Best way to go about breaking up with someone?

(I know many of you are familiar with my situation from what I may have told you in pm or previous questions.
In any case, I've reached the end of the line with my boyfriend. I'm out of patience, trying to make myself beelive the exciuses made up in his defense. I know I'm not happy, running out of ways to answer when my friends ask what I'm even getting out of hte rezlationship, but I'm still scared to call it off. )

On Thursday all's well, when he calls and asks if I'm okay that he invite a friend to our bike ride. I said sure, hoping I'd meet with my guy a bit before the friend so I could tell him about the almost panic attack I got for a presentation. I get there and he's already with the friend, waiting on their bikes.

I calm down cause I know the next day is our movie night, where we'll have some alone time. Sex doesn't happen &it ends with me just getting him to cum via oral. We were watching Once Upon a Time which I wanted to get him into since I did get into GOT just for him but he barely wants to even cuddle. Like I legit had to ask him to cuddle/kiss me. The whole time he's also on his phone.

While dropping me off I'm not in the best mood. Only made worse because he's like 'oh baby, are you upset? I know.. it's because you didn't get any sex today.' I stay quiet, silent car ride. In front of my house it returns to the issue and I said I'm just giving up, I feel like I'm putting in all the work, he already cancelled so many of the plans we made in terms of scheduling.

We had badmiinton the next day, I ignored him basically the whole time, just chatting with a friend.
He said he won't make it to our usual hang out time on Tuesday due to exams, but will take me to dinner on Wednesday. Do I wait till then to break up with him? Do I ask him to meet beforehand, despite him having exams on Tuesday & Wednesday?
ShouId I even bother explaining why I'm way too exhausted to

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Tell him tomorrow (Wednesday).

    Don't do it at a dinner, though. Tell him that you need to meet and talk. Go somewhere as private as you want, and tell him that you've grown apart, feelings have faded, and that it's over.

    I hope it goes ok. Seriously, good luck.

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    • thank-you.
      But wait what.. tell him that, even if I'm willing to work on it so long as he is? My feelings obviously haven't faded.
      Or are you saying that from his end, so I should end things for my own sake?

    • OK, so keep in mind that I'm just going off of the information I read here...

      It kinda seems like this dude has had his chances, and he's never shown a willingness/desire/ability to meet your needs. Also, reading your post it just felt like he's checked out. It reads like a relationship that's been headed toward a
      conclusion for quite some, and it's gonna inevitably go that way sooner or later.

      That said, if you really believe in your heart of hearts that he's capable of lasting, meaningful change, and you wanna give things one more shot because you have strong feelings, then I
      wouldn't dissuade you from that either.

    • Thanks. Hope everything is well. :)

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What Guys Said 7

  • Sorry to hear that you and your boyfriend will be no more. =(

    Personally, I'd say that since -- according to your post -- you wouldn't have been seeing each other in person until Wednesday night anyway, I would wait until then to break up with him. He'll probably be busy with exams until then -- and you both planned a Wednesday meeting because of that -- so both of you would have to rearrange things AGAIN just to meet before then, at this point. And all for something painful. =(

    Besides, telling him early might leave him messed up for exams. You both may be checked out of this relationship in your own ways at this point, but the lives you both have outside of your relationship with each other shouldn't be hurt any more than necessary, if you both can help it. And by your post, even though he is no longer a good boyfriend, it doesn't seem that he's necessarily a bad or evil human being --- and once upon a time, out of all other guys in the whole wide world, he was Your Guy --- so let him down in a way that is as "easy" as possible, I'd say. Taking shots at him before you leave, for example, isn't constructive of course lol. Rather, just let him know what went wrong for you, because who knows: someday, he might end up being able to be The Guy for someone and make someone happy. It just wasn't you, and it just wasn't now.

    Waiting until then will also give you time to think and be more sure that you are ready to go forward in life without him.

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  • The inevitable has come! I was rooting for my Asian brother too...

    Just be straight forward with him. You two are at different places in your lives. Maybe later down the road things make spark again. You never know.

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    • haha yeah, I noticed you've been following with most of the things I posted regarding him eh?
      How could I be even more straight forward with him though? I feel like at this point, all I can do that I haven't already tried is straight up asking if he even wants to be with me. Which will probably lead to a vicious cycle.. he'll say something along the lines that he does want it if I'll be patient with his studies a bit longer.
      &the cycle repeats. Cause I'm such a goddamn sucker for those sorts of things. :(

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    • oh. so it's just till whenever someone feels they're ready?
      In that case, I'd rather just call it quits. For me a I think definite end would be way better than the unknown.
      :(

    • Its up to you. You may feel that way now, maybe with time you will go back to him.

