What's the deal?

So my guy and I were together for about 7 months. Still in the honeymoon phase, enjoying pretty much every day together for most of that time. He's 26, I'm 23.

He is moving to Florida from Mississippi. He is planning on going to school to finish his BA, then move onto his masters then PhD. He also will begin to invest in rental properties. He has some major aspirations for the next few years.

I told him on the phone recently that I was willing to move to Florida as well, so that we can continue our relationship. This is big for me since I'm not a person to go outside of my comfort zone--he changed that in me. It wasn't necessarily a hard decision or one that will impact me financially. My intentions were to find my own apartment since he had mentioned possibly moving in with his brothers who are also going to school. I would find a job at either another ambulance service or hospital. I also wanted to go back to school. Something I never thought I would do.

We never really discussed it. A few weeks later he told me no, he doesn't think it's a good idea. He doesn't want me to resent him if something happens between us. So I figured that we'd make the best of it and enjoy the few months we have left together.

He had a trip to see his brothers very shortly after that. Everything was fine between us while he was there, and on his way back. He broke his phone, so we had no form of communication. Next day we worked, there was some distance between us, that only grew as the work week went on, but we still talked when we saw each other. Next time we had a chance to see each other outside of work, he broke it off completely.

It's obvious he is hurting. So why make a decision like this? He's said he still wants to be friends and thoroughly enjoys being around me, but I just can't when we were more than that. He can't look at me much, yet he stays in the same room as me for as long as he can. What gives??


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well you've only been together for 7 months, i'm feeling that if he just wants to so abruptly end the relationship and refuses to even let you move to Florida to continue the relationship suggests he doesn't want to continue it and wants you to let him go, he knows it would never work long distance (thus the sudden distance), so i think he knows too he's not being very nice just ending it just like that.

    I don't think he really cared for you as much as you thought but 7 months isn't such a great lengh of time to be sure of how you both truly feel, i feel like he just didn't feel for you as much as he thought and he can't look at you because he didn't tell you sooner, i think you need to ask him if he's been having doubts for a while now, how long has he actually been planning to move to Florida? because something like this takes a while to think about doing... so if he's been thinking about it for a while then he's been unsure of your relationship for a good while now... which isn't great because he can't just start dating someone then decide to make other plans else where.

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    • He's been planning on moving back since I started working with him. He's just recently been finalizing plans and timelines. He's been very open about the move. He's even told me plenty of details about everything. I would imagine a man who was sure that he wouldn't continue the relationship wouldn't discuss the subject as often, or ask for opinions on different things.

      I appreciate your input on the possibility of him not being as interested as I thought. That is also something I mulled over, and thought may have been the answer. However, talking to a few close friends, who are also coworkers, it has been very clear to everyone that he was just as into me as I was into him. As for the not being able to look at me, he's expressed that it's not easy for him, but he still enjoys being around me, no matter how hard it is for him.

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    • What I mentioned to another reply was that most were truthful while only some were BS. As if he really didn't know why he was breaking it off.

      I agree that him leading me on can be a possibility in a similar situation, however it's unlikely here.

      I have asked him why would he lead me on, which he made clear wasn't his intention. He has too much dignity and his morals wouldn't allow for him to be deceptive.

      Your opinions and viewpoints are definitely valid. A lot of people can be deceptive and manipulative to get what they want.

    • Yeh agreed, i honestly would never trust a guy like this right from the off when he knew and was telling me he was moving, it's like what does he want me to do then? why is he talking to girls and trying to start something up when he knows? why does he want me to like him? non of it would make sense to me...

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What Guys Said 2

  • With all the seams and transitions, he felt that it would probably be best to let you go. You need some closure. Ask him why he felt the need to end things?

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    • I have. Most of it has had some truth to it, some of it is BS. Yet nothing major enough to be the cause of this decision.

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    • I'm a person that has a hard time with the whole "forgive and forget" mentality. But I'm making a very strong attempt to do just that

    • You don't need to forgive him; you just need to forget. Time will heal your heart.

  • That's weird. I have no clue why he would abruptly do that. Clearly, he's confused or something else is going on... another relationship, family pressure.. something.

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    • I am so confused as well. I'm female, so despite the emotions I'm feeling, I'm trying to figure it out like anyone else would. I feel that I'm a logical person, so I've looked from every angle and nothing seems to make sense.

      When I say we spend almost every day together, I mean that quite literally. Maybe 1 or 2 days a month are not spent together. We work the same schedule, so we work and are off the same days. At one point we were working together on the ambulance (12+ hours a day) and then spending probably an average of 7-8 hours together on every day off. There's no chance of another relationship.

      I haven't met his family, which does sound concerning.
      But he HAS met mine. In November he expressed his want to meet my mom while we were in Louisiana, so we decided to make a detour on the way back from New Orleans to meet her for dinner.

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    • I thought I was that point, then I made this post...
      Maybe asking for an outsiders opinion was just one last shot at figuring it out.

      I do appreciate your thoughts and input-it helps me. While I won't obsess over an answer, I will at least give these possibilities some thought.

    • Good luck!

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