Every time I try and get over my ex girlfriend I basically get dragged in again :(?

The story from the beginning.. I'm bisexual
I was 16 and I was pretty suicidal, I just wanted my life to end so bad. I was in my first year of college and there was this girl in my class. Me and her started talking, I completely opened up to her and we both instantly fell in love. I never felt this way for anyone before, I just knew she was the one for me. She was the reason I didn't end my life.
Me and her lasted from the age of 16 to 20, I was the one who ended it. She was constantly lying to me, putting me last, she wasn't being the girlfriend I fell in love with. 5/6 months later me and her was going to give it another go until we had a huge argument at hers. She was being anti social so we had a huge argument. She brought my self harming into it and told me I don't cut deep enough (basically saying bleed to death next time) and then she almost pushed me down the stairs. We eventually sorted all that out but what she said to me the night before completely sank in and I realised she isn't the girl I fell in love with because she was never once that nasty to me throughout the relationship but I still wanted her back.
I wrote her a song in January and I finally got to sing it to her 2/3 weeks ago and she cried, she clearly still as feelings. She now has a new girlfriend (who was the reason we split up) and yet she was still sat there crying on cam. If apart of her didn't want me at all no tears would have formed right?
She was the reason I chose my second University choice because she didn't want me moving away, I actually wanted to go to my second University choice. The week before I started University she decided to tell me she didn't want to give us another go. So basically she led me on all summer, guilt tripped me to choose a Uni closer to home and then completely destroyed what was left of me before Uni.
Her new girlfriend treats her like shit, everytime I try and let her go she'll message me or something. It drags me in.
Any suggestions in what I can do? :(


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What Guys Said 1

  • I'm sorry for your experience, and I truly hope you are feeling better than the time you tried to harm yourself.

    That being said, you have to let her go. Much easier said than done, but what's done is done. You've chosen the school you are now attending and made other life choices that put you exactly where you are today, and while you initially made those decisions based on what was best for you and your partner, that didn't work out. So, you now have today and you are still working to get a degree, which is great. You can make new friends and move on with your life. But first, you're going to have to say goodbye to the part that's constantly bringing you grief.

    My experience is someone how gets physical and is painfully mean like she was to you about your suicide attempt is not someone you can count on never being like that again. Do you really want and need that in your life? Instead of choosing to be miserable with someone who has no idea what she wants and is using you for her own benefit, I would recommend you chose to move on and focus on starting over and being happy.

    I promise things will get better and the pain of being apart will heal. By letting her go, you will also need to cut off all contact with her and even tell her you do not want to see her or have anything to do with her right now. That sounds harsh, but she's been very mean to you, so why worry about her feelings when you have yours to worry about first?

    If it's too hard to break away, then try and find a support group so you can talk about it and get more encouragement to just move on. Like I said, it won't be easy at all, but you'll be much better off once you do.


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