Am I a monster?

So me and my girlfriend of 10 months were having issues and we decided to take a break, it was hard for me to let her go and I kinda kept bugging her, and then some events happened that forced us to talk, all I'm going to say about that is it had to do with her pot head ex. After that we did a complete break we stop talking at all, it was originally going to be only a month at most. But then I saw a post she made on imgur that she made saying that she was depressed and thinking about hurting herself, (which she used to do before she met me) and that she has to keep up a fake happy look for her friends so she had no one to talk to. That drove me crazy that the woman I love might hurt herself, so I kinda hacked in her email, not really hack because she told me her password before and I got her friends number and told her friend that she was thinking of hurting herself, my girlfriend and her friend went off on me, told me to leave my girlfriend alone for good. I tried but I couldn't get the thought of her covered in blood out of my head, so I kept looking at her email and tried to talk to her and another friend of hers. Now she has completely blocked me out of her life, and I feel like I monster for doing that but I still love her and I still can't stop thinking about her hurting from herself and its making me go crazy. I can't sleep I can't eat and my life is going to hell because of it. I don't know if I'm a monster or not. I don't know if I should leave her alone and if so for good or always? Should I tell her mom or call a professional? I don't know and I can't stop hurting.
Updates:
I've been debating sending her this (too long for this update) on April 5th (the day we met) as a litter with flowers. That would give her time to think and I feel I should send it. Thoughts?
No matter where you go. No matter what you do. If we grow apart or come closer together. If you fall in love and forget all about me. Or if you come to hate me. I want you to know that I will always love you and always be there for you. No matter where your destiny lies. You will always be my best friend and if fate tears us apart. Always remember that no matter how long it has been since we talked or why we stopped talking if life brings you down I will always be there for you.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You are not a monster. It sounds like you were trying to protect someone not harm them. Unfortunately while she's battling this she may not see it that way. Stop hacking into her email, you will drive yourself mad. Maybe just reach out to her and let her know you're there if she ever needs to talk, but then leave it at that. I'm sorry she's dealing with that and hope things work out well for her.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • well your first mistake was getting into her email... as you know. If you were that concerned you should have tracked her down in person.

    At this point, you probably just need to move on and leave her alone. Yes she might hurt herself, but that isn't your fault it is her choice. That said, she probably isn't going to hurt herself... but whatever happens, she does not want your help, that is clear. So i would let it go.

    I am sorry it has happened to her.

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What Girls Said 0

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What Guys Said 2

  • Your a monster for taking action on someone you care about? No, even if your action was a bit... hasteful.

    You can't fix her with a relationship, that's now how these things work. She doesn't need her boyfriend, she needs to find peace in herself to stop doing that. No, you cannot help her find that peace. Source? I was the same way as your girlfriend.

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  • Call her up. best option, talk to her face to face. Don't push it though. once she says to back off, maintain your distance. give her space. But make sure she knows she doesn't have to hurt herself. Watch her day & night if you have to. She'll eventually calm down and try to cme back to you
    you've a good guy bro. Don't let this girl go. Let her know you support her

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