Looking for people's thoughts on this?

I'm getting to the end of my tether with my partner and there's a crossroads approaching.

I've been with her for 15 years and at times she drives me mad. I got together with her for the wrong reasons. I was emotionally exhausted due to hings that were going on in my life. When we met aspects of her life were falling apart and although I had my own struggles I felt for her but there was no magic, no sparkle for me. I was in so much turmoil I could be a dickhead and a nice guy to her in equal measures. The dickhead part was perhaps a little deliberate to try to make her slow down. It seemed to just make her more keen. If I had been thinking straight I'd just have ended it quickly but I felt bad for her.

Between one thing and another I foind myself in a position where if I rejected her she'd be in a lot of trouble, facing bankruptcy, homelessness, etc. Eight months after we met she was moving in with me and I just felt like I was watching all this happen.

Since then I'm in constant debt. She spends all her time shopping for items that she never uses and that just litter our home.

She is constantly negative and complains all the time. The simplest thing can turn into a nightmare as she finds problems in every situation. Every solution I suggest becomes a new problem to the extent that everything grinds to a halt and nothing gets done ever. Then she blames me for not getting things done.

Going out for a drink with her is perilous as one wrong word results in rants in which I lose all sense of time and silently pray for death.

I don't mention anything to her any more. I keep conversation neutral. I also suppress a lot of my personality because any attempts to discuss it just results in psychological tricks to guilt me into keeping quiet.

The reasons I stay with her are more about concern for her, than love. I may be getting to a point of no longer caring. There's an imminent chance of a fresh financial start and I'm thinking of taking it without her.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It sounds like you both had a lot of issues to deal with in the beginning. Now rather than take care of those then you let them sit and fester. And things that could have been fixed are chipping away at the relationship. My only recommendations would be counseling. Or take some time apart or entirely.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • She really seems to be taking advantage of you here. Maybe not that, but she's taking you for granted. But them it is certainly not possible to be with someone like that for over 15 years. So is this a recent development, or has she been the same all these years?

    In any case, you shouldn't really put up with this indefinitely. I suppose you need to have a serious talk with her, and if nothing works out, you should probably take some drastic decisions.

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