How do I feel about this guy? I don't understand my own thoughts and emotions?

This guy that I used to date (and who was my first boyfriend) has been really difficult to get out of my mind. I think it is because he broke up with me and even though everyone said I was technically "better" than him because he was mean and slept with a lot of girls, it still hurt.

I try to stop thinking about him since it happened months ago, but sometimes I can't help it and I think I should just embrace the emotions. But it's weird because I want to be wanted but I also know I would never take him back because I don't think he is a good person. I have a weird emotion towards him that I don't know how to get rid of and I don't know if I miss him or not. I also haven't talked to him since we broke up. But still, I have passed by him a couple times (because we live close to each other) and if I see him from afar and see his face, I feel no emotions at all. I think I have emotions about the "idea of him" and the idea about what happened between us, but not actually him as a person.

Do you know what is going on here? Im so confused? Thank you so much for your answers!


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