The first time she broke up with me, she wanted to get back together three days after. Two weeks on, she broke up with me again. The following three weeks she kept one minute showing hints of wanting to get back with me, then telling me she was happier alone. On one occasion we met up and wound up having sex. Then after telling me she wanted to be alone, again, a few days later she wanted me to call her, and after a two hour talk we got back together. Then a week later, she broke up with me again. But wanted us to act like a couple for one last night we spent together before we'd stop talking to one another and move on. But then a day after she broke her own no contact rule to moan at me about something stupid, which some friends feel like she was just looking for an excuse to message me.
This is truly screwing me up. When I feel like I need to move on she somehow winds up wanting me back. I know I was an idiot with breaking her truth with the lying but I feel like I don't deserve to have my heart constantly broken. I feel like in a few weeks time she'll wind up wanting to talk to me again and get back with me. I have no idea what to do, I love her like no tomorrow and know if she wanted to get back together again I would, but then that could lead to me just having my heart broken again. Every-Time it has been her who has wanted to get back together.