My ex and the father of our 9 year old son didn't contact him for his birthday how should I handle this?

My ex and I have a 9 year old son together our relationship ended 3 months ago when my ex decided he no longer wants a relationship, obviously as we have a son together we both agreed to stay friends.
3 weeks before our sons birthday I contacted my ex and both reminded him it his sons birthday and ask if he would like to see our son as he has only seen him once during the 3 months we have been seprated ( this has been his choice as he has been depressed and didn't want his son to see him like this).
When I originally asked my ex about seeing his son he said sounds good but would get back to us. 2 weeks past and no contact at all so I contacted my ex again and asked him once again if he would like to see his son, my ex chose to ignore me but actively spoke to other friends etc so I knew he was ok.
My sons birthday come and went and not even a happy birthday message from my ex. I lied to our son ( thought I was doing the right thing) I told our son that his father called earlier during the day to wish him a happy birthday as he wouldn't get a chance later I even purchased a gift for our son and said it was from his dad.
My son birthday was a week ago a yet he still hasn't contact our son however is still actively talking to other people so I know he is still alive. Should I contact my ex and ask why he didn't bother contacting his son for his birthday or should I just leave it and act as though we don't care and see what he has to say when and if he finally does contact his son?
Any suggestions on what I should say or how to handle this would be great.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Hi there. The father is probably a bit ashamed of his situation at the moment and can't face his son, perhaps he's worried about what type of questions his son may have for him etc.
    All three of you should sit down together and speak about the whole situation nicely. Talk to the kid about why his dad is spending time away, talk rationally, kids are really intuitive so don't worry about him not understanding.
    I think that once the father and son talk it out, visits will be more regular.
    During the conversation the father should tell his son on which days or times of the month he will visit. He must let his son know what's going on.
    I'm not sure how you will get this message through to the dad but I hope you can. Him and his son need to talk things out because the kid doesn't know what's going on now. If you and the father don't come clean with your child now and he finds out later that he was lied to and deceived, he will resent the both of you. All three of you need to have a little get together and talk everything out and tell the kid what to expect going forward.
    Maybe you can pass the message on through one of those friends.

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    • Thank you for your well thought out advise and giving me another angle to look at the situation from where my ex might be coming from. I will continue to try and hopefully eventually we can sit down and come to a place that works out in the best interest to build that relationship between my ex and our son.

    • Phew, I'm glad I could help a bit :-) Let us know if you need further advise.
      I hope the three of you work everything out nicely.

What Girls Said 1

  • Contact him. I keep thinking and their is no good enough excuse for him not contacting his son. It doesn't matter how depressed he claims to be... his son should always be his first priority. I hate when a relationship is over and the other person give up on the kid.

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    • I agree that his depression should not be used as an excuse however it is what it is.
      I am trying to savage the relationship between his son and him and he shouldn't just walk away as both him and our son deserve a relationship together.
      The only concern I have is the more I try to contact my ex the more it seems he actively is choosing to ignore me, I don't want to push to the point of no return.
      It does also anger me that I feel I am the one who is trying to build the relationship when he should be at least trying to but until he sorts himself out I can't allow my feelings to interfere with what my son deserves and that is to have his father in his life.

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