Boyfriend of 2 & a half years wants "space" . We have a 5 month old but he doesn't want me to move out. What should I do?

I've been w. my boyfriend for 2 and a half years. We have a daughter who's 5 months old & unfortunately I just had a miscarriage this weekend. I love him, he's been my 1st boyfriend, he seems to be "the one". I'm 21 and he's 26 years old.

We had bumps down the road. Like every relationship. Lately he's been keeping a password on his phone, he ignores me a lot more. Everything was perfect before that, he would talk about marriage & how I wasn't going nowhere, that we would be together forever. Until 2 days ago he told me he didn't want a relationship anymore. That he wanted to be free & wanted to do what he wants. Ex; Going out w. friends & to the bar whenever he wants.

I told him I didn't mind that he went out but he wants to go out every Thursday Friday & Saturday. And when he does go out he turns off his find my iPhone and doesn't answer my texts & phone calls when I call him bc im worried if he's okay because it's nearly 5 am.

But he said he would rather want us to go our separate ways because he didn't want to hurt me. Not by cheating but by always going out. BUT he doesn't want me to move out & he still wants to hang out, go out to eat and do things together. But of course I don't want to live under his roof & see the things he does because that will hurt.

The night he told me about him wanting to break up he decided to cuddle and tried to have sex w. me. Which of course confused me even more.

He tells me he's still inlove w. me. He wants to be w. me but he just wants space. That he's not ready for a relationship. But still gives me kisses and touches me.

He has me so confused to what he wants. What should I do. Should I stay & stick it out or should I pack up my daughters things & go my own way? Of course I want to work it out. Not only because I love him but because we have a daughter together.
  • I should stay
    Vote A
  • Pack up our things & go
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Girl

  • if he is not ready to be a man and treat you right i think its better to give him his space and move out. allow him to see the kid but don't let him touch u or anything. who know what he does when he is with friends. sounds like he wants hi space to go out and meet people. tell him how you feel and don't allow him to touch u when he wants space.


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What Guys Said 4

  • I am not a rocket scientist, but nothing good happens when you are out past Midnight. He randomly puts a password on his phone, a girl texted him to make sure he got home alright. Are you kidding me right now? IF he loved you his actions would show it. He loves what you can give him, not you based on his actions.

    • So do you think I should get up & go , try to work it out? We're suppose to go out just him & I this weekend w. no baby. Bc obviously living there im still going to cook, do laundry, all the house duties. Or should I cut him off. by the way his phone is under my name.

    • Well if there wasn't a kid, you definitely leave. I do not have a kid, so I have never experienced that. I voted B get up and leave, but these situations always screw the kid. Does he not have a job? And it is apparent he is done, just staying around for sex. I say you should leave if you have somewhere safe to go.

  • I feel that he has taken the miscarriage very badly but its very disappointing that he's not supporting you!
    You need to have the talk and figure a direction for you all. I suspect he has commitment issues

    • I suspect the same. I don't know what he wants & it seems like he doesn't either. But I'm tired of dealing w. this and I don't want to live together , but he's still single & I'm technically not bc he said he wants to keep me in check. And when the miscarriage happened he wasn't even home , after that he said he was happy it happened , bc he didn't want anymore kids

    • Thats just F#%ng outright mean to say that, kick his ass to the kerb and never look back, he's not worth your time.. Wishing you well

  • The miscarriage might have him distraught but who knows. He says he wants space but he's throwing mixed signals. The two of you seem to need to take a moment to breathe. It's fine he wants to have some more free time but he also needs to help take care of the kid. Actually separating seems a little extreme and in the heat of the moment decision.

    • So what do you think I should do. I want to be w. him I want to work it out but he keeps saying he wants to be single. Should I give him his space? Should I move out? I'm so confused & hurt. This weekend we are suppose to go to Atlantic city w. out the baby. I don't know if that's a good idea. Maybe spending alone time together & bring back our old memories of how we were before the baby will do some good?

  • Sit him down and tell him to man the f up. His days of drinking and staying out until 5am should have been over 5 months ago. It's understandable that he wants to feel young again but now with a kid he needs to man up and take responsibility. If he can't accept responsibilities as a parent then pack up and leave.

    If you leave without talking to him don't try to get child support because you left him. If he wants to be apart of your child's life, he will. If not, it's something he'll regret the rest of his life.

    Who knows, he may grow a pair once you lay it out for him: "Me and our child or booze" Be clear that you don't have a problem if he has fun with friends but that he has a family to take care of first.

