My boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue and has cut off all contact. Need advice?

So, this is a long story.... I had been with my ex for 4 years, he moved in with me pretty much straight away and we had been inseparable ever since. He adored me, would always tell anyone who would listen how much he loved me, posted it online CONSTANTLY (to the point where it made people feel sick how in love we were) and I genuinely feel like he IS my soul mate.. We talked about our future, marriage and kids a lot and 6months ago he set up a joint bank account for us to start Saving for a house and a wedding.... We went away for Valentine's day and he bought me a sentimental gift and wrote lovely loving words in my card, as he always has done. Then the weekend after we went to a family party (his Side of the family), everything was fine... But then the following week, COMPLETELY out of the blue... He ended it. He was so upset but very angry.. I had never seen him like this. He didn't really have an explanation, just that he didn't want 'this' any more.... I was completely blind sided.. I begged and pleaded for him to stay and talk it out but after 10 minutes of ending it he was out of the door... I sent him a long message asking how he could throw away all the memories and plans.. He replied the next day Saying he wanted to talk. He came round that night and was ALL over me, kissing me cuddling me, saying he loved me but needed space. I agreed to the space and off he went after kissing me goodnight, but said if I wanted to talk he would talk.. 2 days passed and I contacted him saying I miss you. No response.. I continued to kinda harass him that day not know why he wasn't responding (I was very emotional and was showing it)... A week passed without me contacting and he didn't either then his brother blocked me on Facebook. So I contacted my (then boyfriend just having space) and said what's going on.. Bluntly he said its over,,, that day he cancelled our joint account and blocked me off everything. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON.. It's been a month but I'm confused :(
Quick update for you all, still no contact with my ex. I found out he had cheated on me with a girl from his work and think they are still seeing each other now.
What I have learnt from this is to never let anyone make you feel like you have done something wrong! As he ended it with me without a reason I spent the past two months wondering what I did and if I could change it. So glad I found out he had cheated as its made me realise things weren't so perfect.
I'm getting on with my life :)


Most Helpful Guy

  • That guy is a real loser.. He used you. Played with your emotions.. Sorry to tell you but you gotta move on.. I know these kind of guys.. They just enjoy everything like married couple and then suddenly break up like nothing happened.. I am really sorry for what you're going through.. all you can do is just move on.. Spend time with your friends family and don't think about it anymore

    • Thanks for your message. I really don't understand this whole situation. He's telling people he's 'plodding along' without me which makes it sound like he's still upset but why now contact me... I didn't do anything wrong in the relationship. I gave him everything. He was also like best friends with my brother and he has completely ignored him since too.
      What is going through his mind :(

    • Show All
    • Never loved her? Were you there? Do you know him?

      people like you are the reason why some people leave gag.

      you can't just say something like that cause you weren't there

    • @new_me ohh no no.. It's not like that.. But you can think that the one who really loves you never really does anything shit like this... People leave gag because it's their choice.. Not my influence

Most Helpful Girl

  • Something or someone happened in his life that changed his mind. Maybe his work demanded more from him or an old ex lover reminded him of the pasts. Perhaps a family member consoled him who had a huge influence on him. Being with someone for 4 years and taking those serious steps then ending it randomly is not a normal thing. Perhaps he was diagnosed with something and didn't want you to know. Maybe he hit a rough patch and it was extremely hard to deal with. No matter what, I wouldn't wait forever for him & still reflect upon it. Just don't stop your own life from happening. Keep doing things and it'll help distract you and the pain.

    • In the last year he has been modelling and a lot of people have said its gone to his head and maybe he thinks he's too good for me now... I know him.. He is so humble and caring.. What he has done is not him and 100% out of character.
      It's been a month and I feel like if he regretted it he would have contacted me by now and he hasn't which is killing me., I thought I meant more :(

    • Show All
    • His mum is also very opinionated and she thought we were too young to be do serious with each other.. She thinks he should be travelling like she did at his age.. But then I also really got on with him mum,, all of his family in fact.
      My mum has spoke to his dad since the breakup and his dad said he doesn't know what's going on and he hasn't told them anything and is keeping himself to himself... And I'm just here blarting to anyone who will listen :/

    • Well if no one else but him knows what's up, then obviously something has changed with him. Maybe ask his brother somehow? Sounds like he knows at least something since he did block you - obviously his brother told him to or else he would not have instigated that.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • He's only done what most women do. Get over it.
    No-one needs a reason to leave to leave you, and they'll rarely have one (even in marriage).
    He's probably banging someone else by now, and doesn't want to explain it to you.
    You should do the same, and move on.

