I was turned down in a really nasty way, an I'm hurting bad. Please help?

This may be long, so please bear with me.

There was this woman I was friends with, for several years. She had indicated long back that she can never consider me more than a friend, and I was fine with that because I didn't have feelings for her either.

We weren't in touch for a couple of months due to certain career commitments. Then yesterday, out of the blue she contacted me. And this is what she said "I was wrong to assume that you could only be a friend. I realize that you're perfect boyfriend material for me, and we could really inspire each other". And said something more along similar lines. I didn't know what came over me, but I suppose her words made me like her at that instant, and so I too confessed that I was really happy with what you said, and we could be a great couple.

Then I was shocked at her response. She said "You're going too far, I only said that we'll be perfect for each other but that doesn't mean I have feelings for you. I should have told you this upfront, but my mind is messed up and I'm unable to think clearly".

So it was all over within a matter of 20 minutes. I'm not the type of person to get swayed easily. But when I had a beautiful woman looking me in the eye and saying those things, combined with the fact that I have been single for over 4 years now, I couldn't resist confessing. But I guess she just 'tricked' me into confessing, only to turn me down. I feel like I made a complete fool of myself.

I have only had these kind of experiences with women. My first ex cheated on me with a 60 year old man, and my second ex was a habitual liar. I refrained from dating for over 4 years, and this this woman does what I mentioned above. She cruelly played with my emotions.

I really don't know what's wrong with me, which makes women treat me like shit. I don't know if I should just give up on women altogether, because I honestly don't think I can ever find a woman who doesn't play with my feelings.

Kindly advice.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • She was wrong her intentions were absolutely to hurt you. She made you think she had feelings for you than twist the words around. I'm sorry you went through that but her doing that she definitely doesn't deserve you. Her attitude will not get her far and what goes around comes around and maybe things haven't been great for you when it comes to relationships but take the time to right down what it is you feel your good qualities are and what you could work on.. be honest with yourself. Maybe things haven't been ok now but it's not the end too many people in this world and your time is coming soon.. i have found myself that the time when I wasn't looking is when I found. So don't lose hope.. their a light at the end of the tunnel. . smile :)

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    • Thanks for your kind words.

      But it's not only this woman, every woman, past and present, have treated me like crap when it comes to things like romance and relationships. So it obviously makes me wonder if the fault is with me, rather than the women. :(

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    • I'm not at all pushy. Not even a bit. In fact, like I have mentioned in the question, I didn't even have feelings for her before she said the things she did.

      I honestly wonder if the supposedly 'good' things about me are what is making women consider me as the worst possible scum of the planet. :(

    • No way.. if you have good qualities than embrace them. . never change for people.. be yourself always

Most Helpful Guy

  • Damn that bites

    I used to be like this and i got my emotions played with alot! Until one day i decided i wasn't going to let women do this to me

    Speak your mind and mean/do what u say if you see a woman you think is hot walk up and talk to her you'll find that women will like this and yeah you'll come across some douchebag bitches who think there Gods gift to men but just take it and leave it.

    One thing i will say is be humble ok unless your frikin brad pitt or have a super hot ripped body and a million dollars you will be an average guy to every woman you meet so dont act like your better than anyone but also remember a woman shits out her ass too and it does stink, so dont let them act like their better than you!

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    • Well... I didn't even have feelings for her until she said the things which she did, yesterday. I only responded. It's not so much about the rejection itself, but the insult, humiliation and the way of rejection which made me feel like crap about myself.

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    • Then I was shocked at her response. She said "You're going too far, I only said that we'll be perfect for each other but that doesn't mean I have feelings for you. I should have told you this upfront, but my mind is messed up and I'm unable to think clearly".

      I would have taken this moment to speak my mind i would have said "then why are you telling me this what is it you want from me?"

    • I suppose I was transport to Disneyland too soon, so I couldn't think or responded to logically at that moment. Too bad this Disneyland trip didn't last for more than 20 minutes! ::P

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 14

  • I know I am only 15 but I know a lot of people who have gone through something similar. At the moment, you probably feel terrible and you just want to blame yourself but judging from the description, you didn't do anything wrong. And you have your whole like ahead of you to try and figure it out

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    • I'm 28 already, and I have never been in even one meaningful relationship which lasted beyond a few months. It's not just about this woman, but women in general have treated me like crap. I don't know if I can keep enduring this anymore. :(

  • Really out of order to do that. Ignore her, she obviously likes this kind of stupid game, don't give her the satisfaction of playing.

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    • Yeah, I don't think I'll ever talk to her again. But still, it hurts to know that I'm always at the receiving end where women are involved. I had two failed relationships in my early 20s, which were quite traumatic so I took time off and remained single for 4 4 years. I thought things would have changed by now, but no. It seems like I'm STILL the most horrible scum of the planet, according to women. :(

      I suppose some people just aren't meant to satisfy the basic human need to love and beloved. Gotta grin and bear it, I think. :(

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    • Well obviously the professional wasn't very good as you still have the issues!

