Please help: is he a lost cause? Do I give up or hang on?

We broke up 3 weeks ago after over a year together. We truly had an amazing, loving relationship, were each other's best friend, first everything & were so in love. He started therapy about 5 months into the relationship because he started feeling very depressed, confused & overwhelmed. We broke up because of it but after seeing each other he told me he regretted it so much, it made everything worse and wanted to get back together. After that, he's been experiencing phases of depression (or what I can now see are the depressive episodes of bp) that last a few weeks & then he snaps out of it. When we broke up recently it was extremely out of the blue. He told me he didn't feel in love with me, wasn't happy with anything in his life including us, even though he said he couldn't think of a single problem with us, said im his best friend, and doesn't want me out of his life, would want to try again if he gets better but he can't be with anyone now. I'm devastated because in the few weeks before this he told me & I noticed his depression was much worse than usual. However, he was still saying sweet loving things & told me he meant them when I asked when we broke up. He doesn't know he's bipolar but he shows all the signs after talking to my therapist. He's very indecisive, can be insanely hyper and talkative or extremely depressed. we talked since then a little, I said I missed him and he said he missed me too but doesn't know what he wants, said he doesn't want me gone but doesn't want to get my hopes up about getting back together bc he's so messed up right now. I'm close with his friends & they tell me he's definitely not even thinking about anyone else. He was just telling me how I meant everything to him and he loves me so much before all this. He ignores me most of the time now & said he's hesitant about seeing me because he's afraid he'll "make a bad decision". Which I think means he'll ask to get back together when he knows he can't. please help im devastated

  • He does love you and wants you but can't feel it because of how messed up he is now. He'll come back when he figures things out. Don't give up on him
    Vote A
  • He loves you and wants you, but you shouldn't wait around because he's being a jerk by ignoring you. You should try to move on
    Vote B
  • He wants nothing to do with you, and this is completely over
    Vote C
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Don't give up, but maybe give him some space for a while. He isn't himself right now and all you can do is offer to comfort him (which i think you have already done). You can only help by being there, you can't make things better yourself, he has to want that.

    So I would say don't give up, be a friend to him and he will probably turn around once he realises how stupid he was. Give him some space if he is ignoring you, but make sure he knows your feelings, that you love him and want to get back together. You can even go as far as saying you hope that with some space he will realise and come back to you.

    Being depressed impacts a relationship, but it doesn't mean you can't be in one.

    If he has someone like you who understands and is even willing to help, he really doesn't know how lucky he is. People who suffer from depression are usually very, very lonely.

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 1

  • He should go see someone

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