Do I give up on him or keep holding on?

My bf and I broke up about 10 days ago completely out of the blue due to his depression that he's had since 4 months into our relationship (we had dated for a year) and he has been in therapy for it. He had been saying how he felt so much worse than usual the two weeks ish before this happened but he gets more depressive episodes that come every few months and last a few weeks before snapping out of it, so I figured that's what this was. He called me one night out of the blue after he stopped answering me in the middle of a sweet conversation, and he was freaking out saying he couldn't do this anymore and he was so confused and depressed but didn't want to break up. We went on a break and I sent him a long encouraging sweet text a day, but a few days later we broke up. He said he was so depressed, wasn't happy with anything in his life including us, didn't feel in love with me, but wanted to remain best friends because he still sees me in his future and would want to try again? we talked a few times since then and it was light and friendly, but now he's ignoring me everytime I try to contact him (im trying to get my stuff from his house). he's suddenly ignoring me and avoiding me and his friend told me he isn't really talking to anyone, but he asks about me and there's no chance of him wanting to date someone else. I'm just so angry and confused because I want to see him and talk to him and get the story from him bc guys aren't going to be all emotional with each other. This was so out of the blue, just days before he was telling me how I cleared the mess in his head and I meant the world to him and he loved me so much. I asked him when we broke up if he meant those things and he said of course he did. How does that change so quickly? How does he suddenly not love me. He's being so confusing & I hate it. He doesn't know what he wants. I can't even explain how much I love him & how wonderful we were, we adored each other and had the most loving& caring relationship

  • He does love you but he can't feel it right now because of how messed up he is. He'll come back once he figures himself out but in the meantime you should focus on you and take care of yourself until then
    Vote A
  • You should move on. He's being a jerk and you shouldn't have to suffer if he's screwing up
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm going through something similar, except I'm in your boyfriend's situation. I'm trying to hold onto mine because he's perfect in every way and don't even want to consider a life without him, but I feel suffocate and unworthy of anyone and even though I logically can tell myself that it's stupid, I feel a wrongness about everything. I can barely go through the day without thinking of anything but not being able to love him. I feel like I do, but this anxiety and depression makes me feel numb toward him sometimes. Yesterday was the first time I felt any kind of affection for him in almost a month. It's hard for us because we know that it isn't fair for you. I want to stay with my guy, so I'm fighting against it, but it's really hard. Just be aware of that, and if you can't get through to him, it's okay to let him go. He'll understand. But give him a little time for a while if you feel like it's right. Just in case. I know you can't wait forever, of course, but a month or so might help him.

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What Guys Said 8

  • Depression is a REAL disease. People who do not suffer it, do not tend to understand or empathize with it. If you find yourself telling him to "pull himself out of it", you don't really understand it. If you love him. If you truly love him--- convey how much it hurts you to see him hurting. Then in a non-confrontational way, tell him that BECAUSE you love him (if you do), you want him to see a doctor, because depression is a disease, and just like you'd go to the doctor for pancreatitis, that he should go to a doctor for his depression. It sounds like his is chemical and not situational. Chemical depression can be managed very well with medications like Zoloft. There is a huge stigma against seeking treatment for depression, which is sad. I suffered it for 10 years before seeking help. Seeking said help was the best decision I ever made. So again, if you love him, do this--- and support him, but also accept that there is NO magical overnight fix. It takes time for medication to have an effect. Additionally, therapy would likely benefit him.

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  • I met a girl who I adored, at the worst fucking time of my life. I feel bad to this day even though it was 5 years ago. I was literally on the edge of life, no need to want to live. (this had nothing to do with her)
    I wish she didn't run away from me because I came through, it took me about a year. I had no counselling because I couldn't afford it, I had no friends, No family not a single person to turn to for help or advice, so I turned to her. I thought she was my answer but she was far from it. I voted A because when you say give him time, 6 months is sometimes more than long enough to get over shit. If he hasn't improved you need to tell him nicely and honestly that you don't deserve to be dragged down with his symptoms. If you can't wait that long then you don't love him, you just don't realise it yet.
    all the best I hope it helped in some way :-)

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  • He definitely needs to see his doctor for medication, and possibly a new therapist. Be very careful. You should be concerned about your own safety while being supportive of his health. Ask his friend to suggest taking him to the doctor or a psychiatrist.

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  • Give him some time or walk away or demand that he explains what going on with him only 3 options I see he most like does want to be with you.

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  • You should move on.

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  • Dafuq you are under 18 and still you are having better life than me... My life sucks

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  • In my opinion. ... troubled future. ...

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  • Im a guy I kno how guys think I can help you I believe. It sounds like he cares about you but I can't know for sure of course im not in your shoes but from your description It sounds like he does sometimes life can just get someone down you know and you get really confused and unsure what you want and I believe thats what he's going threw but im gonna give you a little tip make him thinm that your moving on just remember a man wants what sometimes he can't have Im not telling you to take it to far but make him think your moving on im not saying start dating rite away because that could be to much and scar your relationship but convince him your getting to the point that your thinking about talking to new guys

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What Girls Said 7

  • I understand what you're going through my guy did that too.
    Just know that he is going through stuff. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, or that you are not good enough. You totally are. I recomend maybe moving on and continuing with your life until he figures out what's up. Then he can come and get you back, that is if you still want him. I know it's hard, but you have to do what's best for you. Don't worry, if it's meant to be, it will be. :)

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  • Don't give up on him. I can't give exact advice because I don't know him personally but I have a depressed friend and without the support she slowly got worse and made some terrible decisions. They push everybody away because they think it is best.. So I'm not telling you to be pushy but don't leave if u do still love him then STAY. There's a chance he still loves you too. Be there to support him when he really needs it.. and if you know the cause of the depression try fix it.. or a counseller... just don't leave him alone.. this is just a rough patch you'll get through... and even if it doesn't work out at least you can say you tried.

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  • I think for now you need to put him out of your head and focus on you? If he comes back you can decide then whether you've moved on or are still in love with him? Just put it out your mind and do things you want to? The balls in his court? Dont wait for him but also don't draw the line that you two are over for good? Only time will tell but don't punish yourself by doing your own head in in the mean time? It's easier said then done I know but give it a try make you your own priority!

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  • I think he cares about you, but you can't spend your whole life waiting for healing that might not ever happen.

    Don't be mad at him, he can't help it. Have you talked to him ever about any serious events that happened in the past? He might need therapy.

    I remember when I went numb, it was something that wouldn't go away until I addressed the issue/found closure. It takes a long time, and might need medication, but he can recover.

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    • I experienced the exact same thing as him. It something you cannot fix, but you can help him.

      Sadly, loved ones usually aren't the answer. It sounds like a personal journey of reflection and healing.

  • if he gave up on you, then you give up on him.

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  • I think its just his depression, while i'm not diagnosed with depression i know how he feels.

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  • if a guy loves you he will stay no matter how mess and hard. he will need you not giving up on you

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