Guys, so you and a close friend "crush, girl you like/love" have a serious falling out. She approaches you, how do you react?

So there's a few questions in this..

How do you react?
"Ignore her, seek the opportunity as a chance for revenge, talk it out "

Best approach methods for success?

Background story: So me and this guy, really cool friends freshman year. I guess naturally feelings developed, I was clueless so I guess you can say he was friendzoned at the time.

I found out the following year, though not through him but through his friends and gossip. I ignored it, "I've never been one for gossip". But than it started to irritate me, I tried to talk to him about it on like 3 separate occasions. Two of my more direct attempts were ignored. My indirect attempt however was not but I chickened out.
ignored it some more in hopes it would just go away.
"It didn't", in fact it got worse once enough people found out I found myself being attacked by random people he knew artificially judging me "Jealousy I guess", I ignored it

By the end of the year I had so much pent up anger from being disrespected. I simply made a list of people of people I needed to make amends with for whatever reason.
Let's just say it didn't end well...
i mean I thought I was pretty nice about it but I recently opened up to a friend and told her bits of the situation and what I said
Her response: "Damn girl, you tore him to pieces and left him with nothing", I can see why that didn't go over so well

Fastfoward: Junior Year "my god, yes.. I'm still dealing with this" Can't believe it...
I was really under the impression that he would just get over me, everyone would just get over it, life would go on but it didn't
infact I moved away just to recollect myself, I had other personal issues on type of him, but still even with distance, no contact, drama, everything I said. He still feels the same way
His friends are split still.. Some still very vocally disapprove, others are coming around and some are just like makeup already

I'm visiting town soon, for some events with my friends.
I thought if we ever were going to have a talk, It'd be best face to face, so now's a good opportunity.

I'm slightly worried, I'm kind of infamous now more than before, so this is of course a risk.
I'm not sorry, for what I said or did.
But my delivery could have been better and it really wasn't an intention for him to be hurt
That and the fact that I'm going back to campus means someone has to be an adult here, I guess it'll be me
Thank you so much...
You're right on so many levels
He has yet to meet me half way
& I'm a damn good rare friend

After a day of deliberation and events,
I was reminded today why I left and also that I'll never probably be seen as good enough by his friends "yes they still give me shit" without even knowing me

With that being said, he can continue to suffer but there's no reason I should too

I'll think hardly about this 4 try, my last serious message went unheard apparently


Most Helpful Guy

  • The fact that he still have feelings for you really sucks and as much as you didn't want to ruin your friendship, it did somehow by not returning his feelings towards you. I get a gist that you countlessly tried to explain to him. but he just can't just get over it. You gave him the time and even move away for him to recover. I honestly don't see any positive outcomes from this; he will always resent you for not feeling the same way he does. He probably thinks you were misleading him in a way and giving him signs that you're interested in him in any way, but that usually is just in his head. People often dilute themselves into believe that there is something there when in reality, there isn't at all. I'd approach it very cautiously either way, but you shouldn't really expect too much from it. Just know that you did what you could do to salvage your friendship.

    • Maybe the 4th time's the charm...

      I know, I'm really hoping on a miracle at this point he has pretty much directly talked to everyone about me/us besides me

      I mean I could try dating but then it'll seem like it's only out of pity
      If I hit him with the can we just be friends for now like "we all seen this play out too many times"

      Yeah you're right about the limited outcomes
      I've just despise quitting/giving up, I do this with everything work, school.. Etc
      I've chosen to be miserable, fail and reap consequences over quitting

      I'll have promise myself after this I'll give up
      This is one of those scenarios where I kind of wish we were stuck on an elevator or room together

      Seriously contemplated making that happen
      I'm sure his friends would help because they're as sick of hearing about me as I am

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    • Thank You So Much,
      You're right on so many levels
      He has yet to meet me half way
      & I'm a damn good rare friend
      I tried and cared like no other

      After a day of deliberations and events
      I was again reminded why I left and that I will never be seen as good enough by his friends "they don't even know me"

      I'm going to think hardly about this 4th try because apparently my last message went unheard so I dont know if hearing it again will help but the fact that this is still being dragged out.. After years and months with me facing all the negative reprocussions
      "Is ridiculous" for supposed college students I expect better behavior

      Maybe I'm just angry from today but I think I'll stand my ground on this one
      I may miss something but I'm not the one suffering
      I'll let him figure it out

    • I'm just glad I could help you out you know.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • I think there's a certain asymmetry here. I never thought a case of the friendzone could end up this bad, so maybe it's more than that and the fact that you're oblivious to it made it worse.

    Anyway it had time to cool down so your best bet would be to 'read' him first. Don't ambush him but approach from afar with an 'i'm sorry' smile. Now i know you said you're not sorry but if he sees the slightest amount of non-remorse on your part, he'd leave. This long approach is important because you can see whether he wants to talk or not. Signs he does may include but not limited to: feet and face facing your direction, a smile (even a forced one), eye contact, etc. If at any point during your approach he leaves, don't chase him. If he starts to move towards you, stay put and let him come. Be prepared for violence though… I might be overacting in this last part. :D

    Whatever happens i hope you have peace of mind. I envy your guy friend. Boy do i want my ex to apologize to me right now or at least explain herself.

    • "I never thought a case of the friendzone could end this bad" .. Thanks I feel better already lol

      The answer to you're more than that imply..
      Very short 3rd paragraph
      Further proving the terribleness of this situation
      Talk about complicated

      My far fetched dream is that we can hug this out and agree on something..

      My worse nightmare is he'll ignore me

      How will I even get him to agree to meet me or pick up my call...

      Of course there's the random chance that we'll just see each other

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    • Wow, now that you ask, i can't get a good answer for it. But it seemed like a bad idea when i wrote it. Lol

    • Lol, you're hilarious
      Well when you remember why you thought it was a bad idea let me know...

      I can only think of 2 cons: he ignores me, he tries to get revenge and embarrass me

  • Don't ask me i am too randomon this one
    I could start of by saying i am sorry or by giving here one of those don't fuck with me looks
    Not sure could go either way

    • So honest ha :)
      See the last part is what I'm afraid of but I've accepted it as a possible reality
      Right now I'm in a pretty good position of power where I could walk away with my pride and all still in tact or I could risk it and get my friend back though no gurantee it'll get better.

      Why would you give her the look though?
      Even if you still cared about her

    • Pride gets in way
      You should go for it i support you

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