Should I feel guilty about ending the relationship?

6 months ago I met a guy on an online dating site. I was also in the middle of looking for an apartment and decided to find roommate on Craigslist.
The guy I was seeing suggested I move in, as he wouldn't feel comfortable starting a relationship with a girl who found her roommates online. I turned him down. A few dates later, he was still very insistent. So against my better judgement I moved in after only a month.
That's when the red flags started.
The first night I went out with my girlfriends, I came home to find him drunk on the couch. He drank half a bottle of whiskey alone. The heavy drinking continued 3-5 nights a week.
He also wanted a three some, and he brought it up all time. I have zero interest but he thought that I owed it to him since he "allowed" me to move in.
I also have a dog that he would violently beat every time she didn't listen. She has gone through obedience training, however being a husky she has a short attention span. Whenever I would say I thought he was being hard on her, he would then get mad at me.
I offered many times to let me pay half the rent. He instead wanted me to pay for groceries, and do all the cooking and cleaning. I work at a full time job, starting at 4am everyday with a few hours of overtime each week, that alone is exhausting. But I did my best.
He would often call me stupid, and roll his eyes when I would talk. Period. About anything.
I mentioned going to counseling once so we could learn to communicate better, he said the idea disgusted him. And told me to stop trying to piss him off.
I realized we are not compatible. I like wit he likes slapstick. Im a liberal who fights for gay rights, he's a right wing homophobe.
Finally this past weekend, he was drinking and violently grabbed me, all in the name of "having a good time". I told him I was done. He accuses me of never trying to make it work, but I think I've done more than my share. I don't think he's a bad guy, just the wrong guy for me.
I just wish I didn't hurt him.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Find somewhere to go, get your stuff and get out. Now. His behavior is escalating; it will not get better. If you are like me, you are afraid for your dog as well. If you can, get her out first as he will likely hurt her to get at you. Let a friend keep her for a short while. These would be my exact steps:

    1. Find somewhere to go, make your arrangements in advance, keep it hidden as you line it all up

    2. Find dog somewhere short term

    3. Wait until he is gone for work or somewhere and start moving things out, small things first that he won't notice OR if you don't have much, get people to give you a hand and get everything out while he is gone.

    4. Leave the key, shut the door and don't look back. Leave while he is gone so he cannot hurt you over it or convince you to stay. If you have to leave a note for closure, fine, but don't confront him face to face.

    5. Delete and block. The next few weeks will be rough, but if you block him and don't let him know where you are staying you will manage.

    6. Tell your boss and coworkers you have left and that he *may* try to come around. Your boss will know how to handle this.

    Please get out. His increasing violence combined with drinking is a deadly time bomb. You owe him nothing.

    While all your planning is going on, be as natural and normal as you can for the safety of you and your pet.

    Good luck, sweetie.

    • I have already moved out my dog, and a few bags of my things. I'm staying somewhere else for now. I am still trying to figure out how to get the rest of my stuff, I may bring someone if I have to just to avoid further confrontation at the least.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Nope, do not feel guilty at all. Get the hell out of there!!!


What Girls Said 3

  • Get away before he ends up getting worse. No he doesn't look like the right guy for you either!

  • That dude sounds like an abusive cunt. You shouldn't feel guilty.

  • You are a terrible person for allowing your dog to be beat. Your pet has no where else to go for protection. I hope the same thing happens to you.

    Take your dog to a shelter. You will never be a good pet owner because you care more about deadbeats feelings than their lives.

    • Your answer is just so ignorant. I'm going to assume you have never been in a manipulative controlling relationship. I've been in a few. And I stuck up for my dog, like it says above. I didn't allow it. I let him turn that anger on me instead.

    • I knew how to get our of my 1 abusive relationship and not get into others.

      You are weak.

      I don't give a fuck if you choose to let yourself get beat. Animals have no other choice when they're locked in a house with the abusers. You can get out and get help. You chose not to.

      Find a GOOD home for your dog it deserves better than you.

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