Why does my ex and her family treat me like I was abusive?

So my ex and I broke up in early September. She started dating another guy within a week. I contacted her middle of October and we started talking again. We said we loved each other and she said she wanted to try again. Suddenly after 3 weeks she changes her mind from nowhere saying she wants to break up for real this time.

2 weeks later I see her holding hands with another guy. They are now in a relationship and have been since then I think. They are pretty serious. They even went on a vacation together after one month of us breaking up. Now her and her whole family treats me like I was some sort of abusive maniac. I did not chase her or anything. I only wrote to her after we broke up asking how she could do this after saying she loved me and wanting to try again but she didn’t answer and blocked me on Facebook. After that I did not contact until seeing they had been on a vacation together. I texted her telling her how I thought she was false that she could do that and move on so quick and that I wanted her out of my life. I did not expect or want a response. I just needed to let her know.

A month later I accidentally called her while deleting her number. It only rang once. But the day after her father calls me threatening to call the police and tells me to stay away. I don’t understand. I have taken care of her for 4 years. Never let her spend a dime of her own money, always driven her to where she needed to go. Never been abusive. Yet now after only contacting 3 times in 4 months time, one of the times by mistake, they are threatening to call the police? Why are they treating me like this? Why would she even run to her dad after only a missed call? After 4 years she can’t even acknowledge my existance or respect me.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Maybe all that driving and not leting her pay comes off as controling. As for how you handled the break up. If you are being honest and Im not sure why you wouldn't be and only contacted her twice with texts and tried to call once. If they were all that far apart as well then I can not see how they would get the idea from the break up. So it must of been how you acted during the relationship.

    or maybe she is just crazy. People can concoct some crazy stories in the stress of a break up and normally there family is the first to jump on the hate bandwagon with them. She might have gotten your call when she was with them or it came up in conversation. " oh john tried to call me last night" and her dad over heard. Don't jump to conclusions and assume just because of one phone call with her dad that you know her or their thinking. He probably just overheard her talking about you and got upset and took it upon himself to call you. You broke his daughters heart after 4 years and she looks like she is happy and moving on, he is just protecting her. Can you say you wouldn't be compelled to do the same? As for her I'm sure it is really hard on her and her father probably sees that. That is why he is trying to protect her from more emotional trauma with you. Stop jumping to conclusions and just realize her dad is just being a dad and she is probably torn up but moving on. Stop worrying about them and move on yourself.

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    • No it definetly didn't come off as controlling and she knew it. Her parents loved me before the break up. So it wasn't any issue beforehand. I am not blaming the father for calling me. A fathers love is a fathers love. I just don't understand why they go to such extreme lengths after only contacting 3 times over several months time. I don't feel like he would have called if he just overheard her talking about me calling. Unless she was crying or something. Which from the way she has treated me after the break up seems unlikely. She doesn't care at all. That's why it confuses me. If she doesn't care and treats me like air, why not just ignore or block my number. Why go to such extreme lengths.

    • Show All
    • SHE did not go to these lengths, HER FATHER DID. Stop blaming her when you have no proof she even knows about the call. Even if she did ask him to call its more proof she finds talking to you hard, thus she does care and DID take the break up hard. I know its easy to believe she is stone because you were also heart in the break up but trust me she was hurt too and probably will be for a very very long time even if she hides it in public. Her dad can probably read this better than most and is just trying to help. Forget it happened block her on fb and on your phone, i believe you said you already had but if you haven't do it. Move on and stop thinking about all of this I know its hard but they are just trying to push away the thing that caused her so so much pain and is still causing her pain try and understand that. Fear is just a good tool to accomplish that.

    • I understand that IF she was hurting her father would not want me near her. But all signs point to her not caring or giving a damn. I don't exist in her world. She left me and found a new boyfriend within weeks, went on vacation together after a month. It's now been 3 months since I first saw them together which was 2 weeks after we broke up for good and they are as happy as ever so I doubt it's a rebound. I also understand that it was her father who called me and not her. But her father would not have known if she had not told him in the first place. I don't understand why she would do that. She doesn't give a damn and has her boyfriend. She has not once acknowledged my existance even since we broke up. So why go to such lenghts. I don't know. It just seems so unlikely that she even cares or is hurt by what happened.

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What Girls Said 2

  • My ex went to the police and told them I was a stalker. I don't know if you're from the UK, but in any case, I received a PIN (police information notice) from the police. It doesn't mean much really, just telling me my ex doesn't want contact with me. The thing is everyone and their mother can go to the police and pretend they are being harassed (they don't ask for "evidence") and the police will issue that PIN. Needless to say, it gets massively abused by cowards.

    The story between my ex was this: we were friends after the break up. We didn't live in the same country (see how much of a "stalker" I must have been) and he always told me that if I moved, he'd want to be with me again. Suddenly, he stopped replying to my messages. I was worried, then angry, then worried again. I sent him messages, yes. We were friends. I was worried. Three months after ignoring me and a maximum of maybe 8 messages the idiot went to the police. I was completely shocked. He never ever told me he didn't wish to be in contact, neither did we have a fight. Nothing.

    It hurt for a long time. It was also very confusing. A couple of months later I found out that he was dating a girl whom he started to date while he was still in touch with me (i. e. telling me how he would love to be with me and pretty sexual things, too). I then instantly knew why he went to the police: he was scared to hell that his girlfriend would find out what a sinister bastard he is and so he needed to make sure I would be quiet.

    Some people are just assholes and cowards. I know it hurts, but after a while you will see this whole thing was just a little bump in the road and that your ex and her family aren't worth being upset about.

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  • My ex got a solicitor to write a letter about my harassment of him.
    The weirdest thing was, I never even texted him once since we split up!
    There is nothing queerer than folk!

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What Guys Said 1

  • Assuming you weren't abusive or a stalker, I would sayvshe may have a mental illness and her famik is coveribg for her. I dated a chick with BPD. It was a nightmare.

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