Heartbroken and need advice?

So I got really worried that my boyfriend and I are too different to be together. He likes to go out and I like to stay in among other differences. I brought this up to him this past Sunday and he asked me if I was basically breaking up with him because of the way I was phrasing everything. I said that I had thought about it and that it would be the easiest thing to do at this point in time. He and I are 20 years old and in college and have been together for a year. After making it official we hugged and he told me he'd miss me. I walked out of his room and throught the rest of the house only to look back at one point to him looking out the window just watching me. It's now Friday and we have briefly conversed back and forth, mostly me asking him to reconsider what our decision was in an adult manner, but he still insists that he stands by his decision and that it's best we have some time apart. We are both very heartbroken at this point and have mentioned being friends in the future due to the way our break up happened. It was mutual at first and now I have this gut feeling that we made the wrong decision. He still says that the break up is best and we spend some time apart from each other, but I know that he loves me and would get back together with me he just thinks we are too different and thst will cause problems in the future.

I know this is long, but I really can't understand why we are still broken up. Maybe he just needs time to miss me enough to want to be with me, or maybe he knows that we will never be good together in a relationship.

Please give me any of your thoughts, they will all be very useful.

This is the last text I received from him yesterday: "I know you're still heart broken and so am I because I do miss you the same way you miss me knowing that just being around each other is comforting and enjoyable but I think I'm going to stick with my decision to break up. Not saying that there is no chance for
us to ever reconnect in the future because there is no way I could ever cut you out of my life completely because you still are important to me your life matters to me like you said just a text here and there updating each other on what's going on in our lives would mean the world to me. As of now I think we still need time apart from each other and as time goes on I hope it gets easier to talk to you because even writing this is hard for me, putting my emotions into words has always been hard
for me but just know I will always want you to be a part of my life.


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What Guys Said 1

  • The thing is, you two are too different to be together. You discovered that, and he agreed with that. That is the key thing to remember. You broke up for a reason. That reason hasn't changed. Nor will it. Breaking up was the right thing to do.

    However, breaking up now puts you in the position of feeling alone. It puts you in the position of looking back at the positives of the relationship, and feeling that those positives are better than the way you are feeling now. Because they are. The highlight reel of the relationship will always be better than being alone.

    The relationship was wrong, but you are now feeling that it was better than being alone. The problem is that being in a pieced together relationship that is wrong, out of fear or pain of being alone, will stop you from finding a relationship that is right. Mr. Right will come along one day and you will not date him because you are in a relationship with Mr. Better-than-Alone, and he will not ask you out. Or you will decline because you are in a relationship and you don't do that. Or something.

    You have only been together for one year, so you are still in the phase of the relationship where you are feeling NRE (new relationship energy) and not long-term love. NRE is very strong, and it covers up a person's faults. It makes you look past them. Now that you are out of the relationship and feeling lonely, the NRE is short-circuiting your logic center and making you overlook the problems to feel a very powerful bond. But the bond is bio-chemical masking tape... NRE exists to make people feel very strongly attached to each other while 'real' long-term love builds slowly underneath. It takes years for it to grow. Your logic center realizes this relationship is not right. But you are still feeling the NRE towards him, and it is making everything confusing.

    The reason why you are still broken up is because it was the right thing to do. You knew it logically. Your emotions haven't caught up yet.


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