    Side thought: He might miss intimacy. You said you just had a miscarriage so next time use a condom, just a thought...

    • Last night he went out left at 10, kissed me said he loved me & he'd see me in a little. He told me where & who he was going out w. But then all night he didn't answer my call & I was worried bc it was already 5 am , he didn't come home till 7am and then expected me to drop him off to work. And I saw he was texting an unsaved # I asked who was it he said nobody then I asked again & he said it was a girl he met last night she wanted to know if he got home safe but he's not talking to her. I kept askin for her name but he doesn't want to tell me. Then I asked him if that's what he wanted to go out & meet new girls if he picked partying over his family and he said yes but he wants to see his daughter grow up w. him. And I told him he wasn't going to see her grow up, not see her crawl or say dada and if this was really worth throwing all we have away. He said I was right ,

What Girls Said 6

  • So he is ready to make babies but he isn't ready for a relationship? I'm sorry but this guy sounds completely like a asshole and someone who shouldn't have been a father in the first place. What he is expecting of you (not moving out, still wanting sex etc) is unreasonable as well. He can't have his cake and eat it too. This guy needs to know you won't just be his little toy to play with when it suits him and his needs. He says he needs space but it sounds to me like you have given him enough space according to me. He needs to grow up and mentally mature before you can ever expect more. I say move out and be independent for a while. This guy is no good right now and you shouldn't have to worry about him and his behavior.

  • He asked for space. Give him space. Move out and take the kid with you, and when he figures himself out and want you back, go back if you want to.

  • It seems he liked his relationship with you, and this is going to sound harsh, but the baby might be what has caused the rift. However, even if he wants his space, it is unfair to you as parents for him to be able to ditch out and start over and leave you to be the adult. If he is also financially supporting you, then there needs to be grounds set. He can't just forget his responsibilities on all the good days of the week. You deserve a few days, too! You're not the problem here, girl. But dear, if you can support yourself, I suggest you get out because you deserve better.

    • I've asked him if he's jealous of the baby. Of course I provide more for the baby then him now. B4 it was all about him. & he tells me he wishes we could get rid of her for a few hours just so we can have alone time or go out for drinks together like the old days. This weekend we have planned a Atlantic city trip. Just him & I , I don't know if that might help the situation. Of course I love him & don't want to lose him especially rip our family apart. So I tell him I'm willing to compromise but he tells me we can do that but I won't like it & I'm gonna get hurt, not by cheating but by him always going out & he wants me to give him privacy by not touching his phone & to respect that he has a password on it & I won't know it & another thing he tells me is he wants to watch the baby grow but I tell him if we aren't together he won't really see her grow. He has a 5 year old he's always forgettig & I said that will happen w. our baby to & he once told he didn't want to ruin this family

    • Does he spend time with his five year old? If he doesn't, then that may be a red flag. There are men out there, flinging their seed around like farmers. I really hope things work out for you two, but baby sitters are expensive (they typically go for 30 per day), or 125 a week (I babysit over the summer , so I know these are the average charges). I'd make a backup plan, but I always prepare for worst case scenarios, either to be pleasantly surprised or ready for the any move. But the phone thing... that's concerning. I do not have a lock on my phone and although my boyfriend does, I know the password. We have a relationship where I can confidently ask him who's calling on my phone if it's closer to him than I. Not a lot of couples are like that, but not a lot of couples are faithful either.

    • He would pick her up every Saturday's. But then sometimes the mother would say no. And we use to be okay w. the phones, I knew his password & could ask him anything now he wants privacy and I ask why but he just wants me to respect his decision. But it's hard bc like last night he went out, didn't come home till 7. And a random # texted him asking if he got home safe. I blacked out on him, & he doesn't want to tell me her name only thing he says is that he met her last night. Now today , right now , we are speaking about the situation & coming down to an agreement I just don't know how to come down to an agreement w. his phone. Bc now that will be an issue for me and will cause conflict between us.

  • He doesn't sound like he wants the responsibility of a family. He wants to have his fun. what ever you do don't get pregnant again.

  • No

    . .

  • It's time to end thus relationship. He goes out all the time and ignores you. And your daughter. He currently isn't interested enough to be a responsible father or partner.

    I mean, yeah he has right to go iut and be with friends but do you ever get do that? Can you leave the baby with him and have fun?
    Doesn't it already hurt you that he says he doesn't want you and then tries to get sex?

    Pack up your things and go live somewhere else. Maybe space will do some good for you and you will get back together or maybe you find happiness from somewhere else. I mean he might be already cheating.


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