luck.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Relationships can be scarring, and we often think we won't date again or that we aren't open to, but I would just say go at your own pace. Toxic relationships even though they're over doesn't not change how you feel inside, also keep in mind what others do to you does not reflect the person that you are. Clearly he's immature and you're way better without him, if he needs social media to vent out his feelings about other people then he's a shit person. I don't think everyone needs to know your business, its clear he's hurt and isn't dealing it with the right way. As hard as it is to not let it bother you, you can't show him any attention because thats what he's after, you know who you are and if people know who you are they won't believe him. Just remember not everyone is like him, you deserve happiness.

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What Guys Said 1

  • bitterness it sounds like but you just shrug him off and pick up and walk on the less you fear and show fear the more you can regain and quicker

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What Girls Said 1

  • Sounds like he is bitter over the break up and it's turning into anger, and he probably has feelings for you still and you leaving him alone probably angers him so the only way he can get to you is by saying mean things about you.

    Some men never grow up they act like jerks and treat women like shit, but at least you got away from him, but don't let this one man discourage you from trusting another man again because there are still good guys out there that know how to treat a women.

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