  • You said that you are very committed in this relationship, so I would rather believe this is just a very emotional reaction (at least according to things you said which I saw).
    So I think you still should give him some times.
    (Oh My God, I should not click in this question, now I am becoming worried about my relationship.)

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    • hahah sorry about causing you to worry!
      What do you mean it's just an emotional reaction though? Like on who's part, on his end or mine?

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    • Oh, s**t. I thought today is Friday , so I was feeling very weird when posting comments on this question.

    • yeah umm. idunno. We were trying to make things work in terms of scheduling up to like... a month or two ago. It went downhill when he got a new job, adding to his stress and all. I'm willing to work with him to make things work out but I do have to just ask him if he even wants to be with me. Not talking to him for a few days after having ended on a bad note leaves me curious.

  • If you keep your mouth closed, he's never going to open his eyes. He probably doesn't even realize what he's doing wrong. Tell him you've had enough and why, this community is helping you out so help out the next poor woman he dates.

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  • Sorry to hear this @KaylaS91. You were so into him for a long time but he is acting like he's not that interested anymore.

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    • yeahh... not the best situation. I actually just got back from hanging out with a friend. She agrees, she remembers I used to be super excited all the time to see him. She asked me right away if we got in a fight. I'm like... no. She caught me in the lie cause she said I've been down all weekend. Not really sad like near tears or angry, just very to myself. With a very passive demeanor.
      Guess that doesn't bode well. :(

  • You just tell him you are breaking up and be done with it. Do so immediately.

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  • I'm with Despondency, just do it. If you have this big web of "I did this and he did that and then I did that and he did this" going on, just ax all the silly games and be done with it.

    Also, why are your breasts your cover photo? Not that I'm complaining or anything lol

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    • yeah so.. no giving him a heads up that I want to talk? or just surprise him with it if he actually remembers about the plans for Wednesday?
      &Do I bother explaining the reasons why I've finally cracked and gotten to the end of my patience with him? Like feeling like he's already checked out, etc... or so I just say straight up that it's over, no questions asked?

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    • hahah yeeeah well he did see it but on another day and the damage had already been done.
      Um.. not necessarily. I just want to hear his end. Like if a person who I once thought was extremely selfless and had his shit together could be so flakey, and if he truly believes that all that sort of behaviour is justifiable. If it were to be a legit reason, I would accept it and be willing to wait till it's sorted out. But from my perspective and almost all my friends', that doesn't seem to be the case.
      So I just want to hear his end out of curiosity.

    • I gotcha. Well yeah, find some kind of "in" to start that topic off, and then just let it flow. You are curious to hear his side, so just ask him what's going on with him and his end. Tell him what you've observed or think about how things are with you two, ask what he wants, etc... just whatever you feel you want to ask him or talk about. Because sitting around in mystery isn't really helping anybody.

      Plus, you need to let those nice boobs and bra be experienced by someone who truly appreciates them! Those puppies are being mistreated right now haha

What Girls Said 6

  • If you're already tired with the situation I guess you should yalk to him. A real serious and deep talk. Wait for his exam to be done then talk to him the day after. Tell him everything. If there's a way for yyou guys to reconcile and start over then that would be fine but if you guys both dddcid

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    • Sorry I accidentally pushed enter.

      ... but if you guysbotg decided to end the relationship I think that is fine also. But before you break up make sure you to him everything and make sure you talk about it in a way you both understood.

  • Put on your big girl face and meet him somewhere you feel comfortable. Then feel him you are not into him any longer. You are calling it off and mean i! No contact

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    • why do you say I'm calling it off? Like do you say I should do that for my own good or?

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    • Looks like you are the one who needs to do some soul searching. He seems pretty clear.
      Not sure why you are going back and forth but I agree with @DodgersGM

    • not sure what soul searching is in your books? For me, it's figuring out what you want in life or in this case from the relationship. I think I'm pretty crystal clear with what I want, it's up to him if he thinks he'll be able to meet those needs of mine now, not whenever he is ready.

  • Girl he doesn't sound like he really cares for you and he can see that he is intentionally pissing you off to push you right through that door... i don't think he likes you as much ether, why else would he be constantly sabotaging things? he never gives you sex, he cancels plans, says things to wind you up because he knows you can't have it... he's just playing around with you majorly... he's definitely not taking you seriously whatsoever, don't wait until dinner... just dump him and get it over with, if i a guy treated me like that id be out that door before he can say bingo lol screw that... don't let him mess you around and make you unhappy.

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  • You just tell him that you don't want to be with him anymore. Then stop contacting him.

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  • Say swerve!

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  • Did you use another girls pics? Cos the other girl had brunette hair and looked completely different to you O_o. Why are u catfishing man

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