Why do men even bother fighting for child custody?

It's a well known fact that the society AND the law deems men unfit to be good parents for their children, and child custody almost always goes to the mother in case of a divorce.

So why should men even fight a battle which they are highly likely to lose, and in the process waste a lot of time, emotional energy and money (due to the lawyesr fees)? They might as well give up custody since they are 'supposedly' bad parents.

I welcome opinions from both men and women.

Updates:
I see a lot of people here saying that the father getting child custody is not that rare anymore. I wonder why we hardly come across cases where this has happened, because it's almost always the mother who gets child custody.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • That is changing in a lot of places, and fathers' rights societies are cropping up to support this. Not all, but many men over the years have been satisfied to share custody or give up custody in order to keep the peace. I think that the system has gotten used to deadbeats and just like a broken record, has been conditioned that the "normal" thing to do is give custody to the mother. The woman was seen as being a primary caregiver emotionally and able to devote her time to the child while the man worked. That's how it always used to be - but now with times changing, women working full time and men being more involved with their children, the system has yet to keep up with this shift.

    Men should still fight for custody, but no parent should let their custody fight get in the way of what is ultimately right for the child. Just because one parent, whether it's the mother or father, thinks they should just have the child full time doesn't necessarily mean they should. Many factors are involved with choosing the full time home, and as long as either parent can prove they have stability and can give all the support and love the child needs, there is no reason not to keep trying. Unfortunately for the kids, a lot of couples just pull a child from their ex-partner simply because they don't want the other to have what they think is theirs and allow their own differences to get in the way of what they give the child. This sort of back and forth nonsense is not fighting for the child but rather fighting the ex for the goods to just win something over them. If a mother or father really does offer the better home, a court does recognize this. Many women are beginning to lose children to their ex-partners because it's starting to be realized now. You just need to find a Fathers Rights group in your area to give you support and advice on how to proceed without your child going through any more suffering.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Its almost always the mother that gets custody? What rock have you been living under?

    The mom or dad has both equal potential for child custody. Don't mistake an illegal immigrant mother who gives birth to a child in American soil situation, because nobody has the right to take a child away from its mother, but child custody is different.

    Child support is not so tough on men nowadays. That check that the mom gets is for the child's "use", not for the mom's "use". Yup, women can no longer use that child support paycheck to get boobjobs or whatever neglient act they might do.

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    • Just not true where I am.

      I saw some data for one Canadian province about two weeks ago. Where it went to court with no agreement, the end result was something like sole custody to the mother 83%, joint 15% and sole father 2%.

      I'm also not aware of any rule changes here regarding where the money goes.

    • If it's a 50/50 split there is no child support given by either parent. On average if a parent has to pay child support it's based on their earnings and anywhere from $150-$400 a month (based on an average income), hardly what it takes to raise kids.

      I disagree with you @kheserthorpe I am in the law feild and I'm also Canadian. I have studied law and know the courts will not give the mother rights just because she's the mother. I've also been witnessed a few custody battles, all resulted in 50/50, one week with dad, one week with mom, no child support given to either parent.

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What Girls Said 14

  • You have already answered your own question they basically feel like they will lose and that women have automatic power to won their kids but its not true. A guy I used to date has kids and the mother of his youngest two took the kids and are in another state now. Before this happened they never got along. He lived in a 2 bedroom apartment and has a great paying job. She lived in a government assisted apartment, could not hold a steady job, and had criminal charges on her that prevented her from legally leaving the state but when she got a car she wold frequently visit her family out of state and I warned him that things are getting too ugly between them he would go days without seeing his kids just because they were arguing and I told him he needs to go o court to get some kind of arrangement because it was getting out of hand. I don't know why he never thought that she would leave but she did and now he complains about them being too far but when they lived 25 miles away he didn't make the effort legally to get them. I feel like he was qualified to get joint if he tried at least but he did not

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  • Im so happy my dad one my custody i kinda hate my mom, moms sometimes can be so bitchy and interested in money and thats why they want to be with you men maybe can't put a lot of attention because of work but there are moms who give a fuck about there kids life soo my friends you are wrong

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  • Because men also have a right to see their children and to fight for them, and they have to take advantage of that. If guys don't even bother showing up to custody hearings because they think they're going to lose, they're not ever going to get custody of their children.

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  • It depends on the situation, if the mother is neglecting care than the law may choose the father, that is vice-versa.
    If both parents are capable of taking care of the child then generally there is shared custody but typically is sole custody of the mother (depends).
    Nothing should be a waste of time and en

    ergy if the father loves his child.

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  • men have every right as does the mother to see their child. i can't say for everyone but I have residential, but we share joint custody every other weekend, and maybe every other week during summer not including holidays which are divided between odd and even years, I would never take my son away from his dad, he needs him just as much as he needs me. I don't think I helped but that's my opinion.

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  • I'd love to see more men fight for their parenting rights... to me, that shows true love and dedication to their children... This is coming from a single mother whose younger son's father does absolutely nothing for his child.

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  • Almost every kid in my school had divorced parents, and they saw them about an equal amount. Some of them did have a main house (especially if one parent travelled for work). But still most of them lived with both parents all the time

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    • That doesn't sound right. Once kids start school the court usually picks a primary care taker that has the kids most of the time. Maybe unless both the kids parents live in the same area though, I don't know what happens in that case as that wasn't my scenario

    • @Longblackveil yeah most kids had parents thy lived in the same area. But I knew one girl whose dad lived far away so of course she wasn't with him as much seeing as how it's harder to get to and from school.
      Most of the kids had one parent considered their main parent but they still don't about equal time at each

  • Wow. If I thought this was a troll question until I saw your username.