    • I can't expect anything better in a messed up third world country, where I'm residing in. :(

  • nothing is wrong with you... dating as a numbers game... i've come to realize that... no one seems to care about anoyone else. people are mean and selfish. Be selfish... stay away from her... try to find people that make you happy. If you see that someone doesn't make you happy, run... if that person tries to stay in touch or shows sign of caring, you can reconsider... otherwise, just run away. run away from mean people, people who dont care...

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    • Thanks for your response.

      I have already distanced her emotionally, so no issues with that. I don't mind being rejected, because rejection is a part of life. But I'm just disturbed due to the heartless way in which she rejected me, which left me insulted and humiliated beyond what I could take.

    • today, i friend told me that her boyfriend has been cheeting on her with so-called "friends" of her since the beginning of their relationship. the've been together for 2 years...

    • That's absurd! She needs to dump his sorry ass immediately.

  • This woman is impossibly cruel. It's trite to say you're better off with her, but you are.

    As far as your other hurts, maybe make a mental list of your dating successes and use it to keep things in perspective. And if the success list seems short, just know your time will come. Seriously.

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    • Thank you, your words make me feel better. More importantly, it gives me the confidence that it wasn't my fault, and I shouldn't really hesitate to approach other women. :)

  • I honestly think she's the fool and ought to be ashamed of herself

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    • I understand. Thank you.

  • Are you a pisces cause damn you keep picking the wrong women.. Lol jk.

    Stop falling for these bitches.. that's the best advice I can give you and you sound like a really nice guy but you need some more back bone. Don't let women walk all over you <3

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    • No, I'm not Pisces! I'm Scorpio.
      My first ex was a Libran, second was a Piscean and this most recent nasty woman was an Aquarian.

  • Treat her like the dumbass she is.

    Next time she talks to you say something like: "I'm sorry, what? I don't have time for you. I need to talk to my girlfreind."

    Go to the gym.
    Become 10x hotter than she will ever be.
    Get a rich classy beautiful girlfreind 10x prettier than Her.
    Dress classy and nice. (Use money on yourself if you have it)

    And then walk by her a lot.

    And don't do this to make her jelous, do this to make yourself happy without using the other girl that will be your gf.

    Good luck.

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    • Walk by her a lot with your gf. ****

      And when she looks at you, look at her with disgust and quickly look away.

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    • That's good. Oh well. *sigh*
      at least I tried.

      And by the way, this actually works

      Because what will she suspect when you are going to the gym? That you are doing it to get back at her?

      Haha I don't think so.

      What will she think when you have a new gf? That you are trying to get back at her? When you treat her with disgust? I really don't think so.

    • I hope that bi*ch can detect my sarcasm

  • She sounds like a dumbass! She didn't even make sense...

    I don't think it was "nasty" though.
    But you dodged a bullet with her, that's all I can say.

    I'm sorry you're hurt

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    • It's alright, I'm already feeling much better compared to the time I posted this question. And I owe a lot the community members here who helped me.

  • Don't give up! Maybe you keep the wrong company of women whether friends or more. I promise we're not all evil bitches. And you seem nice enough, don't let them get you down

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    • I know that all women are not evil, and I do get a lot of renewed hope when kind women answer my questions on sites like these. But then, in real life, I'm unfortunate enough encounter mostly evil women. Don't know what I should do.

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    • That sounds great! I understand not getting your hopes up but sometimes you can't help being a little optimistic. I truly hope things go well for you :)

    • Thanks a lot for your kind words! much appreciated! :)

  • Sorry you are hurting. everyone gets turn
    Down. It only means she isn't the one for you, and she seem kind of bitches so maybe that is a good thing

    You're find a woman out there for you

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    • I wouldn't have minded being turned down, but the way she did that was really terrible. And if women have repeatedly doled out such nasty treatment to me, it does make me wonder if something's wrong with me. :(

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    • I'd like to believe that too, but I don't know how long I can keep waiting for that 'right woman' after what i have been through.

    • The right one always come a lot when you less inspect it. So just relax it's not you

  • I hope you feel better now. 😊:D. Send her the last words and hurt her just as bad.

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    • Yeah, done that! After that, she apologized several times and almost begged me to remain 'friends' with her. I ignored her texts and didn't answer her calls. Then she sent a long email, claiming that she will never consider ANY guy even in the future, because she is badly hurt from previous relationships, so i shouldn't take her rejection 'personally'. I ignored that email as well.

    • What a flakey weirdo

    • I know. Never mind, she's out of my my mind and my life, probably. I may contact her again at some point, but it definitely won't be with romantic intentions. It would possibly be years later when I'm settled in Oz with a great career, possibly wife and kids, only to let her know that I didn't lose anything but she was the one who lost out on the opportunity to be with me.

  • She's messy, leave her alone

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  • What a bitch... I really hope that she doesn't hunt me down for saying that but that was a low blow and pretty lame on her part. Anyways, I think I know whats going on. She is most likely afraid of opening up to you as she doesn't feel comfortable with you yet. She probably wore her heart on her sleeve before and got her feelings hurt and now she's taking it out on you. As for you, make up your mind, what do you want? Ask yourself, do you really wanna be with a woman who can't even make up her mind about what she wants?

