I pushed him away , is this defense mechanism?

my ex left me and hurt me brutally before, but then he really wanted us to get back together , he said he loves me and that he is sorry and that he will make anything just to make up everything for me, he came to my house and wanted us to get engaged , but i dont know why everytime he tries to call me or say sorry or text me i just push him away, or not reply, or ignore it , and then i would cry myself out, i tell him now please leave me to forget you, and then cry myself to sleep, i would be waiting for him to call me or text me , then i answer coldly and then i cry the next day all day. what is that? i push him away and i think i would be happy then i am all drowned in sadness


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Most Helpful Girl

  • He burned you. Whatever he did was enough to reduce or entirely annihilate your ability trust him, feel comfortable with him, and believe in him. So while apart of you naturally misses him, your brain knows that he's not good for you thus telling you to stay the f*ck away from him.

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    • yes exactly , i have zero trust in him , i know he loves me but i am too scared ,

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    • I know it's going to hurt you to walk away for good but it will hurt you much more to stay around again and get disappointed.

    • He's been sexual with another female and everything? wtf no you need to keep him the f*ck out of your life!! He is shady and he just keeps abusing your trust and mistreating your heart. You are doing the right thing.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Yeah that's a defense mechanism

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What Girls Said 3

  • You are likely just hurt by the past still which is why I never go back to ex's because I know that the hurt they caused me won't be forgotten. You'll either have to snap out of it before he leaves for good OR you need to reconsider this relationship. Either way action is required. You cannot be passive and expect things to change on its own because it won't.

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  • At this point, you should really weigh your pros and cons.
    Sit and literally write down why you want to be with him and why you don't want to be with him.
    Don't let him push you back into a relationship that you aren't ready to Be in. Nothing good comes out of that.
    Take in all factors to consideration. You need to think about the way he hurt you and how much pain it caused you.

    Reflect on the relationship, look at his character as well.
    Good luck

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  • if you don't trust him then how could you say that he still loves you may be he is pretending? what you are doing is a human behavior because the fact is you are angry and and and you truly loves him. But according to me if he really loves you he will never miss a chance to be with you again. When the next time he text you or call you just be brave & with all your courage tell him what you truly feel for him and how much he hurt you. If you want then start with a friendship.

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