    Anyways, that's like saying why would you fight for your child's life is you know he's gonna die.

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  • It is usually because people think the women are naturally the nurturing ones. The stereotypes are that the mothers are the over caring ones, and the dads are distant and don't really know how to parent. It is a sad stereotype, especially with a lot of kids who have to live with their mother, when she is a cruel person. I have seen cases where thank god the father got them, because the mothers are god awful. I have also seen cases where they weren't so lucky, and their kids or at least one had to live with one, who was an awful parent.

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  • If they love their child then it is worth fighting for whether or not they know they're going to lose.

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  • They have a right to be in their children's future well depends on what he did.

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  • You are wrong and it's not a well known fact.

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    • Also, please show me the law that deems men unfit parents.

      Children will be placed in the custody of the mother if the father is unfit, and vice versa. If both parents are responsible and fit it will be 50/50 split.

      If both parties are using the children as tools to alienate the other parent neither will get them.

      It really irks me when people like you give these one sided opinions and claim it's fact.

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    • 50/50 physical custody is almost unheard of here.

      The norm is two weekends a month to the dad. Assuming he can get a place large enough for kids to have their own bedrooms while paying child support. If not in practice he gets a few afternoons.

    • @kheserthorpe It's common practice in Canada & the USA. Maybe it was different 20yrs ago but it's not done that way now.

  • They love their children.

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  • They treasure family and their offsprings.

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What Guys Said 25

  • You are saying that a drug using mother is a better parent then a hard working father.
    Fathers love their children I know I will love my future children. They want the best for them. If they think that they will be better off with them instead of their mother ten they will fight for them.

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    • I'm NOT saying that, it's the law and society which say that.

    • Whose law? Your from India are you talking solely there or in America?

    • I'm referring to the society and laws in general, all over the world. I mean... obviously there wouldn't be a clause in the law favoring women, but considering the history, I suppose it is safe to assume that almost always the custody will be granted to the mother.

  • So I should just give up on my kid? What example does that give to the kid? Sure, the marriage may have failed, but I'm not gonna fail as a father, and I'm gonna fight for my kids.
    A father that doesn't bother to get the child's custody, doesn't deserve their custody.

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  • Can't call yourself much of a father if you won't even fight for your own children. They fight because they live their children and don't want them taken away.

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    • But what would be the point of fighting if the child is going to be taken away from them anyway, since child custody laws all over the world are heavily biased towards women?

    • The answer is above.

  • Because if I was in that situation it's my kid and I'll fight for my kid. You fight for what you care for, if you go down you go down swinging. This is especially true if you feel that your kid is better off if you have custody than if you don't.

    By the same logic it's 100% guaranteed you'll eventually die so if somebody is trying to kill you why would you fight? I mean isn't it just a waste of time to try to stay alive?

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  • good question. but my bro gained custody of his kids. she was cheating, and he found evidence that she suppoebly worshiped satan and also threatened to poison his beer. crazzzzy (shes not related to me). plus he was viewed as a fit and stable parent.

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  • It's ridiculous. I read this story on /r/pcmasterrace about a guy who got his computer and a bunch of his other stuff smashed by his drunk wife after trying to get a divorce and she still got the house and kids.

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  • basically wouldn't it be bettr to get rid of this stereotype that guys cannot be good parents? ;-)

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  • I won custody of my kids in court. I think your wrong, it certainly happens that the father can win in a fair fight. I just had a better job and she was not very responsible

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    • Really I would feel bad if I didn't try at all, even if I thought there was no way I'd win.

  • You make a very good argument against becoming a father in the first place.

    But, most fathers love their children, so, if there is a chance of success (how ever small), they will fight for it.

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  • I would fight to the last breath. I'm a great dad and my daughter needs me.

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  • Because fathers love their children too? I don't see why not actually.

    Of course there might be cases as you put in the update but most of the times fathers aim for shared custody.

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  • Its because if i am a dad, and i know i am the best choice for my child, i want him/her to be with me
    especially if the mother is a crazy lady!

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  • Umm if my dad didn't fight for custody then I might've gone with my mom. Meaning no therapist treatment, no medications, no nothing. Id probably be a serial killer by this point.

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  • Because those men love their children and want to take care of them.

    Do you think men don't love their children?

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  • Not all courts in every state favor the women even though most of them do.

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  • My dad got full custody of me when he and my mom split so it's very possible.

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  • I've had a very very uphill battle fighting for my kid, it's been brutal

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  • Because its your child you're fighting for. Are you really just going to give up on them?

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  • Cause your kids are worth fighting for.

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  • Because men love their children too.

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  • My uncle lost his kids to his ex. He's a business owner, she was (and still is) a drug addict. Don't know what to tell you.

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  • Maybe feminists will work to make this more equal

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  • Because some Dads love their kids and some Dads get custody, giving them a strong motive and a realistic chance of success.

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    • Most dads getting custody are getting it as part of a negotiated settlement. If it goes to court without a partial agreement the odds of even partial are terrible.

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    • Mods aren't some special people who need to ask only a certain 'type' of questions. We just help in maintaining the quality of the content by reporting/removing offensive or profane stuff.

    • "Most dads getting custody are getting it as part of a negotiated settlement. If it goes to court without a partial agreement the odds of even partial are terrible."

      I did win mine in court with no settlement. We couldn't come to an agreement because she wanted to be primary caretaker and so did it. It also wasn't a case of her just being totally unqualified, we were both imperfect as young as we were

  • Unless you live in Texas or a couple other states men have very little rights as a father. It is as rare as you think. Men are getting screwed over all the time. How do I know? I am one of them. I learned the hard way that men have little to no rights.

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  • What if the mother is on drugs or can't provide for the kids?

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