Why can I not stay angry with my ex even after everything he has done?

While my ex was seprated with his wife he and I had an relationship that lasted 14months and ended with myself being pregnant and him reconciling with his ex, as part of their reconciliation he was to have nothing to do with myself or our son, he agreed and I heard nothing from him at all.
6 years later my ex had split up yet again with his now ex wife and decided to contact me, we decided to give our relationship another go which lasted 3 years when he suddenly decided he doesn't want a relationship or to commit.
During the 3 years we were together I emotionally supported him while he went through a divorce, financial problems, a death in his family all of what I thought was just being a good partner I also agreed to not being able to be friends on social media, not be known that we are in a relationship to his eldest son or ex wife, not be permitted to attend his birthday or accompany him to certain functions. He would forget both mine and our sons birthday however would remember his eldest sons and spoil him ( no problem there). He wouldn't support our sons meeting.
To his friends he made out devoted father to our son as they only saw him interact with his eldest so they assumed he was the same with our son.
On my birthday instead of wishing me a happy birthday he decided to end our relationship.
Since ending the relationship he has been pulling on my heart strings, asking if I am seeing anyone, wanting to see me, still opens up to me emotionally and even hooking up.
If he has a bad day he contacts me but if I am having a bad day or needing to talk to him he chooses to ignore me ( I know this as I would send a message on social media and even thou he has been active he chooses not to open my message)
He forgot our sons birthday even thou I reminded him only days beforehand.
The problem is even thou he done and does this I can't stay angry at him the moment he contacts me I forgive him.
Is he using me?
How is it best to move on?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's a classic case of insecurity and inadequate self-worth. Whereby, I suspect you subconsciously believe you are fortunate to merely have a fraction of him in your life, your son's life, versus not having him around at all.

    So, against better judgement, you've consistently tolerated his mistreatment and overt inconsideration of you and your son. You've taught him how to treat you, or inn this case, mistreat you.

    Your ex is narcissist, end of story. He is using you, in my opinion. He believes it is his show, his book, his play. For this, the moment you take away the benefits you give to him is the moment he flat out disappears or hardly communicates with you.

    To move on, you need to better your self-perception and self-worth; gain confidence. Without them, you will not have the proper foundation in place to protect yourself in such times. In the process, you need to call the bank to cancel the checks; stop the benefits.

    I mean, it's obvious that this guy wants to have his cake and...

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What Guys Said 1

  • He only comes around to you when things aren't going well for him and it has to be on his conditions?
    You really need to tell this dude to fuck off and leave you the hell alone, not only for your own sake, but the sake of your son.

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    • Couldn't have put it any better myself

    • Yes I know I should but he knows exactly what to say and do and what emotional card to use that I find myself coming up with excuses for his behaviour.
      Every time I start to focus on myself and our child he pulls those heart strings and I am back where we started. It's like he wants me but doesn't want me at the same time and if he believes I am moving on he pulls those heart strings even harder, making me feel that if I be more patient or understanding things will change etc.

What Girls Said 2

  • Of course he's using you. Your history is so long and tangled though, you're having trouble letting go.

    The only thing you can do is make a conscious decision to move forward and go no contact with him. You're in a tough spot because of your son, but he hasn't been much of a father anyway. I would only communicate if it has to do with your son, and ignore the rest. It will be hard at first, but worth it in the end. It will get easier, but only you can make the decision to start.

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  • I'm gonna be honest with you hun. He is using you and you need to cut out all contact. Just try to forget him and go get you a man who will take care of you and your son. He knows what he is doing to you, that's why he is doing it. Don't let him have control, Take it back and leave his ass.

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