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    • Wrong. She's just a bitch who was thinking something like, "I bet that toad will agree to go out with me, even though he says he doesn't like me."

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    • I totally empathize with you. I'd feel humiliated as well. Move on. Good luck. I can understand why some guys feel like giving up on women. Stupid women like her make it bad for the rest of us.

    • Thank you. :)

  • I am sorry dude... WTF is wrong with her? Well, shake it off like a duck, if you act like it is a big deal then it will be a big deal. If you don't treat it like a big deal then it isn't a big deal. The more you assign significance to what happened the more embarrassment that would me. Shake it off ducky styled.

    I understand and can empathize what it is like to not just be single but "feel" single... I really think it is easier for guys to be single though, less stigma

    It's okay... her issues not your issues

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    • I wasn't really unhappy being single, because that was a choice I made 4 years ago, after 2 failed relationships. But it's not just about this woman, even in the past I have been at the receiving end from women. So it obviously makes me wonder if the fault is actually with me, in any way. It really really hurts that so many people are in meaningful relationships but I can never do that. :(

    • There is nothing wrong with you, sounds like there is a lot of wrong with her to me. I don't know what else to say, but you are not alone. A lot of is wonder when will we have a meaningful relationship...

    • Thank you.

What Guys Said 9

  • Similar to what happened to me bro.

    I literally just said to myself "what a cunt"

    And now I feel great. It gets easier with time, just take it day by day, find a new hobby, keep your mind off of her.

    Eventually, it'll be like she was never a part of your life

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    • No, I don't really need time to get over her. I don't think I even had feelings for her until she said those things yesterday. It's more about the insult, humiliation and the way in which she turned me down which is bothering me, rather than the rejection itself. :(

    • Ah I feel yah, it stings badly, I literally cannot say anything else other than that she was a total cunt to you.

    • Yeah, saying that she was a cunt to me, is an understatement. She did have a history of dating 'inappropriate' men, but she was single for over 2 years now and had made me believe that she had changed.

  • She sounds like a mole , who chased the ego boost.
    BULLET DODGED :)

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    • she was fucking harsh, but karma will get her back , always does

    • Not just harsh, I suppose she derived some kind of sadistic pleasure with what she did to me.

  • Damn dude I felt what you feel and you should be glad that it hurts you it will only make you stronger just keep on going with life and dont invest your heart into a single chick
    https://i.imgur.com/qIdbI.jpg

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    • No pal, I hadn't actually invested my heart in her. In fact, I didn't even have feelings for her until she said those things yesterday. It's more about the insult, humiliation and the way of rejection, rather than the rejection itself, that is hurting me a lot. :(

  • She is a evil bitch from a scary movie... Hahaha
    Now i know that you have already moved on and thrown her out of your life but now you need to be smart to spot a bitch next time when you are with girl...
    Anyone who treats you bad should be out of your life and just be with the good people...
    If a girl even insults you tell her to fuck off... that will tell her that she can't walk all over you and that you have respect for yourself and shr will respect you...

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  • Dude girls love doing this making you feel like they like you leading you on to, then turn you down at the end. It boosts their ego

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    • I agree, but don't they realize that men have emotions too, although we don't show them as much them?

    • You sound like a nice guy, wonder why nice guys always have their emotion gets played with... and then they turn around and treat another woman bad... really sucks to be the second woman you know?

  • She's a bitch. Some girls are just plain bitches and don't know what's good for 'em. Just move on.

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    • I know. I have already moved on from this woman, but it's the insult and humiliation i was subjected to, which comes back to haunt me.

    • We all get insulted and humiliated in our lives. If you need to talk about it, talk to a therapist. Otherwise, shake it off and find a better woman.

    • I don't really need to talk to a therapist. It's just been a couple of days, so I suppose the feeling of insult will subside gradually.

      And regarding a better woman... I guess better woman don't consider me 'good enough' for them, because only the nasty ones have agreed to date me or tried to show interest in me! :P

  • This is common behavior, don't let it get you down. Nothing unexpected. Limit the number of female friends you have, and never ask those girls out ever. For girls you are interested in, ask them out immediately, and don't accept them as friends if they turn you down--if you ask a girl out and she doesn't say yes, permanently remove her from your life.

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    • I understand. She did mention long back that she can only consider me a friend, but I didn't mind at all because I too never had feelings for her. It's just the way she 'tricked' me into confessing, that is hurting me.

  • Wait all this fail make me think about 1 thing you dont beilive in jealousy right?

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    • Now what's that supposed to mean?

    • Tell me first honestly do you beilive in jealousy or no?

  • And men are demonized for just wanting to have sex, lol. Just be a player.

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    • That's the problem, I just can't seem to become a player. I did try it during my early 20s, but it came out so fake and artificial. So I'm genetically not meant to be a player, and I don't really want to be one either. :(

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