Guys help? .. He doesn't want to be friends after a good relationship (We are breaking up soon)?

I am moving away from my boyfriend after three good years. We are still in love and very happy. After telling him our relationship has been a bit rocky.. I talked to him today about what would happen between us (we are not having a long distance).. He has decided that he doesn't want to be friends cause he just can't? Why not. I am kinda hurt!

I want us to be normal with each other and later on become friends again. He doesn't.. he just says he can't. I thinks saying "merry Christmas and happy birthday" will be the only thing we say to each other. That's it... He doesn't want to see me, cause he just can't.

I don't know what I have done to deserve this treatment, but I am hurt.


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  • It's actually probably better that you aren't friends.

    When you love someone and it doesn't work out, you often want to distance yourself from them because there will be risidual feelings there that can upset, conflict, and hinder your ability to move on.

    Respect his choice and move on girl, everybody needs their space.

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    • I know he needs his space and I will give him that, but not being friends in the future after no bad feelings is what I don't understand...

    • Because you are the evidence of a failed relationship. It's cold, it sucks, but it's the truth. Some people can't be friends without having some romantic feelings or remaining pain from the breakup - even if you think there are "no bad feelings" doesn't mean breaking up doesn't hurt.

  • I think that saying that you will be friends is just as weird as saying that you will not be friends. In my opinion, you simply cannot know what the future brings and how you'll feel once you are over the break-up. Of course, right now your boyfriend feels like being friends and seeing you in the future will cause him pain, but he might feel differently about it once he is over the healing process. On the other hand, once you are over the healing process and settled in in the new place you might no longer be all that interested in being friends. What I'm saying is that these decisions don't need to be made now. It's not like you have to sign a contract saying "we will be friends" or "we will not be friends".

    You said in a comment that you are going to give him space, and I think that is the correct path – especially if you do want to be friends later on. I realise that after three years it's hard to imagine your life without this guy being in it and knowing that he will be around would bring you comfort. The fact he's saying now that he doesn't want to be friends doesn't mean that he won't change his mind in a few months or in a year. Just give him and yourself enough space to move on and heal. Then see what the future holds for you.

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