    • I disagree, I think there is always a reason... I just haven't been given one.
      How can you move on from a 4 year relationship full of love, that has ended so abruptly.

    • When the wife of 6 years divorced me, some decades ago, she said "I'll give you a reason, one day". Of course, that never happened.
      When similar things happened to my friends since then, I've always advised them : Don't look for a reason. They don't need one. You'll only drive yourself crazy looking for a reason that isn't there.

      You just get on with life.

  • he has probably being seeing someone else, don't be surprised if you see or hear he has another women on the go.

    only a typical cheater does that, because the same thing happened to my cousin.

    • That's what I thought originally but a mutual friend and told me that he's not talking to anyone and they know this for a fact... And that he's focusing on his career.

    • to be honest I don't get it either. he might be very stressed with something, or could some serious health problems. otherwise it doesn't make sense.

  • We have seen it all but not this... this is so strange!!! It's like he is mad at himself because maybe he cheated on you or something and doesn't want to let you know to avoid hurt or something...
    I mean why would he end it like that if he was happy all this time with you? 4 years and a live in relationship is not a small thing...
    I don't understand what it is.. only time will tell...

    • I thought maybe guys might have done something like this before to relate how they felt in the same situation... But like you say, it's nothing iv ever heard of.
      It's horrible because it shouldn't be this harsh of a break up because we haven't fought, nothing bad has happened as far as I know.,. So maybe your right
      Maybe he cheated and is angry at himself...
      The horrible realisation is that i still love and want him back.

    • Well ya its a little weird he just left like that... hang in there... Maybe when he cools down.. He will talk to you or come back...

      But if he has cheated would you take him back... If he is really sorry?

    • I don't think he would of had time to cheat. He lived with me... I can't think of there being an opportunity where he could of cheated. I don't know if he just wanted to see what it's like again to be single
      But surely he would of been acting differently for a while?

What Girls Said 5

  • How terrible and I'm sorry you have to deal with this situation.

    I believe it all got too real for him and he realised that he'd taken it too far in that you were both making big plans for the future and everything was done and dusted.

    I think he wants to get out there and see & do other things and to live a little outside of you & your relationship.

    He handled it in a very brutal manner but I think he tried to protect himself by just cutting everything off and not having to deal with any of the emotional stuff that goes with break-ups.

    Are you sure he is not talking to anyone else, even at work or hanging out with work colleagues? I think he's waiting for an op that he spotted to become available.

    • I wish he would have just said though if it was because he just wanted to get out there and enjoy himself... The planning of marriage and kids all came from him. I know that it can scare some guys off so I sould never instigate it..
      It doesn't make sense for him to break up with me then the next day be all over me then for me not to hear from him again :S...
      What goes through guys minds?

      Everyone that knows us together are shocked because of how he was with me, they think he's testing the water and will realise his mistake one day, but I don't know... I feel like he's too good for me anyway :(

    • I can understand your confusion. I, too, wish people would not respond to the pressure of having to think and plan about the future. All of that "taking it to the next level" crap is just annoying and sometimes guys feel that pressure too.

      I think he's growing up and looking at life differently and is now realising that he wants different things to what he initially said or offered. His life is expanding in some way, whether through work or other experiences and it's clashing with what he has with you. The sudden change is the sudden realisation that the future is mine for the taking. He is being selfish and thinking about what he wants. I still think there is another goal he is chasing.

  • He was prolly balckmailed by a girl he's slept with at his work or he has been advised by his agent not to get married as it will get in the way of his career.

  • Funny how the relationship abruptly ended immediately after he went to the family party.

    Have you always got along with his family? Is he his own person or is he easily persuaded?

    It just sounds like he was given an ultimatum by someone and was forced to end it with you. It doesn't make sense for things to be great for 4 years straight and then suddenly he throws it all away without an explanation.

    It could be that he got into some serious trouble and your wellbeing or even life were at risk, if you stayed with him. Is that at all a possibility?

    Something is very very fishy here.

  • I can put a spell to call you back, but then there is catch. if I do, he will be back but he won't be the same guy.

  • He's got some bitch you didn't know about. Some guys are both insecure and liars like that.

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