What's the deal, why won't he let me have my stuff back?

So my ex broke up with me like 2 weeks ago saying he was unhappy and our love was different and this whole not right now but maybe in th further it will work... He doesn't wanna have to spend time with me everyday and all this stuff. So like I was hurt, but I let it be and then like I didn't really speak to him and then we spoke a little and he said he doesn't know if he is done with me he isn't sure cause I was like do u wanna spilt our stuff up like bills and stuff we own? And he was like I don't know. And said well if we don't plan to be together then we should and he was like I don't know. So I was like fine I will give him some space and time. I see him like a week later on a Thursday and we took the dogs to the park and he came over and we hung it was nice I was like this is good it's not weird. This is how we should be and then he kissed and tried to go further I shut it down. We then had a really good talk and he said he wasn't sure if he wanted to move on. And like it was positive and then he ignored me and I saw him the other day and he was like I haven't spoken to u cause u have frustrated with blowing up my phone and I was like I did not. I sent u a message about what I wanted to say when I left cause u said we would talk when I dropped one of the dogs back to u n u didn't show up. So I sent u a message and put myself out there n u like never acknowledged my feelings. I was like so like then u would ignore me all together n I felt like my message hurt u or because I shot u down u were mad at what happened and like it was negative that day. He was like I don't know what I want if I wanna be done or not... And I was like r u talking to other girls he was like I am not looking for something like pursuing it but like if it happens then like it does but I am not trying... And I was like well then if u wanna move on then tell me and let me go... He said I don't know. So like I asked to separate our stuff today and like nothing back from him at all. He can be on fb message other people thou...
Is the reason he won't spilt up our stuff in storage and the bills we have together is because he wants to keep me as a back option or because he doesn't know if wants to be broken up and wants time to think?


Most Helpful Girl

  • First of all, there are a couple of things you said he said that make me furious on the inside:

    °Maybe in the future it will work
    °He doesn't know if he is done

    The reason why these things make me furious is because an ex-boyfriend of mine did the same to me. For a whole year he kept telling me these things, and I realise I was an idiot too because I let him. The thing is that a guy who wants to be with you, knows that he wants to be with you. A guy that wants to be with you, MAKES it work and doesn't tell you that maybe at some distant point in the future he will show interest in you again. I have zero respect for guys (and girls) who string others along like this. It's cruel, it's unfair, it's disrespectful. They're basically prohibiting the other person from moving on, they do this for selfish reasons, so that they can go back whenever they want because after all, they always left that door open.

    The fact he's so reluctant to split the bills and your belongings also speaks for the fact that he wants to keep this door open. He's a coward. He wants out, but not completely. He needs a backup plan. He wants his cake and eat it too. Now as someone who has suffered for a whole year because of an indecisive, selfish guy (in the end he found someone else and cut me off completely, from one day to the next), I urge you to insist on splitting up everything and then get him out of your life. You deserve to be with someone who wants you, who makes it work, and who doesn't give you hope in small doses, kisses you, but then retreats back into his shell and tells you you can't have him yet, but maybe one day you can.

    • He did this before. It was for three weeks. He said this time he was unhappy cause I got clingy and like I was depressed from weight gain and insecure and I know I made things hard I would accuse of being interested in other girls cause I felt ugly and couldn't understand why anyone would love me when I can't love me n he tried to like convince me that isn't true at all n to stop it for a few months and I couldn't. And so he said I can't do this we argue all the time and just unhappy. And like it's distracting cause he was like u have so much potential n ur like everything I want in a wide but like just I don't know it's different. Like I could see myself marrying but I don't want to anymore right now. I don't wanna deal with this constantly. And he's like things may change we could cross paths again I don't know my future. I could say same things for exes like I don't know if they will come back in my life again. Doubtful with them. So like thurs we brought our dogs we have to the park

    • And it was nice I hadn't been talking to him a lot trying to let him think cause he said I need to learn to stand on my own and be independent again and not dependent and I understood that and I figured it out why I was acting like this which I stated before. And he was great very there for me talking to me about a bad job situation I had. Saying he would help out with paying my insurance as much as he could and he would do this forever if he could but realistically he can't. But he doesn't mind helping cause he cares. And I was like okay... I appreciate that. So like things were cool I felt positive. And he was like I don't know how I feel like I am not trying to move on I was like maybe cause u don't want to cause a part of u is waiting for me to be myself again... He looked at me n was silent. N then Sunday came n he was frustrated with me and said he still isn't sure he isn't looking for anyone but he isn't closed off to it at all. N that right now he frustrated with me still with things

    • So I Monday asked to spilt stuff. I said I think it's time don't u you. Never responded back and I didn't want to piss him off more and have him get mad so I let it be until he is ready to talk. I just know from the last time it was like three weeks and he spoke to this way younger girl he's 22 and she was 17 and they snapchat all the time n he picked up from school a few times and so on. He said it wasn't like that since day one. And I let it go when he came back to me after me not talking to him for a few days. And things were good with us and then he felt I was suffocating him a few months later n being insecure n it killed it. So I have taken the time to work on me n be more independent and address my issues. I am working on me. I always do this. Work on me when there is something that needs it. But I don't know really this is just so annoying. I have been talking to a guy friend just to get my mind off things n see if r will go anywhere I warned him abiut things

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  • If he has your stuff and you want it, call the police station (not 911) and ask for a police escort to get your stuff. They'll basically tell him to hand it over and will stay to make sure you get it.

    • It's like stuff we have in storage to spilt up. He has my shoes at his place and I have some stuff of his at mine and like I have asked if to come get or if I can drop it off or meet to switch and like he won't answer me on it or avoids the subject.

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    • He hasn't even deleted pics me out of his bone as I saw Yesterday or off his IG so I don't know what his deal is

  • same happened to me my ex broke up with me 4 months ago he wasn't sure about our relationship it's hard but try to move on that guy doesn't deserve u , someday u will find the right guy for u

    • N what has happened since then with u? With him n u?

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    • try to talk to him and tell him straight u need ur stuff

    • I did I texted him Sunday and haven't heard back. So I don't know. I know if I try to call he send me to voicemail and I don't want to harass him.

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